Posts by weskerbouts

36

Help: Been Disfellowshipped for 6 Days

by weskerbouts in

six days ago, on the 24th, the announcement was made.

the prior 3 weeks were an 'interesting' time after having come forward about my sin (problem).

(i have an addiction to pornography.

weskerbouts

Guys, I don't know what to make of my life. I feel like I don't even know who I am. There are moments when I just feel like going back but I can't... not with knowing what I know now especially. Yesterday for the first time I went into a church. I tried to listen mostly and I even participated in discussions. I was there from 12:30pm to 6:45pm.

I was very surprised at the level of kindness and interest shown to me, esp. by the teenagers (teens are usually to themselves and very opinionated, judgmental)--some who later confessed to me things about themselves and then would remark, "I have no idea why I told you that, but I feel like I've known you for a long time!" Others told me I 'fit in so well with everyone'. The elderly women of that church even held my hands when they talked to me (I was told later that those particular women usually aren't that expressive or welcoming) and there seemed to be something of an overall buzz in the church. Only the Pastor was a little aloof, watching me. We spoke at times but he seemed to be more interested in observing me first. I honestly felt sick to my stomach on my way in. Plagued with this feeling like I was going to be struck with leprosy for stepping foot in there, but it was also kind of freeing.

I'm not sure what to do really, but I think I should take a break from religion at least for a while. Maybe I should look to start schooling soon. I don't know what though. I want it to be something involving helping people. Maybe a go for a BA in theology or even a medical doctor. When I knew I was going to be disfellowshipped it was something I constantly thought about and even mentioned to some of the congregational elders. Of course, you can guess what relatively were their replies. Since the announcement I have not been to a meeting, didn't even go today. Though I thought yesterday 'after having gone to a church, I might as well go to the Hall'. I guess that stemmed from a feeling of guilt but I realize that's probably indoctrintaion taking over, an emotional response.

I even told my younger brother who is not a JW just about ten minutes ago I went to a church yesterday, and he told me, "Rob, if you're not a Witness, even I don't know who you are. I don't know what to think..." It's been who I was for the past 7-8 years of my life and since we were small we were exposed to the teachings. I had wanted to be a Circuit Overseer. I put off marriage, school, and well, I gave most of all I could...

I'm very depressed... I don't show it maybe, but I can say it. I'm frustrated but I have no one to blame I feel. I blame the Devil, but he isn't infront of me to curse.

In time like this, what have some of you done?

36

Help: Been Disfellowshipped for 6 Days

by weskerbouts in

six days ago, on the 24th, the announcement was made.

the prior 3 weeks were an 'interesting' time after having come forward about my sin (problem).

(i have an addiction to pornography.

weskerbouts

I will not discuss specifics of the level of deprivity of the things watched but I assure you it was not "scat" nor child pornography. There is new direction of the matter of pornography. This I am sure as it was previously unheard of, being disfellowshipped for such, until last year. (Probably something covered in Elder's School when they received their revised book for Congregation Elders.) I know a 2006 WT article discusses it--that disfellowshipping was possible disciplinary measure.

I came forward about it. I didn't want to continue this practice. I was a pioneer, on the RBC, an MS and had just about applied to BSSB in December but my conscience did not allow me to at that point. I do see it as harmful. I was asked 'how long?' I had viewed and 'how often'?. I think the fact that I had this problem before baptism, stopped before asking to be baptized, was okay for sometime afterward, but then again later and for the last 3-4 years... well, I imagine that was a major factor.

Other than that, I am considering, with a grain of salt, much of what the lot of you recommendeded. Many go back to the 'things of the past', but I did feel some teachings were right, though the hypocracy of the WTO lead me to [b]know[/b] that 'this' was not the way, but that Christ is the way, truth, and the life. I am still defining my beliefs, but I have just started. I have been reading and watching a lot of differing material. I do wish to pursue an education and move on--I have hope that I may.

A question that came up in my mind is say in the future I did decide to join, say, a non-denominational church... Would I have to write a letter of disassociation though I am already ''no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses''?

36

Help: Been Disfellowshipped for 6 Days

by weskerbouts in

six days ago, on the 24th, the announcement was made.

the prior 3 weeks were an 'interesting' time after having come forward about my sin (problem).

(i have an addiction to pornography.

weskerbouts

Six days ago, on the 24th, the announcement was made. The prior 3 weeks were an 'interesting' time after having come forward about my sin (problem). (I have an addiction to pornography.) Before the announcement, I spent time with close friends and family (all JWs) and told them what was to come. I was almost sure that I would kick this, and I intend to still, and work towards reinstatement. But I came across jwfacts.com. Long story short, things are as you would imagine--scary. To me this is a matter of importance, for despite what the WTO does, I believe in a God named Jehovah, in His Son, and His Holy Spirit.

I've prayed on the floor for direction, and there are times during the day when I still think of working towards reinstatment, forgetting what I read, just making a chouice. But this feeling of 'justice'(?) tells me I cannot given mostly the whole 1975 ordeal and the flip-flopping. Scripture indicates God does not work that way. What to do? I have wanted to get an education that I decided not to pursue due to strong influence from dear mentors and WTO's publications advocating trade schools instaed but I need first make things right. I know some here have had these experiences. I do not hate the GB of the WTO, but I do, at present, questions their claims to be 'God's spokesmen' and modern day 'Prophets'. I did have some doubt before baptism in 2005, but not enough to pull aside. I just dug in the literature and closed my ears to everything else and looked to the warmth, love, and encouragement of those around me.

My immediate family with who I live with are not JWs. But I have come to them with some of the material and they say, "I don't know what to tell you." I understand that, but I am waiting for something. My father is an SDA. Their take on things intrigues me. They have a similar teaching with a no Hellfire, no immortality of the soul, they have a belief that sincere followers of God, from any denomination, will be possibly saved. I had a Chief in Navy Bootcamp tell me this... Whenever he was lost in life he looked around at what he had, not what he didn't, said he would work hardest on those. I think, maybe, my father who did not raise me and who came later in my life as an SDA was brought here for a reason, but again, I'm not sure. I am waiting for a 'sign'. One that speaks to me so clearly. I wonder should I give SDA church a try. I know they are very smiliar to JWs. I read that on jwfacts.

What I need now is a miracle...