Posts by mentalclarity

14

Raising children - thoughts

by CovertsadJW in

just some thoughts for today - let me know what you think.

i grew up in the jw faith / cult - .

i can’t prove i am a better person because of it , but in some ways i can prove how it has damaged me.

mentalclarity

Yeah born-in here as well and there are alot of things that I have to "unlearn" now as an adult. Ultimately, it was not wanting to raise my kids in the religion that made me leave.

However, I can think of some positives:

I went to alot of social events and always had stuff to do with family and other JWs/ I have fond memories of picnics, beach days, camping, theme parks, parties, trips,etc. I do miss that community sometimes and I probably stayed around longer for this reason.

I learned from a very young age to defend my beliefs (yes, they were totally wrong beliefs) but, in my own personal case, I think it made me a person who doesn't mind being being different. Growing up a JW forced me to be different in all scenarios and I kind of got used to that and learned to be ok with it. I'm very comfortable being the outlier - this would really help when i left the religion.

I was exposed to people of many different backgrounds/cultures/races. I've met JWs from all around the world of all different kinds of social status. I preached in areas that were extremely poor and I got to see poverty up close. I grew up not taking simple things like "drinking water" for granted.

27

Fear of Dying

by SplaneThisToMe in

did anyone else develop a weird fear of dying and death after leaving jw?

i recently left and have realized for the first time in my life that i’m not going to live forever.

anyone else have these same feelings toward discovering your own mortality?

mentalclarity

I echo LisaRose on this. I was always afraid I wouldn't make it through Armageddon and I really had alot of issues with imagining myself in Paradise (maybe I was of the annointed???hahaha!) I mean the thought of living forever on earth just sounded exhausting to me.

I actually do believe there is something else after my physical existence on this earth ends- what exactly that is, I don't know. But I don't fear it.

127

PORTUGAL: Filed a petition to the parliament to erase the legal entity of the Jehovah's Witness

by EdenOne in

based on legal arguments that revolve around violations of several articles of the portuguese constitution, and of the law of religious freedom, a petition to the portuguese parliament has been set in motion to extinguish the legal entity that represents the jehovah's witness in portugal and remove this community from the national register of recognized religions protected by law.

the petition does not seek to ban the jehovah's witness as a whole in the country.

the petition denounces the institutional policy of shunning former members as a violation of basic human rights and psychological torture, and asks the portuguese legislators and judicial authorities to take action to stop this abuse, and suspend legal recognition to the branch office entity until the policies of shunning are changed.

mentalclarity

I'm confused. It's debating that it is against religious freedom for members to shun other members who question or leave their religion? Isn't it religious freedom to belong to whatever the hell religion you want?

63

Sister may have had a slight heart attack, do I text her?

by Xanthippe in

jw
friends

so my cousin phoned and told me my jw sister was taken to hospital with chest pains and it may have been a slight heart attack or possibly she's starting with angina.

now as some of you know my sisters and brother have had little to do with me for 29 years.

we've met at funerals, or arranged them, but i just thought today what if she did die?

mentalclarity

Happy to hear there was a positive outcome.

I'm all for sending texts or short emails - it's a very "low key" way of communicating that doesn't force an interaction. They can choose to answer or not (and they have some time to think about it). The key is to send stuff without any expectations. If they answer, great! If not, you did what was right for you. I'm glad your sister is ok.

52

Have you ever gone back to a meeting out of curiosity?

by stuckinarut2 in

just wondering if anyone has gone back to a meeting out of curiosity?

(perhaps to an area far from your old khall where you know no one).

with all the changes from 2012 onwards (videos, tv screens, new meeting format, new songs etc) it would be an odd experience to be in attendance!.

mentalclarity

Yeah, I've thought about going back to a meeting just out of curiosity. I think it's more about how I've changed and how I would view things with my new perspective.

Unlike some people on this forum, I didn't choose this religion. It was what I was raised in so it all seemed perfectly normal. I've been out for for a decade now so I just think it would be interesting. If only it was an hour instead of a couple hours- I'd totally do it. I recently went to a hare krishna service for an assignment for school and it was really interesting too- but I kind of like that whole sociological aspect of religions. Just observing in a completely detached way people act/worship.

9

Friendship

by Freedom rocks in

jw
friends

how long did you all wait before telling new friends or someone you are or were dating that you used to be a witness?

how did they react?

if you did tell them do they make jokes at you every so often about it 😊 is it best not to tell people?

mentalclarity

I tell people right away. I don't get into all the nitty gritty at once, but say something like "I was raised as one of JW's and my family are all JWs". Honestly, I've never had someone "run away". I think it's the way you present it - I don't play victim..I don't talk about how it ruined my life,etc. Think of a person who just got divorced and talks incessantly about their ex..yeah, I don't do that. It's something that was part of my life, but not anymore and I have alot of other much more interesting stuff to talk about now.

35

The Constant Mindchatter After You Leave

by pale.emperor in

i've been out almost 2 years now and consider myself wide awake to watchtower propaganda and well on my way to recovery from the mental abuse we've all experienced.. one thing that just will not go is that i constantly think of jwism and watchtower and get myself all annoyed at their lies and blatant twisting of facts in their broadcasts and magazines.

it's so bad that it's the first thing i think of when i wake up, then i have these mental arguments in my head proving the jw teachings false and then getting annoyed because no jw will listen even if you tried to tell them.

i call this constant thinking and mental reasoning and mental arguing "mindchatter".

mentalclarity

I think it takes time for those thoughts to go away - especially if they are attached to alot of anger and emotion. I know one thing that's helped me is journaling and talking about all the feelings that come up with a therapist. It just gives me space to vent and process that's really helpful. Just getting some validation from a third neutral party is good, but overall...just feeling all the stuff that comes up. It's amazing how disconnected we can become from our body and emotions and that's basically what the therapist had me do...feel every emotion physically and talking about how I felt. The intensity of the thoughts and emotions has really decreased after that so I don't feel it's robbing me from enjoying the present.

I also found it useful to limit my time on this site when I first was out because it's stirred up alot of negativity - everything was a little too fresh. Now it's fine. I wish you the best - obsessive thinking is the worst!

44

I've Disassociated. It's getting announced tomorrow.

by Heathen Dan in

jw
friends

this is my first post to this site, im pale.emperor's brother:).

first of all, i've left being a jw in june.

since then my family have tried to convince me it's "the truth" and force me to go back even though it's my own decision.

mentalclarity

Welcome! I'm sorry to hear your family is treating you unkind. Limit your time with them.

Stick with your brother and other people who are nice to you. You deserve nothing less - no matter what anyone tells you. You seem to have a clear grasp of things.The elders are no better than you or me. People who are non-jw's are very nice. Trust your instincts!

28

What was your trigger to waking up ?

by CovertsadJW in

good afternoon , .

i wanted to ask everyone here , what was your trigger to waking up ?

i have been waking up for a long time , but in looking back it’s hard for me to look at one event and say “ ah ha “ , i think mine is like a slow leak - like a crack in a damn - and then hold on , because after that it’s just a flood of information.

mentalclarity

My experience is very similar to Magnum's experience. It was a combination of many things. Crazy as this sounds now....I actually wondered why we went door to door witnessing when it was obviously so ineffective. If this was the most important work on earth, why weren't we putting some more effort and instead just doing this busywork?

I'd always had gnawing doubts about JW history but when we studied the Revelation and Daniel books....that was just insane - I didn't understand/believe any of it, yet I still continued because it was all I knew and it was familiar and comfortable.

But I guess what really cinched the deal was realizing that people who were non jw's were more stable mentally and emotionally and had fewer issues than those inside. I'd always been taught we were so "special" and then when talking to non JW's I realized we were actually a bunch of wackos. I came to realize this religion attracted people who were coming from a damaged place or were easily manipulated because of their lack of education and critical thinking skills. And the amount of unloving/crazy behavior in the hall. Outside the hall, that behavior made no sense. If you had good intentions and actually wanted to help someone, there were all these obstacles. Would it stumble someone? What did the literature say on the matter? What does elder so and so say about it? By the time you got the answers to all that, you didn't even want to help the person anymore.

28

What do I do ?

by jdash in

hey guys, this is my first time posting on here but lets get started.. so i'm a 17 year old boy who currently attends meetings at a congregation in indianapolis.

i live with my grandparents, on my father's side, because my mother died in 2010. i been attending meetings since i was 10. my mother got into the religion but then got disfellowshiped.

my dad is on and off, he currently just got reinstated.

mentalclarity

Welcome! There's a lot of great advice on here already. I'd definitely talk to a guidance counselor at school to get info on how to get funding for college (FAFSA/work-study/scholarships/etc) It's totally doable on your own. I work at a college and part of the perks is that they paid my tuition for classes - where there is a will, there is a way!

Since you're not 18 yet, I'd sit tight and do the bare minimum...but in the meantime start gathering info on college and start creating a network of non-jw friends for support. Find possible roommates (it's expensive to pay for everything on your own). Plan your exit! Personally, I preferred to fade and I have some contact with family still which would have been impossible if I'd disassociated. .