I was an alcohol-addicted, cigarette-chain-smoking, burned-out fornicator with a death wish. I used to give "Jehovah" credit for bringing me out of that, but I had to learn the hard way that I get the credit. If God takes the credit, then I will never forgive the S.O.B. for doing it by putting me in a dangerous mind-control cult, and putting others there as well.
OTWO,
Did God put you in a cult or did you do it yourself? Your issue that you bring up here was a HUGH source of confusion and angst for me for a long time. If you'll indulge me a bit I'll tell you a little of my story.
Even though I was a 4th gen born-in, I never believed the Watchtower very much after 1975 (age 12). This was a devastating event to me as an adolescent. I made my parents really pay with a lot of grief. At age 23, now dealing drugs for a living, I came to the end of myself and I started praying a lot for a couple of months for God to change me and make me hate what was bad and love what was good. I was very cynical and didn't believe in anyone or anything except myself.
After a couple of months God did something to me... he convicted me of my sin. I really felt changed somehow. I no longer wanted to do the things I used to, and when I did, they no longer delivered the same pleasure even if temporary.
I moved to a different city and became an active JW for 8 years. The conviction of sin gradually wore off and I had serious doubts about the WT because things just weren't working out all that great for me. Business was good, plenty of money....but no peace. I was really disappointed in the lack of love in the congregation. Then the Nov. 1995 issue of the watchtower came out and the generation doctrine was mostly jettisoned.
The devastation of being lied to about 1975 that I felt as a child came back with a vengence when this 2nd prediction failed. I split and went off to college to get "a real education".
I was really angry at God for a long time because I figured God must have known how serious I was when I asked for a change in my life. In my opinion He failed me. I was very agnostic, tried to go atheist but couldn't quite get there because I kept remembering that SOMETHING had indeed happened to me at age 23.
Ten years later, at age 40....single and back into things to drown the pain, I finally gave my life to Jesus Christ alone. Part of my agreement to do this was that I would not put forth any effort to try and be good. I told God that I wasn't going to go out of my way to sin, but this whole issue was now his problem and not mine any longer. Slowly over the next few months .... living according to this creed things got better and better. Supernatural blessings came my way. The rough edges of my personality were smoothed out a bit.... but mostly, I still stayed me somehow.
I got married to a nice young atheist lady who later surrendered in her own way to Christ ... and we had two boys. BUT, I still held resentment (and some confusion) as to why God allowed me to waste 8 years (much morre than that if you count my youth) of my life in a destructive cult. The answers came slowly and the reason was that I was not yet willing to say goodbye to my rather large family of origin. I wanted it both ways. I was made to understand that the actual contract with God wasn't ratified until I gave myself over completely and stopped trying to "be good" on my own will power....which was considerable.
The Romans were very practical administrators and reasoned that a professional military that would bring about a measure of law and order was a good bargain for their conquored peoples to pay a tax for. They could pretty much do as they pleased as long as they paid the tax. Against this political practicality Jesus told this short parable in Luke 14:
what king, going to make war against another king, sitteth not down first, and consulteth whether he be able with ten thousand to meet him that cometh against him with twenty thousand? Or else, while the other is yet a great way off, he sendeth an ambassage, and desireth conditions of peace. So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple.
Unlike the practical Romans who only wanted a relatively small tax in exchange for a professional protecting military, Jesus terms were All of It .
I don't make the rules. These are Gods terms, not mine. Regardless of all my efforts to "be good", irrespective of all my wasted effort in delivering watchtower literature, God refused to give me one iota of consideration until I was willing to say goodbye to my mother and father and others, and declare (at least when asked) that I wasn't ashamed of Christ (even if I was still mad at him for making me wait so long). This was obviously beyond my own strength, God gave me the ability to do this too.
I recall that when I got baptized as a JW I was in a bathroom getting changed and I starting weeping. I could hear a young elder's son in the stall next to mine weeping as well. No doubt he was under conviction at that time as well. Yet, without giving my life of to Jesus ALONE, it was impossible to be born again and experience the kinds of things I read about in the New Testament.
I wonder how many EX-JWs felt that same conviction at one time and then when things didn't work out .... they just wrote it all off as an emotional experience. I tried to myself for many years.
Please don't take my story as an indication that "I know how you feel" or that your experience is similar to mine. I am not saying that at all. I offer my experience because I found the answer as to why the WT didn't work for me and why I didn't permanently experience the new life that I read about in the NT.
