Posts by CovertsadJW

57

What to Do....Please Help. Awakening JW for a very long time

by CovertsadJW in

good afternoon , .

i have been having doubts for many years and as most jw's i have certainly not done myself a favor by suppressing all of my critical thinking.

i am married with 3 kids and my wife and i are inactive, but my wife has made it very clear in speech and action that she wants to go to all meetings, field service, and indoctrinate our kids.

CovertsadJW

Thanks ,

I will be purchasing that book and read it myself.

57

What to Do....Please Help. Awakening JW for a very long time

by CovertsadJW in

good afternoon , .

i have been having doubts for many years and as most jw's i have certainly not done myself a favor by suppressing all of my critical thinking.

i am married with 3 kids and my wife and i are inactive, but my wife has made it very clear in speech and action that she wants to go to all meetings, field service, and indoctrinate our kids.

Do you think the “ cult was making you unhappy “ ? I ask because that all she talks about - how we are not doing enough, late for meetings , don’t have a family bible study , etc , etc. She was off and mad about something and I said “ I am very happy internally “ and I don’t need others approval. Wow that went over well , happiness is based on an internal locus and not and external locus for sure - people are chasing everything to be happy to no avail. The hardest part is watching affect me and the kids fairly significantly and it’s getting worse. She cannot and will not verbalize her “ behavior “ as inappropriate, has never said sorry. It’s a hard position to be in - religion issues and wife issues all tied up in one. She is too proud to go to therapy , see faults in herself , but so quick to blame me for her unhappiness all the time. Am I crazy ? Knowing the truth is a “ lie “ and my wife will not bend , look at facts , communicate without anger and cutting remarks says much. I am serious when I I have said ....is she trying to destroy our relationship and blame me or is she that blind to her behavior that she thinks she is doing good. She has really pushed me away , but now I look like “ a spiritually weak one “ when in fact that’s not true. I won’t say what I do for a living but when people ask me “ how can I be successful in this job .” I always say be humble so you can learn from others - same applies to waking up from the truth. You have to be very humble to wake up, you have to want truth and facts as it’s a very very painful process based on so many factors. Not one person says “ give me all of this pain “ Man I have nothing better to do than be a jerk , trash my religion, cause myself psychological harm , and maybe loose my family and friends for leaving - what craziness. But the facts are the facts

57

What to Do....Please Help. Awakening JW for a very long time

by CovertsadJW in

good afternoon , .

i have been having doubts for many years and as most jw's i have certainly not done myself a favor by suppressing all of my critical thinking.

i am married with 3 kids and my wife and i are inactive, but my wife has made it very clear in speech and action that she wants to go to all meetings, field service, and indoctrinate our kids.

CovertsadJW

Wow dubstepped,

Very welll said and your insight is spot on, I said this earlier -I never set up proper boundaries in our realarionship- I do stand up but not strong enough and not early enough in our relationship. Thanks for saying it’s okay - that means allot-. Yes any and all criticism is taken very personal; over the top and her critical nature is severe. She is smart , a very hard worker , but she is so hard on herself in everything- way over the top. She has lots of good qualities and I do not want to “ demean “ her , but that does not usurp her critical and demeaning nature. I’ve come to realize that if any person is constantly critical of themselves , people around them , the way people do things , the way they dress , what they drive , etc - that influence permeates the household and makes for a negative approach to life- I see it in our kids now - self doubt, anger, poor self esteem, etc. I really believe that a combination of being raised by a very strict mom, being a JW from birth with a personality that leans heavily towards negativity and then add the FOG, plus being married to a guy who does not believe and that’s a tough pill for a perfectionist to swallow. Camparisons are constant, etc. I want to live in a warm and kind household that has unconditional love , not perfect , just one that can raise ( the best we can ) good kids who are confident , have a good outlook in life , who value critical thinking and education. Life’s difficulties can be handled with the propel tools and you ( we, us ) do not have to hide or run away from problems - that’s what the JWs teach. That’s great short term but the long term consequences are devastating.

57

What to Do....Please Help. Awakening JW for a very long time

by CovertsadJW in

good afternoon , .

i have been having doubts for many years and as most jw's i have certainly not done myself a favor by suppressing all of my critical thinking.

i am married with 3 kids and my wife and i are inactive, but my wife has made it very clear in speech and action that she wants to go to all meetings, field service, and indoctrinate our kids.

CovertsadJW

Thank you so much everyone -this is really helping. To answer a few questions along the way.

In her mind , her opinion is the only one that counts usually. If I differ in my opinion she reacts in attitude and speech like I am attacking her personally. I am talking about small stuff. She gets mad, sometimes rolls her eyes, etc. I have stopped her many times and said “ don’t talk down to me”. Communication is poor , but I will keep trying.

Kids - I am not sure there is a slow way to introduce different thoughts or shall I say real facts in a way that is indiscreet. When my kids ask about something I answer but it’s not JW - they report this. The kids mostly do not want to go , but she is the driving force and when I don’t go she certainly lets me know. In her family her mom is the same-

Thank you so very much everyone - I really do appreciate the input and ideas.

57

What to Do....Please Help. Awakening JW for a very long time

by CovertsadJW in

good afternoon , .

i have been having doubts for many years and as most jw's i have certainly not done myself a favor by suppressing all of my critical thinking.

i am married with 3 kids and my wife and i are inactive, but my wife has made it very clear in speech and action that she wants to go to all meetings, field service, and indoctrinate our kids.

CovertsadJW

Thats kind of how I feel crazy guy, at this point I can never tell the kids how I feel. People say slowly introduce idea, etc, but my wife is on to that and wants no part. I bought them books on critical thinking ; they are young school aged and old enough to read and understand. ITs so sad that the JW.org makes it impossible to speak the truth without ripping apart families. I fell like I have been put in this position and despite what anyone may say I did not "choose" this way of thinking. I have looked at facts, examined all sides, and decided that the truth is a lie and a falsehood. So of course and you say, people will certainly plant seeds in my kids minds and my wife has those seeds already-we intermittently go to meetings, assemblies for one day, etc. She knows I do not want to be there, and makes me out to be bad to the kids, her friends, etc. The seeds are planted. I religion has put me in this position and I have not chosen it; being baptized at 15 certainly does not do me justice. We know that story.

52

New to the truth

by MatthewHewey in

jw
friends

i have been meeting with member's of the kingdom hall, and i have attended a few times now on sundays.

i'd like to discuss experiences with this group since i'm new.

so far, i love it.

CovertsadJW

Being a JW=giving up all critical thinking ability

Being a JW=Being less moral than the world as 99.9% of the worldly people will be destroyed according to them

Being a JW=Being created sick and commanded to be well under threat of eternal destruction

Being a JW=FOG-constant fear, obligation, and guilt as a motivation, not love.

Being a JW=depression, fatigue, self loathing, self doubt.

Being a JW=A denial of higher education for fear of loosing members.

No-dont do it

57

What to Do....Please Help. Awakening JW for a very long time

by CovertsadJW in

good afternoon , .

i have been having doubts for many years and as most jw's i have certainly not done myself a favor by suppressing all of my critical thinking.

i am married with 3 kids and my wife and i are inactive, but my wife has made it very clear in speech and action that she wants to go to all meetings, field service, and indoctrinate our kids.

CovertsadJW

That’s how I have been feeling for a while now. It’s not like i just started having doubts for a few months -it’s been years and intense in the last 8-9 months. I’ve been watching lots of well put together videos , reading JW facts , reading God is not great , just to help put the nail in my doubts not necessarily the Aetheist part. I feel like I am being forced to choose “ family unit “ or what I believe in my soul- at my wife’s constant criticism. I am a really mellow guy , and let so much go, but I think everyone reaches a saturation point. I just wish JW’s could debate with reasonableness ( wife included ). I love reading Christopher Hitchens books; the man is very well educated and a brilliant debater-I think my wife thinks the more mad she is , more critical she is , more yelling she does I will finally get it and fall in line. That’s been her MO for what she wants. Thanks everyone - this helps me

57

What to Do....Please Help. Awakening JW for a very long time

by CovertsadJW in

good afternoon , .

i have been having doubts for many years and as most jw's i have certainly not done myself a favor by suppressing all of my critical thinking.

i am married with 3 kids and my wife and i are inactive, but my wife has made it very clear in speech and action that she wants to go to all meetings, field service, and indoctrinate our kids.

CovertsadJW

I actually went to a therapist for the verbal abuse, but she did not go and when I asked her she said maybe. The abuse includes so much yelling, labeling the kids, swearing, negative self talk all the time. Its up and down but fairly constant. This just naturally roles into the JW mindset-seriously. I have not been good setting boundaries from the beginning, I think that is a part we give up when we are very unhealthy JWs. Yes-she gets angry and walks away with any JW.org talk that is the sad part. I can handle it, but I am worried about the kids. Has anyone taken their kids to therapy - to eradicate the cult type thinking?

Thanks

57

What to Do....Please Help. Awakening JW for a very long time

by CovertsadJW in

good afternoon , .

i have been having doubts for many years and as most jw's i have certainly not done myself a favor by suppressing all of my critical thinking.

i am married with 3 kids and my wife and i are inactive, but my wife has made it very clear in speech and action that she wants to go to all meetings, field service, and indoctrinate our kids.

CovertsadJW

I want to thank everyone for your replies, but I have become depressed-very, I have had anxiety for multiple reasons. I have read some great advice, and so much makes sense; except the fact that my wife would never ever except me as a non JW. I was reading the latest on Sex abuse scandal and she texted me What kind of S are you reading? She cannot communicate on basic issues( another topic) her parents, friends, brothers and sisters are all in it. Her brother is an Elder, etc, etc. Her family is very close. I can calmly sit down and talk about anything, but she has walked away from me and stonewalled me on so many occasions. I cant fake it-I run out of the hall so fast when we go, my kids have been asking questions and I am answering them honestly-my answers are not JW, but honest and my wife gets so upset. She has been mad for a very long time

Desperate

57

What to Do....Please Help. Awakening JW for a very long time

by CovertsadJW in

good afternoon , .

i have been having doubts for many years and as most jw's i have certainly not done myself a favor by suppressing all of my critical thinking.

i am married with 3 kids and my wife and i are inactive, but my wife has made it very clear in speech and action that she wants to go to all meetings, field service, and indoctrinate our kids.

CovertsadJW

Good afternoon ,

I have been having doubts for many years and as most JW's I have certainly not done myself a favor by suppressing all of my critical thinking. I am married with 3 kids and my wife and I are inactive, but my wife has made it very clear in speech and action that she wants to go to all meetings, field service, and indoctrinate our kids. Her unhappiness has become a major issue; she ultimately tells her friends that they are lucky to have husbands who go to meetings. You know when a person is not happy with another; its impossible to hide. I have been avoiding the issue-I am in a crisis of life changing proportions. I can't with all of my heart tell my kids such a lie-I cant even fake it. I would love to sit down with my wife and explain how I really feel in my heart; but that would be received as apostasy. I personally feel I should not fear reading, or researching, or telling a loved one how I really feel-but you know how that ends. I love my family and my kids, but my wife is so unhappy, is verbally abusive to me and the kids. I really feel that its not such a stretch that " from an abusive religion comes abusive, perfectionist type personalities". My kid are younger, not baptized and not fully indoctrinated. I feel if I stay I will be forced to " lie" to my kids and start the whole indoctrination process. After that you know what happens, fear, shame, guilt, baptism. A most certainly self-esteem crushing experience as I remember. I do not want that for my kids-what to do?

Any help would be great!

CovertsadJW