Well, well, that was quite a heartfelt
welcome on this site four days ago. Thank you all for the encouraging replies. One of them was this one
from magnum: "Hey now,
don't just pop your head in and disappear. Hang around and contribute." That's what I call 'stimulus' magnum!
So, before I go back to the first seeds of
doubt regarding my own fading, I'd like to share a few shocking confessions
that brothers dared to share with me AFTER I stepped down as an elder four
months ago. Of course, that (false) threat of authority was now away from me, and also rumours that I no longer believed in 607 BCE and had problems with the handling
of sexual abuse spread like wild fire and must have influenced this sudden
openness of these brothers LOL. As you all probably know, many BOE's are
concerned regarding the motivation and willingness of new and younger brothers
to grow spiritually and take responsibilities. We often felt a little bit sad
and frustrated, wondering what could be the cause of this long-term stagnation and
if it had something to do with materialism, weak spiritual habits, sisters
slowing down their husbands etc.. The “spirit-directed” remedy often would be
to join them in field service to find out what really lived in their hearts, or
planning specific home visits to encourage them to "seek Jehovah
first" etc. Well, I soon would discover what was in some hearts!
# 1 One "weak", unbaptized brother met me at
the gas station during my fading. He always had the habit of leaving the KH after
the public talk on Sunday and I asked him why he did that. The answer was
shocking and something no elder could have ever imagined! He first stated that
he didn’t like the many preconceived answers during the WT study, but also
had his own life-after-death experiences and could not listen to WT pleadings
for a mortal soul! He sounded VERY convinced and wasn’t talking about paradise on
earth or the resurrection when he told me he KNEW life didn’t end with death.
He also shared his horror about the O.T. and how he didn’t like those books.
This would have been enough to hand him over to WT police and get him in deep trouble, but I
just thanked him for sharing this with me. I realized that I wasn’t the only
one with “strange” thoughts!! The Borg thinks they can control the mind, but in
fact are fooling themselves by forcing these “weak” sheep to keep it all for
themselves, knowing there simply is no room for Christian freedom to discuss
different opinions, such as the long drawn out issue regarding circumcision (Acts 15).
This brother wasn’t weak, he was simply bored during the WT study and condemned
outright some of WT’s most precious teachings, the mortality of the soul…WOW!
#2 Another friendly, easy going, baptized brother was known as the
“philosopher”. You know, the kind of guy that always seemed to be more open for
a more tolerant view regarding evolution, or that always seemed to consider the
GB for what they really are: imperfect men, capable of serious mistakes and certainly
not to be given any kind of divine status. These were not his
only “controversial” opinions, and his reputation kind of disqualified him for
an appointment as ministerial servant. Later, when he became aware of MY doubts, he made my jaw drop
by agreeing with most of my points! It even got better when he turned out to be
in possession of F. Franz’s well known book “Crisis of Conscience”. Now I was even more amazed and I said: “What? And you’re still in?” He told me he still
believes we’re living in the last days and he just loves sharing bible stories
with elderly persons during field service, but he also has many doubts regarding
the GB en would never ever accept an appointment as an elder. He told me he
even had this “Apostate Bible” on the bookshelf in his kitchen in full sight, while having
the CO and his wife for dinner! HS must have been at work because they didn’t notice anything, but afterwards,
his wife couldn’t believe he dared to take such a risk! Well, this guy has
balls, I tell you! I even borrowed this book from him and am reading it! This brother already
had the book before his bible study, but told nobody and never had the time to really
digest it (maybe another reason he is still in?), but I tell you…I will!
So far… These brothers would be in serious trouble if I had informed my
former fellow-elders about their “apostate” thoughts and “unscriptural”
opinions, but no, I was happy instead, finally knowing what REALLY kept these
brothers busy ;-) These two experiences teach me that the WT has no control of
the sheep, that there is a growing underground movement with serious doubts
WITHIN the organization, not just outside. Within a few years,without a doubt, they will
suffer a LACK of qualified elders. Yes, these “weak” brothers still visit
(some) meetings and do field service, but how many actually DONATE and how many
still cherish their OWN independent mindset, in spite of all the rubbish that
is presented to them as “light”?
If only the likes of those in my area would do the extra mile and become
more activist, whatever the input in “apostate” activities.
Cheers!
