Posts by CovertsadJW

59

A Little Direction Please

by Brian J in

i'm an active elder, cobe, just got home from the meeting where i handled the treasures part and concluded by announcing a friend of mine has been d/f,.....blah blah blah...and over the last year have woken up.

i simply cannot spill my guts to my wife and children as it would be family suicide.

i have zero desire to bash, spread my feelings, or become an "apostate".

CovertsadJW

I am in the same position, but unfortunately I am unable to poke holes in the teachings-so I am mostly silent. I am fading, but my wife sees that and she gets so angry. I have come to the conclusion over so many months that their is no good -pain free options-only what may work for you. If my wife would accept and discuss the failings of the WT, that would make life so much easier. She refuses to discuss anything WT-reality not negative-with me. I have the right to stand up for what I believe just as much as she does, and I have just as much right to explain to the kids that the WT is not the right place to put your trust, and future. I have read stories of people planting seeds of doubt, but I am unable to do that; my wife picks up on that and gets angry every time. I love the examples of family research, family discussion about topics, and a slow process where everyone eventually comes to the same conclusion. I am unable to take that path in my home-I have tried multiple times. I am painted in a bad light to my kids; so it is painful and more painful. She immediately knows what I am up to, but its so hard to stay silent as when you really listen to the " language" used at the KH's ,its depressing, manipulative, guilt-ridden, anxiety producing bull-shit. She was proud of our son that was reading along during the last WT about education( Jan 21) -I almost vomited when I read that crap. Manipulation, Manipulation, controlling-watching my kids be partially brainwashed is very hard. This is not going to end well I don't think- I cannot even close to fake it anymore. I want my kids to have a normal life, be confident, pursue a dream, fin their place in the world out side of some crazy cult.

Frustrated.

12

A perfect guidebook ? Really

by CovertsadJW in

if jehovah is a “ perfect “ god and our everlasting life is in the balance - why then does a perfect god give us a very imperfect guide book “ bible “ one that is open for interpretation hundreds - or more - different ways.

if you look at it as an instruction book , it most likely is the worst written instruction book in mankind’s history.

i cannot interpret an instruction book on “ flying a plane “ , it only has one interpretation as your life depends on it , but alas it was written by imperfect men.

CovertsadJW

I have been taking to my father about some of these things and my mom - not to change their minds just to sort some out - but that is not safe. I asked my mom “ may I ask you one question ?” She said fine , but you know how I feel about Jevovahs organization and the imperfect men.”’I just realized that talking to anyone I know is not safe either intellectually, etc. I also just realized that as mention in other responses -it’s a waste of time and energy- I have to take care of myself. I am close to my parents but that page might be turning as they sense my discomfort with the JW teachings, my wife’s family knows something I’m sure. This is sad - I am getting pre-shunned - for wanting to know truth and facts only.

The number of adherents do not make it real.

The fuzzy and warm feeling does not make it the truth.

The mind control is amazing - not even willing to look at facts- but I learned my lesson. Again thank you as this is my safe space for revealing the “ truth” about my true feelings.

12

A perfect guidebook ? Really

by CovertsadJW in

if jehovah is a “ perfect “ god and our everlasting life is in the balance - why then does a perfect god give us a very imperfect guide book “ bible “ one that is open for interpretation hundreds - or more - different ways.

if you look at it as an instruction book , it most likely is the worst written instruction book in mankind’s history.

i cannot interpret an instruction book on “ flying a plane “ , it only has one interpretation as your life depends on it , but alas it was written by imperfect men.

CovertsadJW

If Jehovah is a “ perfect “ god and our everlasting life is in the balance - why then does a perfect God give us a very imperfect guide book “ Bible “ one that is open for interpretation hundreds - or more - different ways. If you look at it as an instruction book , it most likely is the worst written instruction book in mankind’s history. I cannot interpret an instruction book on “ flying a plane “ , it only has one interpretation as your life depends on it , but alas it was written by imperfect men. Simple truth

18

Sorry to hear that you left the "truth"

by eyeuse2badub in

the other day i ran into a jw who just happened to be my very friend during my jw days (which were most of my life).

so for about 60 years we were each other’s very best friend.

we grew up together from about 8 years old and are the same age, now in our early 70’s.

CovertsadJW

The JW / GB do a great job programming people - it’s hella creepy. In retrospect I cannot recognize or understand my lack of critical thinking - thought process.

57

What to Do....Please Help. Awakening JW for a very long time

by CovertsadJW in

good afternoon , .

i have been having doubts for many years and as most jw's i have certainly not done myself a favor by suppressing all of my critical thinking.

i am married with 3 kids and my wife and i are inactive, but my wife has made it very clear in speech and action that she wants to go to all meetings, field service, and indoctrinate our kids.

CovertsadJW

Thank you much

18

Sorry to hear that you left the "truth"

by eyeuse2badub in

the other day i ran into a jw who just happened to be my very friend during my jw days (which were most of my life).

so for about 60 years we were each other’s very best friend.

we grew up together from about 8 years old and are the same age, now in our early 70’s.

CovertsadJW

That is a wise response and I will remember that.

20

Best way to deal with anger at the GB while waking up?

by CovertsadJW in

good morning everyone , .

i am wondering how people have personally delt with the anger at the gb when waking up and realizing it’s a scam, lie , and it’s awfully depressing .

i have had difficulty concentrating at work , have had an emotional roller coaster between okay days and awful days.

CovertsadJW

Thank you everyone,

My wife sees this in me ( previous post) , so I won't go down that road. I am college educated , but I would like to get an advanced degree for myself and no other reason. I would love to help my kids understand that life is very, very special and take the time to really understand who you are, what you represent, what you enjoy in life. What most people may not understand that you will change as a person as you get older, your views will change, and as you get educated it is okay to remove old belief systems that do not work any longer, take to much of your emotional input with no return. I see being a JW as a one way street only-what can you do for us- The GB does not care who we are, what we like, what our passions in life is, what makes us special in the universe. Its such a one sided cult and its amazing that I was in it for so long. But I agree with so many of the comments and I would like to thank all of you-this is my therapy. I went to a therapist, but at $ 160.00 per hour that is so expensive. I will go in the new future, but I need to have kind of a plan and goal for therapy and this is helping me. I have been in contact with Marlene Winell, Phd who started the " RTS" or Religious Trauma Syndrome-I don't live too far from her but she "Skypes". I understand that I will be going through these emotions, and I cannot let them control me, but I guess recognize as part of the process. But yes, it feels like I lost a very close person in death-seriously. I am in my 40's and have never felt like this. Thank you everyone. !!

Warm regards and carry on.

20

Best way to deal with anger at the GB while waking up?

by CovertsadJW in

good morning everyone , .

i am wondering how people have personally delt with the anger at the gb when waking up and realizing it’s a scam, lie , and it’s awfully depressing .

i have had difficulty concentrating at work , have had an emotional roller coaster between okay days and awful days.

CovertsadJW

Thanks much for the input- I am a happy guy ( I can separate the anger ) at GB and I don’t take it out on others - but i do have to be kinder to myself as we are not taught that as J-Dubs. I was born in with about 30+!family members, cousins , grandparents , etc in- so that’s a huge motivator to stay in.

20

Best way to deal with anger at the GB while waking up?

by CovertsadJW in

good morning everyone , .

i am wondering how people have personally delt with the anger at the gb when waking up and realizing it’s a scam, lie , and it’s awfully depressing .

i have had difficulty concentrating at work , have had an emotional roller coaster between okay days and awful days.

CovertsadJW

I thinks it’s a combination of deceit , lies , wasted time. I also feel that it’s so much about 80%-90% of the fact that once realized that’s pain enough. In a normal club , faith of the non-cult type I could just walk away without a second more damaging injury of loosing family , etc. I think now that I am writing about it , yes I could turn the page on that part of my life in a normal non cult faith and move on, focus on myself and positive things. That would not be too bad. It’s the waking up knowing the consequences of waking up I think - if that makes sense.

20

Best way to deal with anger at the GB while waking up?

by CovertsadJW in

good morning everyone , .

i am wondering how people have personally delt with the anger at the gb when waking up and realizing it’s a scam, lie , and it’s awfully depressing .

i have had difficulty concentrating at work , have had an emotional roller coaster between okay days and awful days.

CovertsadJW

Good morning everyone ,

I am wondering how people have personally delt with the anger at the GB when waking up and realizing it’s a scam, lie , and it’s awfully depressing . I have had difficulty concentrating at work , have had an emotional roller coaster between okay days and awful days. I am almost fixated on reading and watching Videos on the GB, false prophecies , etc . II know everyone’s personal battles are different, I think I am fairly tough emotionally - but I feel like I have been run over by a truck - and have mixed feelings of sadness, anger , almost a hatred . Is this proportionate with others experiences ? I have never experienced anything like this emotionally before in my entire life.

Thank you