I look at my own family members sometimes and some of the young ones even worry me because I think they lack a lot of skills to live in the "real world". In a lot of ways these congregations are places where people with multiple issues have a false sense of belonging and are accepted up to a point- while everyone waits for their problems to be fixed in paradise. If they do leave, it's going to be very, very difficult for them not just because they are coming out of a high control group, but because they have another set of challenges that play against them.
mentalclarity
JoinedPosts by mentalclarity
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58
Don't you think that some people are just better off within the org?
by paradiseseeker inthis is my first post, i will introduce myself later.
first of all, i must say that english is not my mother tongue (i'm spanish), so excuse me if i make any mistake.. do you think that some people simply can't cope with being outside the jws?
some of them are too worldlyphobic to be around non-jws, too dependent on a fixed set of rules in order to carry on with their lives, too dependent on the hope of paradise and resurrection, too unable to leave their personal comfort zone within the organization.
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Anointed Delusions of Grandeur
by Kohanic inso here is something i've been wondering about.
how do the 'anointed' come to the conclusion that they are chosen?
is it some weird collective delusion of grandeur and how is it manifested in such ones?.
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mentalclarity
My grandfather was supposedly of the anointed. The way it was explained to me (and this was decades ago) was that the anointed didn't have an earthly hope- when they thought of their hope in their head, it was in heaven. The thought of being with their loved ones on the earth didn't appeal to them. As opposed to the rest of us who really wanted to be in paradise on earth. As other posters have mentioned this was highly subjective and could not be proven.
In the 90's the people who partook in my old congregation were all of questionable mental capacity so I don't know if anyone even really took them seriously.
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aspects of shunning
by stan livedeath inmany members on here have been shunned.
we know whats its like--and the effect it has had on our lives.
but what about those of us who practiced shunning before--when we were members of the watchtower cult ?.
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mentalclarity
When I was a kid I was kind of scared of df'd people....If someone said "that person is df'd" it was like they had done something really wrong and I was to avoid them. As I got older I just saw it kind of as penitence, and i didn't think twice about ignoring a df'd person. Now, of course, I think how sick and conditioned I was. I also never questioned the shunning policy (at all) until i was out. I never had family or close friends df'd so that would have been different maybe.
When I came back to being a witness after a short stint "outside" I remember a childhood friend of mine called me and wanted to meet to catch up. I knew he'd been df'd and I told him I couldn't. Fast forward a decade later and I found him on facebook and wrote to apologize to him about treating him that way. I felt (feel) awful about doing that. He didn't ever write back - that's his choice and I respect it.
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Grandma's Guilty Conscience
by m3tadata infor the holidays my girlfriend and i had planned to travel home and enjoy some time in our home area and visit with all our families.
she has several siblings and both our parents are divorced and living separately so it was a really busy time traveling around visiting each home.
my girlfriend was never a jw, but as for me i have been df'd for about 7 years now.
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mentalclarity
I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. I know those things can be totally out of the blue sometimes and it's hard to process. A family member of mine also seemed to set a new boundary with me about communication and I was taken aback. I had no idea an article came out recently, but now everything makes more sense. Can someone please link the article being referenced?
There's always an initial shock and hurt when something like that happens, no matter how long you've been out or how accustomed you are to that treatment. I'm so happy to have this forum and other ex jw people that I can talk about it with because how do you even begin to explain to someone that your grandma or loved one has just told you they aren't talking to you anymore because you don't share their religious beliefs. Your own Grandmother...I mean, it's insane.
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Birthdays are Evil - so they said
by EverApostate inlast week i celebrated my birthday.
accepted well wishes from people near and far.
had been happily accepting wishes from people since i quit the cult.. as a jw, (brainwashed ) belief that birthdays are evil was the stupidest belief i had in all my life.. when in, i had a hard time to explain to people that i don’t celebrate birthdays.
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mentalclarity
As a born in I never celebrated my birthday and honestly I didn't think much about it. It's hard to miss something you didn't grow up with (this was the case for me). I was given the same reasons for not celebrating (the head chopping/early Christians didn't celebrate) and also the fact that we were the only religion that didn't celebrate now made me think how unique and separate from the other "bad" religions we were. It was a sign of a "true" christian. I never questioned this idea - I just went along with it not knowing any better.
I now know that birthdays are a time to celebrate life! One more year of life and the fact that we exist and our loved ones exist. I'm grateful to get to enjoy the presence of my friends and children and birthdays are a time to remember that. It's also a time to receive that recognition from others. You didn't have to "earn" it - you just have to be born. That's it. What's more unconditional than that?
And EverApostate - Happy belated birthday to you!
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I'm coming back to the forum after 10 months, and new challenges...
by Mandrake ini haven't been here for about 10 months and just looked over some topics to update myself, well i came back for a very particular reason... my family was, father, mother, sister and i... the split up (4 years ago), only my father remained jw, my sister left but lives with him, and i've been living by myselft over the last months sharing an apartment with my girlfriend (worldly) an his brother (worldly) (we are a "modern family" hahahaha).... so the relation with my father have been in many different phases the last 4 years, having in mind that he cheated my mom with her best friend (woman) within the congregation an married her just few months ago... so today it's my birthday and i called dad and told him that i had a great time anyway and that to be "even more pagan" i set up my christmas tree today.... he had never questioned me for dating and living with my current girfriend nor tried to "bring me back to the congregation", but he replied to me: "hey, talking about being a pagan, i'm not confortable with things now because i want us to como closer together again and do more things like having lunch or whathever and your are now df, can you talk to the elders and take back the letter you sent them da-ing so we can share more?".
i don't know what to do, i really mean what i wrote in my d.a.
letter, i needed to vent what i think of the borg now, i'm no way taking it back, those are like my luther's theses ... i can't believe my father divorced my mother on no biblical ground, continued dating her best jw friend, and 3 years later they got married and are a happy respectable "christian" couple... and now he suddendly is not confortable with me because i sent a letter to the elders telling them i no longer believed the same shit they do... my sister simply stopped attending meetings and dated worldly boys, celebrate xmas, birthdays and stuff, but with me is different just because i have a clearer idea of who i really am and i'm trying to live by that.. i thinks this whole thing is unfair, he is totally blackmailing me, it's been years to get to this friendly level with my father, and now he is adding this awful pressure.
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mentalclarity
I would answer "Are you saying you would rather I go against what I believe and "pretend" to be a witness so you can have a relationship with me and be a hypocrite (because my feelings have not changed)?
I always tell my family they did too good of a job raising me to have integrity- that's why I won't be part of a religion I'm not convinced of, even if that means losing contact with some. In fact I could even claim religious persecution because of this. See how I twisted that around?
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JW Stumper Questions - List You Best Here
by pale.emperor inhi guys.
sooner or later we're going to get a jw knocking on our door.
just like when we were jw's doing the knocking, it's good to have a question prepared to get them thinking about their own beliefs.
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mentalclarity
Are only jws going to survive Armageddon? (Wait for canned response "God reads hearts"). If that's so, why are you knocking on doors and trying to convert people?
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First Christmas without the guilt
by Apostate Anonymous ini have lurked around the site for about 3 months and finally decided to join.
this will be my first time creating a topic here.
a little backstory for me.
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mentalclarity
Welcome! As i sit here looking at my xmas tree without a shred of guilt or surprise i can totally relate to being happy to be free. It might seem small to some but celebrating xmas guilt free is huge to ex jws.
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I know this shouldn’t bother me...but
by MTSman inso i woke up this morning with nothing planned for the day.
i rolled out of bed around 9am and went to local mcky ds to get some breakfast, and lord and behold there was a group of jdubs sitting around eating and sipping on coffee, probable counting time.
anyway, i glanced over and recognized all of them and they glanced back at me.
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mentalclarity
I think it would be weird if it didn't bother you - I mean people that you've known for years and had a relationship with, just snubbing you and ignoring your presence????? That's crazy, but it's "normalized" because JWs are programmed to think that they are doing this for a just cause. You used to behave this way too- but now you're not programmed anymore so it's bizarre behavior (as it should be). You're feeling isn't an issue-their behavior is.
Look at it as a sign that you've been deprogrammed
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Christmas Eve Best Wishes To ALL of you .
by smiddy3 init`s christmas eve here in australia today and i wish all of you a very merry xmas simply because i can without being zapped , or hauled into a jc committee.. it doesn`t matter whether you are religious or not , i`m not now , however i can appreciate and respect those who do.. so whatever your views on the matter have a great day and enjoy the holidays in whatever grabs your fancy.. and if jw`s do come knocking on your door as they do this festive season wish them a merry xmas and anti-witness to them ..
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mentalclarity
Merry Christmas! I went to the supermarket today with my daughter and when the cashier said "merry Christmas" and I answered Merry xmas in return, I couldn't help but smile......I can say that without feeling guilty...It's the little things, you know...that make me so happy to be free.