Hi CJxfarmx, I'm sorry your father is treating you this way. I find it unusual he stopped associating with you since you were never baptised. Shunning is usually reserved for those who are 'disfellowshipped' (JW talk for excommunication) or 'disassociated' (JW talk for leaving the religion). They urge you to limit contact with non believers, but not to flat out shun them. Your father's behavior sounds appalling, like he's one of those 'everything by the Watchtower' JWs. Again, I'm sorry for what J-Dubs have done to your relationship with your dad. One of my worst fears is being abandoned by my family once I finally leave this religion. My family is by the book like your father sounds. My advice to you would be to continue to have a strong relationship with your wife and kids, and be the father to them your father couldn't be to you.
Posts by Sorry
-
24Shunning & separation from family
by CJxfarmx ini was raised in jw as a child.
my dad was a jw my mom was not, they are divorced now.
i was never baptized or anything but i stopped going once i had the choice at age 12. now i am 41 and my dad will not associate with me, my wife or my 3 kids.
-
-
-
12
1 Step Forward and 3 Steps Back: Trying to Get My Mom to See 'The Light' (Oh the Irony!)
by Sorry inrecently, my mother's been hounding me to do personal study (i think she's slowly realizing i'm becoming disillusioned with the organization and is trying to reign me back in).
i don't know what made me do this, but i decided to test the waters by challenging 'new light'.
she asked me what i learned in personal study, so i brought up organ transplants and the wt flip floppy stance on them (thanks jwfacts!).
-
-
Sorry
Recently, my mother's been hounding me to do personal study (I think she's slowly realizing I'm becoming disillusioned with the organization and is trying to reign me back in). I don't know what made me do this, but I decided to test the waters by challenging 'new light'. She asked me what I learned in personal study, so I brought up organ transplants and the WT flip floppy stance on them (thanks JWFacts!). I had the pages lined up and highlighted. As we all know, GB praised them in the 50s, outlawed them in the 70s and called it a 'conscience' matter in the 80s (code for they're okay now). My mother, on cue, said "the light gets brighter". Then I brought up the fact the WT has said before "old light should never contradict old light." I told her that reversing a doctrine only to go back to your original stance is contradicting "old light".
The amazing thing is she pointedly ignores my last statement and goes on about how it wouldn't have been changed if Jehovah didn't see fit. The GB isn't perfect. The apostles weren't perfect themselves. Then I said that while the apostles were far from perfect, they never had to change their teachings because they were right. At this point, my entire family gets involved and my father rants that "Jehovah knows all, we lowly humans can't comprehend everything. If he revealed everything to us, we couldn't handle it." Then my sister jumps in and says "We don't have a collection plate every Sunday, we actually hold our members accountable instead unlike churches that let everyone get away with it and we're very close-knit. That's proof this is the true religion! So what if the GB gets it wrong every now and than. Theyre humans!" My mother became the most defensive, "Why question Jehovah? That's exactly what Satan and Eve did, look what happened. He sacrificed his son for us, we don't deserve his kindness." At this point I just get quiet before they can accused me of being an apostate.
My mother hasn't asked me about 'personal study since (this was about a week ago). However, this is why I hate bringing things like this up to them. I usually end up feeling like I'm the crazy one.
-
21
Org Is RACIST! Towards Sisters Of COLOR In Particular--IMO!
by HiddlesWife ini'm sorry--i'm getting this very sensitive vibe that the org (mainly those at the top) don't have any respect--forget about love--for sisters of color.
i'm coming to this conclusion from a couple of videos on jw broadcasting about single sisters.. after watching this video: .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnjrbkggp4g.
-
-
Sorry
Yup, Scully summed it up beautifully. Women in general are treated as second class citizens, despite WTs saying stuff like "a man shouldn't dominate his wife, he should consider her input and make his own decision". However, I noticed women who are more submissive fare much better in the Org (Asians and some Caucasians as previously mentioned) as opposed to women who are more "fiesty" and "having attitude" (Africans and Latinas).
I read in Barbara Anderson's page about how a sister accused another brother of rape. He did say they had consensual sex. He was simply reproved for being repentant while she was DF'd for lying. Sisters believed her but didn't dare say anything for fear of repercussions.
JW is like a boys club. If you're a woman shame on you. If you're a "fiery" woman of color, thats a double whammy.
-
31
1000 Years is Like 1 Day?
by Sorry inanyone else hear about this.
as all j-dubs know, whenever someone complains about how long the "new system" is taking too arrive, they use the excuse that jehovah works on his own time.
quite a few times during the public talks, i've heard speakers say the phrase "1000 years to us is only one day to jehovah" (my parents never stop talking about this).
-
-
Sorry
Anyone else hear about this. As all j-dubs know, whenever someone complains about how long the "new system" is taking too arrive, they use the excuse that Jehovah works on his own time. Quite a few times during the public talks, I've heard speakers say the phrase "1000 years to us is only one day to Jehovah" (my parents never stop talking about this). I don't recall seeing this in any literature. Whenever I ask other witnesses, some have heard it, but many have not. Have any of you seen or heard this? Where did that particular number come from (because others have said it's only 100)?
-
21
My Story
by SamTheGinge inso, i joined just yesterday after coming across this forum looking at beth sarim, and i though that i would share my story with you.
it will no doubt be very similar to a lot of others, but it's a way of getting to know me at least.. i was brought up as witness from the age of 4 years old, my dad picked up the 'truth' from one of his friends in the pub and it seemed to go from there, he would quickly get baptised and progress to becoming a ministerial servant and then an elder.
from a young age i wanted to be like my dad and become a pioneer, a ministerial servant and then an elder... perhaps even becoming a co. the world, spiritually speaking, was my oyster.
-
-
Sorry
Welcome! You are not alone, I feel or stories are similar (wanting to impress parents, baptised for wrong reasons).
It sounds you've made peace with everything, started thinking for yourself and have become much happier as a result. I wish you all the best.
-
23
With up to 70% of young ones leaving what's the future of the jw's?
by karter inthey wlll always have new people coming in but the majority of the congro's are getting older particularly the inner city ones were it is expensive to live.
they are struggling to get men to be elders and m.s's and this can only get worse as very few young ones stay around.
karter..
-
-
Sorry
Honestly, I think they won't necessarily care since, as previously mentioned, their real estate ventures are thriving. However, if they care about their numbers dwindling, they have 2 options (unlikely they'll do it).
1) They can change much of the doctrines and claim it as "new light" and line it up with better, more accepted interpretations (they won't do this because then they lose their special snowflake status)
2) utilise the benefits of social media, get involved with more charities and programs and expand beyond the door to door ministry (they won't do it because goes against "preaching is the only meaningful work" schtick)
The Org is definitely going to keep taking hits with the power of the internet however...
-
55
Let's Be Honest - You or One of Your Ancestors Was an Idiot
by Simon inwhy were we ever a jw?
were we mad?
we must have been .... well, my excuse is that i knew nothing else.
-
-
Sorry
My dad was the offspring of idiots, sad to say.
My mom grew in a Pentecostal household. Her mom was a fancy hat wearing church lady to a T. Every Wednesday and Sunday, there front in center. The first thing she did every morning was read her Bible. She was quite a nice, loving sassy grandmother. Despite the fact that many of her kids (my mom included) became disillusioned with the church, she remained loving, and made an earnest effort to be in all of our lives. Not one day passed when Grammy would call my mom and her grandkids, reminding us that no matter what we said or did, she'd always love us. Even when my mom became a witness, that didn't deter her from keeping a relationship with her even if my mom more or less avoided her.
My dad is quite a different story. He was raised in 'the truth'. At first his mother became a witness, then persuaded his father. To my understanding, my grandfather wasn't always the nicest. He was incredibly strict and corporate punishment was the norm (he once shoved his daughter down a flight of stairs because he caught her kissing a boy). My father and grandfather had a tumultuous relationship due to my father's heavy resistance to authority. Finally, my grandfather violently confronted my dad, and said he can either go to the meetings, or get out. My father left his house and became homeless (this was in '80 when shunning became heavily enforced).
Fast forward to 2007, when we move close to my grandparents. My dad and grandfather hadn't spoken much in those 27 years. My dad always had a chip on his shoulder about that, thinking his father hated him and thought he was a failure. My mother was heavily disillusioned with church and had to adjust to not working anymore. By this time, my grandfather developed into a softer, gentler man and he was quite kind to his grandkids. He introduced us to his JW congregation and we loved all the nice people. Still, he'd make snide comments to my dad I didn't quite understand, like "The Prodigal Son finally returns, ready to make something of your life?" My mom liked that JW has answers she was looking for (like what happens after death), and my dad saw a way to finally get my grandfather's approval. Just as my dad was making progress, my grandfather died. My father was devastated and thought his father died thinking he was a 'Prodigal Son'. Then the witnesses taught him he'd see his father again in the new system, beaming with joy his son accepted the truth. The rest was history...
So I wouldn't call them idiots, is just say they were vulnerable (my mom wanted to serve God, my dad wanted the love and admiration of his father).
-
38
An old Kingdom hall now a church?
by HereIgo inhave any of you heard of anything like this.
i remember an ex jw from ohio taking video of a former kingdom hall that is now a church.
apparently the society sold it to the church.
-
-
Sorry
Oh yes, there was one that was 30 minutes from our house when we first moved into town (I didn't remember it cause it was years ago). When me and another sister visited a congregation in another city, she pointed out that the Baptist Church was once a Kingdom Hall. I pointedly said "So we sold our building to Christendom? Isn't that pretty much taking Satan's blood money?" I was just joking and told her that, but then I could tell she got agitated and asked me "Does it really matter?" Then I said, "It does since Jehovah's organization is contributing to the spread of the false religion they claim they're against." Then she proceeded to go on a long diatribe about how our elders and GB know best because they're being guided by Jehovah. Then she finished saying "Since you're pretty young, I'm going to assume you are know any better. Don't you know defying the organization is like Satan defying Jehovah? And we all know what happened to him..."
I was 14 then. To this day she never lets me forget about listening to the GB/elders.
-
27
Question: Can't You Just Ignore A Judicial Committee?
by Sorry inone thing i've never understood is judicial committees.
yes, i understand it's held to see if elders should go through with the disfellowshipping process.
but why give them all the power?
-
-
Sorry
schnell: To elaborate, when she said 'screw it', she meant packing up her stuff, becoming a roommate to her 'worldly' friend and just stop going in fs and meetings. Her parents hate it, but they're just glad they can freely associate with her. I think she's worried because if she's actually df, she loses that (I have similar fears).
-
27
Question: Can't You Just Ignore A Judicial Committee?
by Sorry inone thing i've never understood is judicial committees.
yes, i understand it's held to see if elders should go through with the disfellowshipping process.
but why give them all the power?
-
-
Sorry
One thing I've never understood is judicial committees. Yes, I understand it's held to see if elders should go through with the disfellowshipping process. But why give them all the power? Someone ratted on my cousin for SMOKING (mind you she hasn't been to a meeting in 3 months), so I just told her to ignore it and just keep on doing her own thing (I admire her for just saying 'screw it' and leaving/if you read my previous posts, I don't have that same courage). She said she has to do it.
It you don't show up and ignore their requests, are they still allowed to df you? Will they take it as an admission of guilt or will they just give up and move on?