You sound like a very confused young lady who doesn't have much personal conviction yet. You are in danger of being swept up by whatever comes your way that you like the sound of. You seem to be eating up apostate material, just like you were eating up the "truth". Those people who were interviewed in the video weren't doing it because they were forced. Do you really think that? They were doing it because they wanted to share their personal conviction and belief. But it seems you were never personally convinced about what your mom taught you in the first place, and so now apostate material is giving you the answers you want to hear, to make leaving easier in your mind.
You are not the only JW who has read apostate material. Those who leave do so because they want to, and not because apostate material has revealed something new about the org. It might be new to you, but if you did research you would know that it's nothing special, definitely not a reason to leave.....