Suicide is a very touchy subject (jws and non jws alike) and frankly I find it a little disturbing that you would feel so comfortable publishing names of people you don't even know or who have not given you permission to disclose their info. The least you could do, out of common decency and respect, is change the names.
mentalclarity
JoinedPosts by mentalclarity
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61
Suicides
by new boy ini have been on the phone the last to two weeks calling people i've known over the last forty years most of who are still jehovah's witnesses.
some of these people who didn't know i was "out" talked to me and some who knew i was "out" still talked to me.
some of the those people are even elders.. by book new boy will be dedicated to all the people who have killed themselves because of being a jehovah's witness or knowing others who were jehovah's witnesses.
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8
Just saw the film, "Apostasy"
by Bad_Wolf init was a very good film but not fully what i was expecting.
a jw could even watch it, i don't think the title fit the movie.
there was absolutely nothing about apostasy, nor do i recall the word even being mentioned.
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mentalclarity
Part of the weird feeling was thinking to myself..was that me? Was that how I sounded when I would talk about the "new system" or the "organization". I mean it was pretty run of the mill JW stuff. There wasn't anything over the top and yet it was kind of humbling to think that I was actually a part of that at one time.
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Just saw the film, "Apostasy"
by Bad_Wolf init was a very good film but not fully what i was expecting.
a jw could even watch it, i don't think the title fit the movie.
there was absolutely nothing about apostasy, nor do i recall the word even being mentioned.
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mentalclarity
I also just watched this and felt that it's portrayal of JW life was spot on. The only thing is that there was little context and background info, I think, for a non-jw to understand the film.
The really funny thing is when I watched it I had this realization of how actually creepy and weird the JW religion is if you are a person looking at it from the outside. I guess i'm so used to the crazy that it doesn't really phase me. But this film allowed me to be a spectator (and now I'm not a participant obviously) which gives a very unique perspective. Kind of like how it would be if I would walk into a meeting again after 10 years. Very cringy.
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For those who is asking can you have a relationship with God with out the Org
by Alex Bogdanov inhi everyone, sorry i didn't write or participate here for a while.
my second child was born.
i took time of work.
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mentalclarity
People all over the world pray and have a deep relationship with God- why JW's are so arrogant as to think they are the only ones who could possibly have that is beyond me.
I also kept my faith in God after leaving. JW's are so black and white in their thinking. It's either you are a JW or God doesn't want you.
One of the worst things that JWs have done is convince people think that they can't have a relationship with God after they leave. I mean, if that's your choice-totally ok. But if you feel like you aren't worthy because you aren't going to some incredibly banal meetings, that's another ballgame. I really feel for those ex JWs. The ones that don't pray because they feel guilty.
I've never felt more at peace with myself and my spirituality as now that I am outside the organization.
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40
First time
by Deke ingood evening all, this is my first time posting.. been reading and following for two years.
my story will come soon.... but i want to say to all, thanks for all the meaningful, intellectual, honest, and insightful words!!
it’s been an interesting 48 years of service to an organization!
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mentalclarity
Thanks for posting! Gives me some hope for family still in....
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Forgiveness
by Freedom rocks inif someone does the same things over and over again and says sorry and then does it again and you point out that their apologies don't mean anything anymore, then they accuse you of not being forgiving enough, who is in the wrong?
(i mean as in constantly over a long period of time).
im trying to work out whether it was just part of the persons mental/ emotional manipulation tactics or whether i have the wrong view and i'm not forgiving enough.
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mentalclarity
There's a difference between forgiveness and putting yourself in the same situation to be mistreated again.
Raised as JW guilt was used ALOT to motivate us into doing things. It's taken me a while to figure out if I really want to do something or not and make peace that sometimes I do feel a little residual guilt for not going along with someone else's idea of what I should be doing. But that's gotten way less intense and the more I stick up for myself the less I need to forgive anything because there are fewer times I feel taken advantage of.
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Am I being unreasonable with my pimo boyfriend?
by Addison0998 ini was very lucky to have be dating somebody who didn’t run and snitch on me when i started having questions and showing him research i did, instead he listened to me, and after a few arguements, he did wake up as well.
it really didn’t take much to wake him up, and he was more just tired of the crazy witnesses in general.
and now we are planning on getting married and fading together so that our families can at least enjoy our wedding, that special time in life, before we possibly loose them one day.
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mentalclarity
When I left I didn't really feel the need to go through doctrinal issues and prove it was wrong. Not everyone processes everything the same. Part of loving someone I think is giving them the space to process things however they want.
I think people are more angry depending on how involved they've needed to be. As an elder's daughter, I'm sure there was enormous pressure to conform and you were constantly doing things you didn't want to. That can create alot of anger. Personally, my mom was a single mother so I think expectations were low on how much I participated. My family wasn't looked on as an example so I was able to mess up (as kids do) and it wasn't terrible. Anyhow, I wasn't super angry when I left - everyone's experience is different. Don't discount his or minimize your own. You know how sometimes siblings in the same family can have completely different perspectives on their upbringing? Even when they were in the same house with the same parents? It's kind of like that. And yet each perspective is valid.
Good luck- I'm not a person who advises getting married young- I made that mistake and divorced but it's nice to have a best friend with you as you leave. It doesn't have to be an all or nothing scenario. Just remember you guys can leave and be boyfriend and girlfriend (outside the religion) for a while and see how that is.
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Hatred From My Children for Not Leaving the Organization Earlier
by new boy ini'm not proud of the fact that it took me over 50 years to realized what the organization really was and to finally leave it.
not proud at all, i feel pretty stupid.
however i didn't lose my children.
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mentalclarity
I think sometimes people get stuck blaming others. Personally I would have been thrilled of my JW mom left when I was 21. She's still in so he should be grateful you at least got out at some point.
Also, you know, I was pretty much "out" as a teen although my family was fully in. I don't mean to be harsh...but there are lots of cases of JWs who left at an early age or at least doubted and started doing what they wanted while still living at home and having witness parents. I wonder if his anger isn't somewhat misdirected and he's really angry at himself for not seeing things clearer and being brave enough to leave (with or without his parents approval).
I find very passive people who are people pleasers love to blame others for not having "allowed" them to do things. In actuality they've chosen to put other people's approval and feelings above their own needs but it takes alot of maturity and growth to admit that. It's quite a valuable lesson once you learn it.
Your son certainly could have chosen to go against the grain and left the JWs all by himself. There are plenty who have.
Maybe it's a phase, but eventually blaming others for the way your life is now gets really old.
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Healing & Rebuilding Your Life - Feedback Wanted
by jp1692 ini have been invited to speak at an international cultic studies association workshop this fall.
i could use your help in focusing on my presentation subject.. these workshops are for former members of any cult or other high-control, authoritarian group, not just jehovah's witnesses.
last year, i spoke at one of their larger conferences in europe.
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mentalclarity
1) Dealing with isolation and shunning - I feel this is first because it needs immediate attention before you can continue dealing with the rest - maybe a synposis of loss/grief (without necessarily going in depth about the 5 stages of grief)
2) Examining our Beliefs/Discovering your Authentic Self- I think these are very related. What's important to you/what exactly do you believe? What are your values? How do you figure out what's right/wrong for you? I think that's really important since we depended so heavily on the organization and others to tell us what was right and wrong. This ends up being intrinsically tied to who we are.
3) Treatments and interventions
I've been out for about 10 years. Listening to something along those lines would have been really helpful when I first left. Although I was aware of how my decisions would effect my family dynamic I was completely unprepared for all the ripple effects in my life. Even now, although I think I'm completely above it, I still get triggered at certain occasions - like when my family doesn't show up for my kid's graduation or things like that and that's still after almost a decade!
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New Shunned VIDcast #3 - Comparing Ourselves To Others
by dubstepped injust released a new vidcast on the youtubes for "shunned" about comparing ourselves to others.
you have to at least watch the first 30 seconds for my sweet sweet new theme music.. in this vidcast i drop a sweet new theme song, followed by a serious discussion of how we view ourselves and our stories after leaving the cult of jehovah's witnesses.
comparison isn't typically healthy, and i discuss how it goes awry and how we can help give proper weight to our experiences.. subscribe to my podcast here, on itunes, google play, your podcast app of choice, and/or visit my site at http://shunnedpodcast.com for more information.. https://youtu.be/qo0n69vme-o.
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mentalclarity
This is a great video! I never thought about the irony of not comparing ourselves with others and the hard core experiences that were supposed to inspire us to do more.
There's so much to ponder and sift through when you're a born in. There were so many subtle things that influenced the way we thought and behaved and for me personally, I'm just becoming aware of it now after almost a decade of being out.