In love with a JW...

CuriousUK

Hi all,

Apologies if this has been discussed before, or is in the wrong forum, but I could really do with some advice. Two years ago I met the love of my life; someone I regard as my soulmate. He is an active JW and I am a practising Church of England person. At that time we let our feelings get the better of us, until he was reported and then subsequently reproved (nearly disfellowshipped) and we were unable to see each other again, or even talk to each other, which was heartbreaking, and difficult when living in the same small town.

We worked in the same large company, but spent a lot of time deliberately having to avoid each other, but those times when we did see each other, it was evident that our feelings for each other had not gone away.

He has been texting me a lot recently, and recently proposed, but only under the proviso that I convert to JW. He has been a Witness all his life and it is all he has known, so I understand why he finds it difficult to accept my religion, and I don't want him to be seen as a weak JW by dating me... it's just so difficult! I want to marry him so much, and have been doing a lot of reading into JW practices and beliefs, but currently am finding it so hard to make that adjustment. I feel like I would be making a mockery of his beliefs if I became a JW, because I don't think my heart would be entirely true.

I just don't know what to do. I've agreed to do a Bible Study with an open mind, but I just wish we could be together as we are, with compromises on both sides.

Advice gratefully received

leavingwt

Please begin saving money to hire a divorce attorney. You're going to need one.

All relationships end. You should seriously consider ending this one before it requires an attorney.

Welcome to the forum.

Required Reading: 'Combatting Cult Mind Control' by Steve Hassan

http://www.amazon.com/Combatting-Cult-Mind-Control-Best-selling/dp/0892813113/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1331559332&sr=8-1

N.drew

There are two things you should know about the religion of Jehovah's Witnesses. They teach they are NOT a religion because they say "religion is a snare and a racket". What they are is a congregation of people who are dedicated to GOD, that is what their baptism is suppose to mean.

The other thing to know is men who are JW are encouraged (by scripture and the congregation) to reach out for oversight in the congregation. 1Timothy 3:1 If he does reach out and becomes one, you can forget your marriage. The congregation will be first. If he does not reach out some of the "flock" will think there is something wrong with you.

If your love is real I suggest you pray that his eyes be opened and be patient.

finally awake

You DO NOT want to become a JW. Believe me when I say that you are asking for a life of misery if you continue in this relationship. My husband and I were married for several years before we became JWs, and yet the borg managed to drive a wedge between us that took over 10 years to dismantle. You have no idea just how intrusive and controlling this religion is, you've only seen the tiniest sliver. Just think about the level of control the borg exercises over JWs if your boyfriend can't even speak to you at work. That doesn't get any better - it just gets worse after you become a JW.

Amelia Ashton

A Jehovah's Witness's love is conditional. Already marriage is conditional on your submission to this cult.

wannabefree

Welcome ... here are a few threads to consider. Best wishes.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/136188/1/Dating-Witnessing-to-a-Lapsed-Jehovahs-Witness

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/members/private/221128/1/hi-new-here

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/social/relationships/212832/1/Need-Opinions-Engaged-to-a-JW

Jim_TX

Don't walk. Run!! Away from this fella.

I speak from experience, as I was once that young fella, and you were the young lady whose life I screwed up. I regret that to this day.

There are many people in life that you will find that you are compatible with. You just need to find someone who is willing to not put 'conditions' on your relationship. Perhaps you need to look outside your small town.

Good Luck.

Regards,

Jim TX

DesirousOfChange

I've agreed to do a Bible Study with an open mind,

Studying with JWs will not teach you the Truth about JWs.

It will only teach you what they want you to know.

It will not be a BIBLE Study. It will be a WT publication study.

So you won't really learn much about the Bible either.

INSTEAD........Go grad yourself another cup of tea and spend a few hours reading posts here.

Then go to jwfacts.com and do some "studying".

If and when you present what you have learned to your boyfriend, be prepared to hear that what you have learned is ALL LIES from a bunch of disgruntled JWs. (That's only 1/2 true. There are a bunch of disgruntled JWs here. For a reason.)

Then get back to us.

Doc

NewChapter

Welcome Curious! I'm so very glad you found us.

This board is full of information, and if you go to the provided links, they will be helpful. So rather than repeat what you are going to read a million times, let me just say this:

This man has told you that you are not good enough for him. Unless you are willing to CHANGE YOUR RELIGION, he would not consider marrying. Unless you are wiling to completely change your way of life, your associates, your entertainment, your VIEWS AND BELIEFS, he will not marry you.

He's not asking you to change a little thing that most couples run into---like picking up your wet towels or rinsing your dishes, this guy is asking you to change your core person---or at least pretend that you have. This isn't even like a Catholic asking someone to convert---because that can be accomplished with very little upheaval in ones life. JW's are not just another religion---they will seek to control every aspect of your life, including your marriage bed and how you raise your children (not to join school activities, say pledge, celebrate bdays/holidays, and NOT to go to college, not to date etc.)

So you need to ask yourself why you would be willing to change such an important part of yourself---for someone else. This does not bode well for any relationship you may be in, but especially for one attached to such a controlling religion.

Baby's first birthday---have you imagined it? Forget it. Children opening gifts on Christmas morning, squealing and throwing their arms around your neck---is this part of your daydreams? Nope. And if you do it anyway, your children will be told they are doing something evil.

Breaking up hurts---feelings last a long time---but love is never enough.

NC

moshe

This sincere boyfriend will become your biggest nightmare. Marrying a JW is almost as bad as marrying a heroin addict. Find an ex-JW support group and educate yourself, before you throw away 5 to 10 years or more of your life.

In love with a JW...

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