Scooby
I don't normally join in these threads because I don't really have the research/debate experience and knowledge that most posters who do join in have, nor do I wish to, as that is not my agenda. My agenda, as an ex-born-and-raised-jw, is to help as many people avoid the pain and heartache I went through as a member of the WTBS, multi-billion-dollar publishing company, who continues to beg for money from its uneducated members and elderly people who think maybe they can buy their ticket to the New System (TM) with their estates.
I will say this: If you think, truly think, that they have the truth, why don't you go back? Being a JW is fulfilling for many; they believe they are God's only chosen people, they alone will survive until the new system (TM) and live with vegetarian lions and people picnicking in skirts and turbans with birds (newly vegetarian also, after picking out and eating all our apostate eyes) on their shoulders. That's a lovely picture! Who wouldn't want to be part of the chosen few? I have a really nice apartment in Manhattan, maybe you'd like to live in it when I'm dead? Please feed my cats... they are innocent.
The Jewish people also think they are God's chosen people, and if you believe the Bible, they were, for thousands of years, way before the JWs were.
OH, and the Muslims (many multi-millions more than JWs) also think they are the Chosen.
You said (paraphrase) that you failed, you can't live up to it. Or some such sentiment, I'm not quoting you and I'm too lazy to go back and see. Sorry!! My bad, but I'm so tired if I go back I probably will abandon this reply.
Therein lies the dilemma; if salvation is so difficult, so troublesome that you and BILLIONS of other people can't live up to it, is it really salvation? Have you read Ephesians 2:6-9? And please don't quote me "narrow is the path..."
Go back, if you need to. It's a lifeline to many. I know lots of people for whom the organization has been a lifesaver, from drugs or abuse or other horrors.
But to go back for a crutch, something to hang onto besides your own personal growth and education, then all I can do is wish you well, and turn my attention elsewhere.
I was a high school grad in the mid-70's, who turned down full scholarships to many universities because Armageddon was "months" away. And then, when it didn't happen, the organization said I misunderstood. Now I'm getting closer to retirement, and I don't have a pension.
Good luck, Scooby.
PM me if you like.
Hugs, PurpleV