Posts by mentalclarity

20

How is life better?

by Freedom rocks in

i know this thread has probably been covered in the past but i thought it would be nice for newbies and lurkers and just a reminder to those that left a while ago.. how has your life improved since leaving the cult?

are you happy?

have you made some amazing friends or maybe met an amazing partner in the world?.

mentalclarity

Got a BA- traveled and was able to save my kids from being raised JW. I learned what true friends are and have an amazing network of support where people don't turn their back on you because you think differently.

Learned how to be an adult and own up to my own choices. I try to make better ones now. Don't have to check in with anyone about those choices. No need to consult a magazine or an elder- learned how to trust my gut and go with what works for me. I learned how to let other people be themselves too so I have a very diverse group of friends which I love. I learned what respect really means as opposed to all of us having to have the same opinions/thoughts. Have a job that pays pretty well and a side gig that I love.

Shit still happens sometimes, but I can't even imagine what my life would be like if I still was a JW. It's so incredibly limiting. Now I feel like I have so many options open to me and I no longer beat myself up for silly things, like not commenting or missing service or all the ridiculous rules and regulations that JWs have thought of to keep you busy busy in nonsense. No wonder I was on antidepressants for years when I was a JW. Never had to take pills once I was out.

81

Roll Call for the benefit of Newbies and Lurkers. In One Sentence tell why you left the Org.

by Wasanelder Once in

roll call for the benefit of newbies and lurkers.

in one sentence tell why you left the org.

not 2 sentences.

mentalclarity

Got some distance and realized this religion made no sense and most of their doctrines sounded ridiculous.

16

Loving a JW

by stevilla in

here’s a little back story.

i met this jw girl 4 months ago online and found out she was a jw 2 months later after confessing my liking for her.

we had a long conversation about it with her explaining what exactly a jw is and the rules and what not.

mentalclarity

Before you invest anymore in this relationship I would suggest you end things. This is a very difficult situation to be in right at the start of a relationship- when things should be amazing and easy. Why start with all this difficulty from the get-go? And you really don't have to deal with any of this- you're not married to her/you don't have children together. There are so many women out there - move on to the next one.

Unless you're kind of a masochist...then, by all means, move forward. I guess giving her space would be good- than she wouldn't be able to ever pin the fact that she left her family for you....

If she wants to leave, let her leave without you in the picture at all. Then you'll know it was really what she wanted to do (and she'll know that too).

110

If you're expecting a mass exodus anytime soon, FORGET ABOUT IT!

by nowwhat? in

i have to make a token appearance at the k.h.

once a month or so and this week went to a different hall.

and believe me they are all still totally oblivious to all the negative news about the pedophiles and shunning that have come under scrutiny by the media and other governments.

mentalclarity

It takes alot of effort to leave. You basically have to redo your life from scratch. Even if JWs know it's not true, they'll stay just out of complacency until they die. In fact, I'd say in general lots of folks are like that- especially as they get older.

There is no scandal/development that will create a mass exodus- i think that's a little delusional.

46

Memorial.. To go or not to go

by Emily1987 in

jw
friends

so, as some of you will know myself and my husband are in the process of fading.

haven't been to a meeting since beginning of 2017. .

we weren't planning on going to the memorial, but last week my mother broke down and said that we have to go to the memorial even if it's the only meeting i go to this year.

mentalclarity

Go with your gut- you can always miss next year if it's too soon.

It takes time to be comfortable with realizing you're decision is a huge disappointment to your family and be totally ok with it. It certainly took me a while to realize I had the right to choose my own life/religion and their disappointment was theirs to work out-not mine.

I never went to a memorial once I faded, but i made that decision because I didn't want to give them any false hope. I thought that would be more hurtful (in the long run) than just not going and ripping the band-aid off.

33

Self indulgent attention whore thread....

by _Morpheus in

today is my birthday :) in happy to be able to say that guilt free!

.

mentalclarity

Happy belated birthday! Hope it was a blast!

51

Help Elders poking nose in

by Formerbrother in

jw
friends

what can i do when elders want to poke their nose in?.

they want to have another chat with me and my wife, but we dont want to, it just gets us down..

mentalclarity

I feel like you have to be outright rude sometimes with people who don't get the point. I can see how this might be hard but it's actually a great skill to have because some people out there just don't get the hint/or are downright assholes.

"Thanks, we'll call you if we feel the need to talk to you" and literally walk away (my elders came hounding to the door). Or hang up the phone. It really is easy once you give up that need to be nice.

I actually have long discussions with my children about the need to be rude (firm/assertive) sometimes, especially my daughter - sounds counter-intuitive as a parent but it's really not.

35

How do you deal with people who do not like you?

by usualusername1 in

jw
friends

hi guysin the last year i have started to socialise a lot more.

namely comedy and a tennis social club.. for a variety of reasons i find socialising tough.

in my tennis club a couple of women have been extremely rude to me and i have blocked one from my phone and refuse to speak to both.. is my behaviour extreme?paul.

mentalclarity

If someone seems not to like me I just figure I'm not their cup of tea. We all have people we mesh well with and others we don't. I just move on to someone that i can connect well with.

However, I would say if you find that many people are having an adverse reaction to you and it's not just isolated incidents, maybe you should take a look at that and see if you are inadvertently doing/saying things to have that type of reaction. Sometimes we carry behaviors that we're unaware of that push people away. If you're really brave and are ok with some constructive criticism you could always ask directly if you've done something to warrant that reaction in them. You might gain some insight, but again it really depends on context.

I don't know about blocking people- personally, I find that whole "you're dead to me" approach very reminiscent of JWs. Unless there was some sort of abuse or it was very detrimental to my well being, I'd just ignore them and not do anything at all. Sometimes having any type of reaction to something just gives it more power. Just my two cents...

6

Questions To Ask JWs Who Are Shunning Their Relatives

by Teufel in

would you sacrifice your child to gain immortality?.

follow up with: but this is exactly what you're doing.

you hope to live forever, and are willing to cut off your own children forever in order to gain that prize.. if they say they worship god because he's their creator or because they love him:.

mentalclarity

What would happen if your loved one never comes back and then you realize it was all a sham (when Armageddon doesn't come after so many years) and you realize you lost so many years to a lie?

And then I'd follow up with how I've been waiting for the end (that's just around the corner, right?) for over 40 years.

41

suicide

by zeb in

jw
friends

who among us has known a jw who has committed suicide.

i believe this as a separate subject has not been covered..

mentalclarity

Two - one was kind of a big deal in the JW world. No one but family knew it was a suicide.

The other was a guy I knew from my hall that had been df'ed for some time. Not sure what happened there.

I know of multiple failed suicide attempts. At least 4 right off the top of my head.

@stuckinarut that must have been absolutely horrible for that teen's parents.