Six days ago, on the 24th, the announcement was made. The prior 3 weeks were an 'interesting' time after having come forward about my sin (problem). (I have an addiction to pornography.) Before the announcement, I spent time with close friends and family (all JWs) and told them what was to come. I was almost sure that I would kick this, and I intend to still, and work towards reinstatement. But I came across jwfacts.com. Long story short, things are as you would imagine--scary. To me this is a matter of importance, for despite what the WTO does, I believe in a God named Jehovah, in His Son, and His Holy Spirit.
I've prayed on the floor for direction, and there are times during the day when I still think of working towards reinstatment, forgetting what I read, just making a chouice. But this feeling of 'justice'(?) tells me I cannot given mostly the whole 1975 ordeal and the flip-flopping. Scripture indicates God does not work that way. What to do? I have wanted to get an education that I decided not to pursue due to strong influence from dear mentors and WTO's publications advocating trade schools instaed but I need first make things right. I know some here have had these experiences. I do not hate the GB of the WTO, but I do, at present, questions their claims to be 'God's spokesmen' and modern day 'Prophets'. I did have some doubt before baptism in 2005, but not enough to pull aside. I just dug in the literature and closed my ears to everything else and looked to the warmth, love, and encouragement of those around me.
My immediate family with who I live with are not JWs. But I have come to them with some of the material and they say, "I don't know what to tell you." I understand that, but I am waiting for something. My father is an SDA. Their take on things intrigues me. They have a similar teaching with a no Hellfire, no immortality of the soul, they have a belief that sincere followers of God, from any denomination, will be possibly saved. I had a Chief in Navy Bootcamp tell me this... Whenever he was lost in life he looked around at what he had, not what he didn't, said he would work hardest on those. I think, maybe, my father who did not raise me and who came later in my life as an SDA was brought here for a reason, but again, I'm not sure. I am waiting for a 'sign'. One that speaks to me so clearly. I wonder should I give SDA church a try. I know they are very smiliar to JWs. I read that on jwfacts.
What I need now is a miracle...
