an inactive jw guy, still close and in contact with jw family and some jw friends, wanting to marry a worldy christendom girl.
he made their relationship known to everybody (family and friends).
excited to get married to the girl and to start a life proper.. the jw thinking is still strong in him - doctrine, holidays, voting and stuffs; but indicated disagreement with some wts policies, teaching about wts being the only true religion, and did some research about wts, even read a part of coc.. what say you about this guy?
Just to intrude on your thread - I can only re-iterate that reading mine might be really useful. The advice and stories I have received have been amazingly helpful and gave me a lot to think about.
As someone in a vaguely similar situation, I can completely empathise how difficult it is to find the truth in amongst the words, and I hope you can find your way
apologies if this has been discussed before, or is in the wrong forum, but i could really do with some advice.
two years ago i met the love of my life; someone i regard as my soulmate.
he is an active jw and i am a practising church of england person.
Nugget - can you explain further what you mean when you say that when JWs talk of love that they do not mean the same thing as other people?
I completely agree that he does not know what he wants and is very confused right now. I don't think it was any accident that the first place he suggested for dinner was the place that we had our first date, and I know that he was breaking the rules from when he was reproved by even being on his own with me.
I am at something of a crossroads in my life (notwithstanding this issue) and he has been encouraging me to develop spiritually before making any decisions. I also discovered for the first time that he had been Church of England before he became JW (although I had always been previously lead to believe he had grown up a JW) - I am really now really struggling to ascertain what is the truth about him, apart from when his true feelings for me actually surface (and of which I have no doubt). But when he is in "JW mode" I feel like he is just telling me what he thinks I want to hear...
apologies if this has been discussed before, or is in the wrong forum, but i could really do with some advice.
two years ago i met the love of my life; someone i regard as my soulmate.
he is an active jw and i am a practising church of england person.
And also, many many thanks for the concern and thoughts in my absence - it is greatly touching xx
apologies if this has been discussed before, or is in the wrong forum, but i could really do with some advice.
two years ago i met the love of my life; someone i regard as my soulmate.
he is an active jw and i am a practising church of england person.
Hello all,
Sorry this has been so long in coming... Been working away without internet and unable to reply....
A confusing update for consideration. I recently was sitting in a grotty hotel with a view of a railway station, and was looking at spending several days back in London on my own without working. The weather report was lovely, so I decided to spend a few days visiting old friends back in my hometown (where my JW lives). I texted him to say that I was going to be visiting, not expecting him to reply. As I was on the last bus back, he texted me back saying that he would meet up with me that afternoon when I arrived - very unexpected. I agreed to meet him in public by the beach for an ice cream, and a chance to ask my questions in person, so that he couldn't dodge me! (He never did reply to the email). He came straight back with an invitation for a drive in the countryside, dinner and a couple of drinks. This was hugely unexpected, especially as it would mean being on our own without a chaperone. And we talked A LOT... but JGNAT above has summed it up so well. It was an amazing day and he was in love with me all over again (we didn't do anything other than hug), but now he is back to not answering my texts...
One thing that he said struck me as odd, and I would like to ask you all about it... He said he had only made a commitment to do FOUR hours a month witnessing door to door... This seemed like very little, but he said it was better to make a commitment for hours achievable, than fail to keep a commitment for more...
Either way, I kept all the good advice in the back of my head whilst we were chatting, and it did help me to ask those questions I really wanted to ask, and not allow my feelings to override my brain listening to what he was actually saying...
Regards
apologies if this has been discussed before, or is in the wrong forum, but i could really do with some advice.
two years ago i met the love of my life; someone i regard as my soulmate.
he is an active jw and i am a practising church of england person.
Apologies for not replying sooner... Just needed to take a step back and seriously give thought to all that has been discussed so far. It's been hard to hear at times, and even harder to accept what you are all telling me, as wise as it is!
It greatly saddens me, but I realise that I have some exceptionally hard decisions and choices to make with my future, and how to proceed...
I am very glad that I posted this thread, as it has been incredibly informative and enlightening, and hopefully might be useful to others in my position too! I can't believe this thread has so many hits already :)
I have still not heard a reply to my email, but will keep you all informed when I do
Regards
apologies if this has been discussed before, or is in the wrong forum, but i could really do with some advice.
two years ago i met the love of my life; someone i regard as my soulmate.
he is an active jw and i am a practising church of england person.
N.drew - I agree that he may well be damaged emotionally by his previous experiences. When I met him and fell for him, I knew nothing of his JW beliefs and he did not initially tell me as he thought it would send me running for the hills...
I just want him to be happy in himself and his life, and I want him to make those decisions for himself, ideally with my support, but without my input. And from the amazing advice and stories here, also choose not to be a JW, but I realise that is a huge decision that only he can make, and he may well change his mind later on in life, and that is something I have to think about for myself.
I appreciate the comments about not really knowing someone after three weeks, and it makes perfect sense. I really can't explain the feelings and emotional side of this because it doesn't make sense to anyone in the rational world - it barely makes sense to me!
There are so many contradictions about him and his behaviour. Sometimes he acts like the perfect JW, and then it feels like I am actually talking to him for real...
Still waiting for my email response from him
apologies if this has been discussed before, or is in the wrong forum, but i could really do with some advice.
two years ago i met the love of my life; someone i regard as my soulmate.
he is an active jw and i am a practising church of england person.
Sorry, I should have added this before... My bloke is 27 and has been through one Witness marriage already. He was married to an American girl and emigrated out there, but the culture shock and lack of work was too great for him and the marriage broke down. He moved back to the UK, and although legally divorced when he was 25 years old, he was not scriptually divorced, so by being with me, he was committing adultery.
He has since been granted a scriptual divorce and his KH "allowed" him to date a JW girl. She sadly suffered with mental health issues and tragically committed suicide just before Christmas. It was around this time that he initially reached back out to me, as he admitted that he had no one else to talk through the way he was feeling. We spent a lot of days texting back and forth around that time, and then he went silent on me again. I don't know why he has contacted me this time, but I did tell him to leave me alone if he wasn't serious about us being together as it was too difficult on me to be in contact with him otherwise.
I don't know if this changes anything about the discussion so far, but I know it was very difficult for him...
james_woods - "theocratic strategy" sounds terrible!
apologies if this has been discussed before, or is in the wrong forum, but i could really do with some advice.
two years ago i met the love of my life; someone i regard as my soulmate.
he is an active jw and i am a practising church of england person.
I am supposed to get a reply this evening to my original email. I received a quick note last night from his iPad saying that he had been too busy to reply so far, but he would be able to respond better.
I shall keep you updated... But I fear I may just be fobbed off as james_woods says above - that he might not be willing or able to tell me. I wonder if he has delayed telling me his reply because he is seeking advice from his KH... Sorry, getting cynical now!
apologies if this has been discussed before, or is in the wrong forum, but i could really do with some advice.
two years ago i met the love of my life; someone i regard as my soulmate.
he is an active jw and i am a practising church of england person.
MMXIV - thank you so much for this insight. My job is immensely important to me and I have worked very hard for ten years to get where I am today. You have answered a number of questions I had about this. I am currently touring a play with one (male) actor, about the contentious issue of assisted suicide, with swearing... And we stay in hotels three nights a week, obviously in separate rooms. I have never been unfaithful to a partner ever whilst away, but with everything you have described, I may end up heading down that route. My boss is a young gay man too...
And what you say about some JW being really nice - I truly believe this. I find it hard to believe that they are bad people, just misguided in many ways and sucked into this cult.
What other practical questions could I ask my chap, before I get stuck into the spiritual stuff? I'm really interested in getting all the information about what my life would be like on a daily basis, and have found this a truly enlightening experience.
And yes, if he really loved me as much as he said he did, he would be willing to compromise and listen to my point of view. I have always held true to people's opinions being valid, even if I disagree with them. I really want to be able to have an open and honest dialogue with him and lay everything on the table for him, with hard facts behind me...
apologies if this has been discussed before, or is in the wrong forum, but i could really do with some advice.
two years ago i met the love of my life; someone i regard as my soulmate.
he is an active jw and i am a practising church of england person.
Hi all - back again! Again, many thanks for the fascinating replies...
Can't find the exact post, but I just wanted to clarify that I am completely genuine in my question here. I know it may seem odd that I describe this man as my soulmate, and that I love him so much, after such a short time together. I am a sane, rational human being that never would believe in love at first sight, but that is what happened. I knew within five minutes of meeting that I needed this guy in my life, somehow... I hope that helps to allay any fears that I'm not being real about this. It's hard to explain, but we never really left each other, despite the no contact. And for those three weeks, I had an amazing non JW time with him.
So, to update, I have sent him an email with my more practical questions, about my job and how he sees our life together being practically... I'm going to build up to the more spiritual ones once I get his first replies....
I've got 9 more posts today, and I am amazingly appreciative of all the advice and help so far - I am amazed that so many people have read this topic and been willing to share their stories.
Regards
