Posts by poohbear1962

19

naughty elder in Detroit

by Dogpatch in

jw
friends

passed on from a loyal jw:.

disgrace was surely brought upon jehovah's name last night.

on the 10 o'clock news there is this program called the problem solvers.

poohbear1962

Hehehheheheh.. shouldn't this be posted in the "Humor" section??? ;-)

12

My Lonnng Story...

by poohbear1962 in

several folks asked to hear my story, so here goes - i hope you don't fall asleep!!

it's a story that's been told many, many times - i was pretty much raised as a jehovahs witness (my mom was baptized when i was 6 years old), and i simply followed along and accepted for years what i was being told.

going through school, i just learned to be different (which, in some ways, is a good thing... im hoping that will make it easier to break free).

poohbear1962

Everyone,

Thank you for the warm welcome, and for all of the wonderful support and comfort!!! It really means a lot to know that there are people out there that actually care about others!! Things are going pretty well (all things considered), and I feel peace and quiet for the first time in a LOT of years - maybe ever!! I know I don't recall ever feeling this free before, that is for sure!! The boys are doing remarkably well, considering all that is happening, but, I'm going to get them some counseling, too...

Again, thank you sooooooo much!! You folks are the BEST!!! :-)

Take care, and have a wonderful day!!! :-)

Poohbear

12

My Lonnng Story...

by poohbear1962 in

several folks asked to hear my story, so here goes - i hope you don't fall asleep!!

it's a story that's been told many, many times - i was pretty much raised as a jehovahs witness (my mom was baptized when i was 6 years old), and i simply followed along and accepted for years what i was being told.

going through school, i just learned to be different (which, in some ways, is a good thing... im hoping that will make it easier to break free).

poohbear1962

Hello, all!!

Several folks asked to hear my story, so here goes - I hope you don't fall asleep!! *grin*

It's a story that's been told many, many times - I was pretty much raised as a Jehovah’s Witness (my Mom was baptized when I was 6 years old), and I simply followed along and accepted for years what I was being told. Going through school, I just learned to be “different” (which, in some ways, is a good thing… I’m hoping that will make it easier to break free). Needless to say, as I went through High School, I never dated, or went to any social gatherings with “worldly people”. Anything that was a question for me, I would simply “wait upon Jehovah” for increased “light” from his Organization (sound familiar, eh??). Years went by, and I was treated poorly and unkindly by most of the kids at the Hall (mostly Elder’s sons), and we lived in a remote area, so my teenage years were pretty dysfunctional, so life as a JW seemed pretty normal to me!! ;-)

In 1975, I was baptized at the age of 13 years old (much TOO young to make such a life-long commitment). Actually, in some ways, being a JW served as a protection – I didn’t get in any trouble as a youth. However, I also didn’t get to go to college, and I didn’t get any experience in dating and relationships with the opposite sex (which would cause a major mistake later on in life!!)

Fast forward to the age of 22. All of my friends (Witnesses, of course) were getting married, and I was kind of “set up” with a young woman by some of my friends. She was fairly nice during the courtship, but since I wasn’t experienced, I couldn’t see the “warning signs” of what was to come. As you can guess, what happens when two JW’s of opposite sex date? Right!! They get MARRIED!! We studied part of the “old” Family book with an Elder (which really didn’t help much at all). Years later, a lot of folks told me that they could see even before we were married that we were ill-matched, but few tried to intervene. Actually, only on family did, and they did it in such an offensive way, that it made me cling to her all the more so! Also, at that time I was of the mindset that “if we are both worshipping Jehovah, and if He is in our marriage, then we are BOUND to succeed!” Idealistic, to say the LEAST!!!

Within the first month of marriage, she was raging and yelling at me (my parents NEVER raised their voices to each other). I was confused, angry, sad, and felt trapped (remember. “Till death do you part” still rang in my ears), but I didn’t want to bother the Elders with it (since I figured they had enough REAL problems to deal with, and I didn’t want undue attention brought to my situation). Also, for years I had heard jokes about husbands and wives fighting, so I figured this must be the “norm”. Maybe it was Mom and Dad who were “different”. So, I endured the verbal and emotional abuse for years, and learned to yell back, and things just got worse. All this time, we were both “exemplary” in the congregation, she was a pioneer, and I was a MS. During so many years, I would never even consider divorce (being a good JW), “…for better or worse… til death do you part”!

It seemed that, no matter how hard I tried to please her, it was never enough. I worked hard so that she could pioneer. I became a Ministerial Servant (to please Jehovah, but also to make her happy, too). I never felt comfortable as a “role model” within the congregation, but I diligently performed my assigned tasks. During the time she was a pioneer, the abuse got worse and worse, until she finally agreed to get some counseling. After month and months of expensive sessions, her therapist (a very BAD therapist) simply allowed her to blame her Mom for everything, but didn’t have her work on NEW, HEALTHY thought patterns. As a result, everything eventually came back to the way it had always been. While we were dating, she knew that I love music and that I loved playing guitar. But, as soon as we were married, she let me know that she thought that such activities were a waste of valuable time (“living in the last days, time is short... yadda yadda yadda… blah blah blah”). So, needless to say, I sold most of my instruments, and put all of my musical aspirations “on hold” (for the sake of peace in the household). Yet another sacrifice to try to appease the “goddess” – my wife!! Unfortunately, no mater what I did, nothing ever made her happy…

Then, around 1989, her sister and all her friends were beginning families, so she decided she wants a baby. I thought to myself, “She’s not emotionally mature enough to be a stable mother to a child!” But, then again, I thought, “Well, maybe this is what she NEEDS to make her feel happy and complete”. Wrong!! It just added to the burdens we already carried as “good-for-nothing slaves”. So, she became an unprepared, immature mother, and I, in addition to my MS duties (talks, Sound Room, Maintenance, etc, etc), was now thrust into the role of Father – totally unequipped! Then, 21 months later, along comes number two!! I love both of my sons dearly, but having two babies in the household put a LOT of pressure on us both. And, trying to make it on one income (and, a lower income as I was without a college education), and you get the picture! I felt like I could never be everything – like I was a failure! No matter what I did, it wasn’t enough: I couldn’t please her, I found my patience short with my babies, and ultimately, I had to step down from being a MS – it was too much to try to keep my duties AND tend to my sons when they needed attention.

Along about this time (1994), I started having anxiety and panic attacks. I couldn’t sleep at night (I felt as if an elephant were sitting on my chest), and would have to have several drinks to calm myself down. My sister (who was also battling stress and emotional problems) gave me a book, which helped me a LOT!! (even though it wasn’t from WTBTS of NY Inc!!) So, I started the long road to recovery. I was suffering from very low self-esteem (following Paul’s words to “beat and pummel your body” and considering myself a “good-for-nothing slave”, along with a few childhood issues). But, with a lot of work, and “reprogramming” my tapes, I started feeling much better, and started regaining control of my life. I still felt trapped in a loveless marriage, and, I couldn’t figure out why someone who claimed to love and serve Jehovah could treat her family so terribly. However, during this time, I also started seeing things a little more clearly, both within the congregation and within my home. However, we just limped along and hopped for things to get better. We tried couselling, but it didn't help. She simply thought if I would only do what a "christain" husband SHOULD do (take the lead in field ministry, family study, etc) then all would be fine. Well, no matter what I did, I could never make her happy... and, I never really felt completely loved by her.

About two years ago, in 1999, we had a particularly bad argument, and she struck me several times. Then, as I was leaving, she called 911. Long story short, she was arrested for assault on me. Even though I begged the officers not to take her, due to our state laws, they had to. After the arrest, she began going to a therapist (but not really trying to change her behavior – it was mostly for show to the Courts). When her case came to trial, I didn’t press charges, of course. But, now she has a record of violent behavior, which worsened as time went on.

We continued to limp along, trying to keep things together, but never reaching that special heart-to-heart “connection” that all successful relationships seem to have. There was always something in the way, some way that I wasn’t pleasing her, or something in the way. In her attempts to be the “perfect Christian”, and to maintain appearances, she has developed significant “deception” skills. She can study and prepare for all the meetings, answer and smile, and go out knocking on doors, but she really doesn’t reflect “the fruitage of the spirit” which I believe is what is most important – the putting on of the “new personality”. All the underlining of answers and knocking on doors is useless if we don’t become Christ-like in our life! I believe Paul referred to it as being a “sounding piece of brass” if we did all of these things, but didn’t have love. And, I believe our leader Jesus referred to the Pharisees who would “strain out the gnat and swallow the camel”, even calling them “hypocrites”! All of this has given me an ever worse “taste in my mouth” regarding the so-called “truth”. But, if humans don’t live up to what the Bible says, do I fault the imperfect human, the “organization”, or the creator that caused us to be or become imperfect?

In the intervening time, she had several anger-related incidents on her job as a school bus driver, to where they had to change her routes, and even require her to attend group anger management sessions. And this is WHILE she is on Prozac! Why would a woman who was raised a JW have such anger and hostility? Well, her mother suffers from bipolar disorder, depression, and chemical imbalance. Yet, while her childhood was less that ideal, at a certain point a person needs to take ownership of their issues and actually DO something about them. She’s 41 years old, and has been away from home for about 19 years. Yet, all the prayer, study and field service (remember, she used to be a pioneer) she is still as ill as ever.

Fast forward to two months ago. In a fit of rage against my youngest son, she physically hurt him on the arm, bruising him. This fact she hid from me (“Christian deception”?), and the only way I found out was that a teacher at school saw the bruise, and asked my son about it. Quickly the Principal and Child Protective Services were involved. In some ways, I feel this event was “divine providence”, because Jehovah knows that I wouldn’t have made her move for just verbal and emotional abuse – it would take something more serious. Yet, I also believe that He protected my son from greater harm – as bad as it was (and, bad enough to leave a bruise), she could have hurt him MUCH worse! I mean, a large, angry woman could do a LOT of damage to a small, eight year old boy! It frightens me even to THINK about what could have happened!

So, here I am now at a crossroads – a separated father, with a moderate to severe “crisis in faith”. I’ve seen enough of my friends disfellowshipped (or, being pressured to disassociate themselves as in Robin’s case), and I find that practice abhorrent! There are so many different things that concern me, most revolving around lack of love. As I post, you will note my “signature” quoting Jesus regarding his followers having “LOVE among themselves”. Within the congregation, there is often a lot of judgment, fear, guilt, and lack of love. I’m discouraged (I haven’t got “door to door” in years because, as I told a couple of Elders during a shepherding call, “I can’t very well go out and sell something that I’m not sure I even believe anymore!”), and having some serious doubts about the whole JW “gig” anymore. But, right now, I am going through enough stress that I am just going to “go through the motions” for a little longer until the divorce is final. Once I make that “step”, I know that I will face a LOT of pressure from friends, elders, inlaws, etc. Actually, at this point, I’m tentatively planning to “fade away” slowly after the divorce. But, once things are settled down, I’m hoping to be able to think more clearly, with her out of the picture, and see what my perspective is at that point. Sorry for the lonnnnnnnng story, but once I started, it just kind of “poured out”! *blush* Thank you for listening, and for caring. Taking it one day at a time, I’m feeling better every day!! ;-)

Take care, and have a wonderful day!! ;-)

Pooh

7

new, too -- from NE Ohio

by reagan_oconnor in

hi, all; i posted a bit without introducing myself, and i apologize.. i'm reagan, i was a jw for the first 20 years of my life.

parents are still very involved in the organization (dad's the po in their congregation, mom's a reg.

pioneer).

poohbear1962

Reagan,

Welcome to the Forum!! I just recently joined myself!! :-) I was referred to this site by a good friend (goes by the name of "rob" on here), and I am quie thankful!! FOlks are very supportive, and mostly non-judgmental (a BIG difference from the congregation!!) Also, it's very theraputic to read and share experiences of others going through similar situations!!! Again, welcome!! :-)

Take care, and have a wonderful day!! :-)

Pooh

8

what directions fate can point us in

by Nefabrummion in

greeting.

i,m new here but i think this is a great webb page to let other brothers & sisters interact.

i,m 23 yrs old and was raised in the truth; so i;ve never been involved in any other religion.

poohbear1962

Nef,

Welcome to the forum! I'm very sorry for what you have been through.. I can only imagine the pain and heartache you have experienced!! Not only the loss of loved ones, but also the shunning... plus the guilt you are feeling now... we are trained to feel guilt, but it really is a waste of emotion, and it's totally man-made - we can't change the past, only the future, so please forgive yourself! You've been through a very difficult time, and you were looking for love and acceptance (totally understandable)... you have begun making changes, and that is very commendable! Plus, it's sounds like you are a very responsible father, too!

But, please remember that "God is LOVE", and he will never turn his back on one "broken in spirit"! We have all made mistakes in our lives, yet Jehovah still loves us enough to listen to our prayers - after all, he is "the hearer of prayer"! So, turn to Him in prayer with confidence... confess your errors to him, and he will forgive you... He misses you, you know... remember the parable of "The Prodigal Son"... He loves you, and wants you to approach Him in prayer!!!

Take care, and again, welcome!! ;-)

Pooh

17

new here

by jurs in

i've been a witness for 6 years.

when a sweet pioneer sister came to my door and i started studying i never thought i would become a witness.

21/2 years of studying i did get baptized.

poohbear1962

Jurs,

Welcome!! I just recently joined myself!! :-) I was referred to this site by a DA'd friend that I still communicate with (goes by the name of "rob" on here), and I am quie thankful!! It's very theraputic to read and share experiences, especially since we are "encouraged" not to talk about doubts, question, etc with other JWs. Really kinda odd, since (and you will hear this often) "if it's REALLY the truth, it SHOULD stand up to scrutiny"!!! Again, welcome!!

Take care!!

Pooh

24

did you talk to the elders?

by Moxy in

jw
friends

on your way out, did you have the 'talk' with an elder?

(or elders?

) the kind of, 'excuse me, brother only-elder-who-i-really-trust, i've been having serious doubts about such-and-such and i would really appreciate it if you could help me see if i'm missing something, i sincerely want to know...'.

poohbear1962

Zev,

You mention in your post that you "felt like a failure". Please know that you are NOT a failure, at all!! Both you and your wife have done a great job (and, in the face of some serious obstacles!!), as in proof of raising a responsible young man, and helping to correct his course! You and your wife should both be proud of your accomplishment!! I have seen this sort of thing on many occaisions in many congregations (giving up on youths due to "youthful indescretions), and it reminds me of Jesus words to the Scribes and Pharisees. I can't remember the exact quote, but words to the effect that they would 'traverse lands and seas to make a convert, but not lift a finger to help a fellow brother'. It seems they wouldn't do anything to help much in this situation, other than "mark" your stepson, and I think that is sad!! I applaud your endurance to still be a JW in the face of all of this!!

Take care!!

Pooh

16

New member....

by poohbear1962 in

....this is only my second post, so please be gentle!!!

thank you all for such a wonderful, supporting, loving, caring forum... where the truth at last can be spoken!!!

...i have soooooo many posts to make, and soooooo little time!!!

poohbear1962

Thank you, all, for your warm welcome and kind wishes!! :-) Many have asked to know "my story", and I am currently putting it together... VERY theraputic!!! But, I'm afraid I will have to make a "Reader's Digest" version to post (as I am currently up to THREE PAGES in MS WORD!! LOL!!) ....don't want to put anyone to sleep so soon in my "apostate" career!! ;-)

Take care, and have a wonderful day!!

Pooh

P.S. Oooooppps, did I just "say a greeting" to "DF'd/DA'd" people???? *yikes* ....whatever would the "WTBTS of NY, Inc and their Successors and Assigns" think?!??! *grin*

16

New member....

by poohbear1962 in

....this is only my second post, so please be gentle!!!

thank you all for such a wonderful, supporting, loving, caring forum... where the truth at last can be spoken!!!

...i have soooooo many posts to make, and soooooo little time!!!

poohbear1962

Everyone,

....this is only my second post, so please be gentle!!! :-)

Thank you all for such a wonderful, supporting, loving, caring Forum... where the TRUTH at LAST can be SPOKEN!!! ...I have soooooo many posts to make, and soooooo little time!!! ;-)

Take care, and have a wonderful evening!!!

Pooh

24

did you talk to the elders?

by Moxy in

jw
friends

on your way out, did you have the 'talk' with an elder?

(or elders?

) the kind of, 'excuse me, brother only-elder-who-i-really-trust, i've been having serious doubts about such-and-such and i would really appreciate it if you could help me see if i'm missing something, i sincerely want to know...'.

poohbear1962

...this is my first post, so please be gentle!! *grin*

Moxy,

Thank you for opening such a thought-provoking thread!!

Somebody,

Thank you for sharing your painful experience!! All I can say is "AMEN"!!! The procedure of Disfellowshipping has bothered me for YEARS (I was baptised in 1975 at the age of 13, WAYYYYY too young to make that decision, but that is ANOTHER topic)... my aunt fought with smoking for over 20 years... and was only recently reinstated!! I wonder how much SOONER she might have quit with the love and support of her friends and family, instead of being cast off and ostracized like a leper!! SUCH a load of crap!!! *blood pressure rising now* ...I'm still attending off and on, but my days are numbered, I can feel it!! I applaud your wise decision to leave, and I hope I can do the same soon!!

Thank you all for such a wonderful, supporting, loving, caring Forum... where the TRUTH at LAST can be SPOKEN!!! ...I have soooooo many posts to make, and soooooo little time!!! ;-)

Take care, and have a wonderful evening!!!