Posts by WinstonSmith

336

The New Diary of Winston Smith

by WinstonSmith in

we had to go off grid for a time, time and half a time as we thought we had been outed.

fortunately it was a false alarm, but it was a stressful time.

i asked for my original diary thread to be deleted in case there could be anything on there to identlfy mrs smith and i. i am always very careful when posting, and am sure there was nothing on there, but felt it best to have it removed in order to be as cautious as a dove.

WinstonSmith

So where was I? Oh yes, Mum’s reply to my email to her telling her that Mrs Smith and I didn’t want to be JWs anymore. This was the moment where I would learn whether or not my dearly loved mum would ever speak to me again. As mentioned, she was away for a day trip so her reply was brief:

“Please don’t be anxious about it at all. Not upset with you at all. So relax, and I will email you when we are back.”

Words cannot communicate how I felt after getting that. I felt like another massive weight had been lifted. I care so much for mum and was so worried what her reaction would be, not because I don’t trust her, but because I know how strong the pull of the WTS is. I was so relieved.

Later on we got to have an online chat and we talked it over a bit more. Mum said a number of really cool things like “Do what you have to do, be true to yourselves” “A lot of it I agree with you” “I go along with a lot of what you said like the lack of support etc” “The sex abuse thing really bothered me.” “Hearing things from an elders perspective was interesting.”

She did want some clarification as she thought my previous email had made it sound like we were being disfellowshipped. I assured her that we were not being disfellowshipped but that at the time I sent that email we were considering if both of us should DA. I told her that we had decided that only I would so that Mrs Smith could keep in touch with a couple friends. I reminded her that nowadays the WTS directs that DA people are treated the same as DF people. She said that the OM book uses 1 John 2:19 to say prove that the treatment is to be the same. I replied and said yes, when you read that scripture isolated on its own in the middle of a paragraph that talks about DA and DF it can give that impression, but when you read the scripture in context, it says no such thing, but is rather talking about the anti-christ. She said she would “check that out” and suggested that I say something similar to the elders. I chuckled and said yeah, that’s a good way to get a one way ticket to a judicial committee!

I sent her a copy of the DA letter I have written and then we finished up with her saying that she loved us both, cared about us very much and always would. She was sorry we were so distressed but assured us that she loved us and was proud of us. She told us that the decision had to be right for us and no-one else.

A few days later (last Wednesday) she emailed and asked if we had sent the letter to the elders yet. I said that I hadn’t as we were hoping to catch up with Sister T and talk it over with her. We felt like she should hear it from us rather just hear an announcement out of the blue. Mum said that she was glad that we had made a decision and could be true to our own feelings. “Good on you. I also agree with a lot of what you say, but there are other things that make me stay, so be it. Regardless of how it affects me I am proud of you sticking up for your beliefs.” I assured her that nothing has changed in our relationship from my point of view, just some points of view.

She admitted that she had a few tears about it but I got the impression it was more to do with the physical distance between us and not being able to talk face to face. She said again that there is a lot she agrees with us on and that she would love to discuss. She sometimes gets upset with the rules and regulations and no encouragement. I said that I am always ready to talk, and that if she wanted to send me a list of questions then she was more than welcome to.

We have had a couple of on and off online chats since then, but all is well. I have so much respect and love for my mum. I cannot put in to words just how I feel. She is a special woman, and I just fricken love her so much.

336

The New Diary of Winston Smith

by WinstonSmith in

we had to go off grid for a time, time and half a time as we thought we had been outed.

fortunately it was a false alarm, but it was a stressful time.

i asked for my original diary thread to be deleted in case there could be anything on there to identlfy mrs smith and i. i am always very careful when posting, and am sure there was nothing on there, but felt it best to have it removed in order to be as cautious as a dove.

WinstonSmith

@Listener: I swear I'm not! I'm just writing it all up as I have time promise.

@Giordano: Always great to hear from you, and thanks for sharing some more of your story. The WTS has a terrible effect on famillies, and I hope to minimise this as much as possible, and escape with what I can.

@Pickler: We LOVE our new place. So conveniently located to so many things! The child abuse angle really hit a point with mum. People who have a heart can't honestly turn away from it and write it off.

@Oubliette: I will type up some more soon about how things went with mum. I don't really want to play by any JW rules, but writing a DA letter is the one and only thing I will do. Once I hit SEND, I am done with it. The rest of their rules can kiss my butt. The letter is more for me anyway. I need to have a mental line in the sand, and s ending a letter of DA, while it does mean following their BS rules, it will provide me with that line. It will also stop anyone spotting me in a crowd and coming to say "Awwww we miss you at the meetings!"

336

The New Diary of Winston Smith

by WinstonSmith in

we had to go off grid for a time, time and half a time as we thought we had been outed.

fortunately it was a false alarm, but it was a stressful time.

i asked for my original diary thread to be deleted in case there could be anything on there to identlfy mrs smith and i. i am always very careful when posting, and am sure there was nothing on there, but felt it best to have it removed in order to be as cautious as a dove.

WinstonSmith

We thought long and hard how we might break it to mum that I was going to DA. The good thing though was that long conversation we had. She was smart enough to realise that something was up, but also cool enough to let it slide until we were ready to talk about it. This is one of the many reasons I love my mum dearly. She is a sharp one, and knows how to read a situation.

The conversation we had was a good foundation to build on, so in an email, in amongst other things, I said that we had been having some stress lately that related to the things we talked about that time we were together. I just mentioned it briefly so that if she wanted to pick up on it she could, or ignore it if she wanted. I have always been careful not to be preachy, but to allow people to speak when they want to speak.

In her reply she asked what stuff was going on to cause us stress, and said that she didn’t want any surprises so just tell her what it was. She said that reading between the lines it sounded like we were leaving the congregation, but whether this was as inactive or something else she was not sure, but she would prefer to know clearly.

Well, we thought this is it, make or break time. Time to man up and put our big boy undies on. Here is my reply:

“Our conversation has played on our minds since you left. It was the first chance we had to speak honestly about how we have been feeling about life as a JW. To be honest those feelings are stronger now. We are to be frank, over it. There is just so much that we can't reconcile in our minds between what the bible says and the way that things are done in the organisation. I'm talking from a general publisher point of view and also from an elders point of view. From an organisation point of view and a doctrine point of view.

My experience as an elder and seeing how it works behind the scenes was a shock to the system, and has left me rattled for a long time. Mrs Smith’s experience with her anxiety and the total lack of interest and care from the congregation and elders (and retarded comments in the WT don't help either) has left her feeling empty and unvalued. Its quite stressful really. Its distressing enough to just write this knowing that the veneer of something we have believed and lived for most of our lives is peeling.

We are at the point now where we don't really want anything more to do with it. It is really tough because the elders and the Society come down harsh on those with doubts, even if those doubts are based on sound logic and reasoning. They are simply not interested in hearing what you have to say, they just want to know if you think the Faithful and Discreet Slave are Jesus' representatives on earth - trust me I've been there as an elder.

It is also very difficult because we also know what is expected of family and friends. Yet in our minds we can't honestly continue to call our Jehovah's Witnesses when we just don't consider ourselves to be such. What are we supposed to do, go on living a lie? Or make it clear how we feel so there is no deceit and shenanigans? Unfortunately we know that the cost of being honest can be high.

We haven't decided what we will do. All this doesn't mean we are bad people and will suddenly turn into serial killers. We are exactly the same people, we just believe something different. We still respect what our friends and family believe, everyone has the right to follow their beliefs and we will always support that. For us though, we believe something different hope that others can understand that.

We haven't done anything about this officially because we haven't decided what we will do. I'm sure we will disappoint a lot of people but surely telling the truth is better than living a lie? These are not decisions that we are making lightly. We are agonising over them.

I'm sorry if this upsets you. I know it will, but I also fervently hope that I have somehow communicated this in a way that makes sense, and that you can understand.

I don't know what else to say except that we love you guys, always have, and always will, no matter what. Please know that as far as we are concerned our love and respect for you guys has not changed one iota. We will as usual keep in touch like we always have. But we also understand if you don't feel that you can reciprocate. We are well aware of what the Society expects to be done in this situation.

I hope you can understand.”

We clicked SEND and then sat back and let out a big sigh. It was now out of our hands, and whichever way this was going to go, this is where it starts.

I love my mum so much and would hate to not have her in my life, so it was a very tense and nervous 5 hours that passed before she replied. She was away for a day trip, so the reply was brief…

336

The New Diary of Winston Smith

by WinstonSmith in

we had to go off grid for a time, time and half a time as we thought we had been outed.

fortunately it was a false alarm, but it was a stressful time.

i asked for my original diary thread to be deleted in case there could be anything on there to identlfy mrs smith and i. i am always very careful when posting, and am sure there was nothing on there, but felt it best to have it removed in order to be as cautious as a dove.

WinstonSmith

A few months passed after our big conversation with mum, and even though we kept in regular touch as we always have, the subject never came up. In the time that passed since we talked, Mrs Smith and I have drifted further and further away from the congregation. The last time we were in a Kingdom Hall was for the Memorial this year, back in March. We haven’t been out in field service for almost a year.

The sad thing is all these months passed, and we never heard anything from anyone from our local congregation. We would get a text message once a month from our Group Overseer looking for our reports, but there was never any query in to how we were, or if we were even alive. I guess you really learn who your friends are when you go through something like this. The only person that as consistently kept in touch and that we have still caught up with reasonably regularly has been Sister T, about whom I have talked on here many times. We have been able to be honest with her and she agrees with a lot of what we have talked about, even going so far as saying that she is convinced that Satan has entered the organisation and that the time will soon come when Jehovah needs to clean it out. Despite this, she remains loyal to the organisation, and to be honest, I believe that she needs it, as it gives her some sort of steadiness, or routine for her life. We once entertained hopes that we may be able to help her wake up and move on, but now doubt that. It may actually be better for her to stay in to be completely honest.

Over this period, there have been some frustrating moments. We have run in to people and they have asked where we have been, there is an elder (from another congregation) who works not far from me who waited on a corner one morning so he could tell me that he had heard that we hadn’t been to meetings, and we have been invited to the birthday party of one of the guys at work.

Each of these occasions had led to me not being completely truthful, and this kind of thing does not sit well with me. My mumma raised me to be honest, and I don’t like deceiving people.I also knew that we couldn’t keep going on like this with mum, that we could not pretend everything was normal, when in actual fact we were inactive, and don’t want anything to do with the organisation.

You might remember a while back that Mrs Smith and I had a discussion about whether or not one or both of us should disassociate ourselves. At the time we decided against it because we felt that we should not have to play by the WTS rules since there is no scriptural backing for disassociation. We wanted to just fade away and be left alone. If you look back at page 7of this thread you will see a post from me on February 9 th 2013 where I went into some detail about this.

However, even after moving situations like those mentioned above keep happening. And again, I do not like being dishonest, blaming Mrs Smith’s anxiety for our absence. While we are happy with our progress out of the cult, we are both getting more and more frustrated with wanting to just break free and be done with it. We realise that if things stay as they are, we can never be truly free of this organisation.

Mrs Smith and I have discussed this at length, and we have decided that I will disassociate myself, while she remains ‘in’ – keep in mind though that we are inactive anyway so the only reason for Mrs Smith to not DA is that she can remain in contact with a couple of people, still meet up with them for coffee, and hey, if the opportunity arises, sow some seeds of doubt.

With the decision made, we both felt like another weight had been lifted. There have been a series of weights lifted over the last couple of years: me stepping down as an elder, Mrs Smith waking up, us deciding not to go door to door anymore, and deciding not to go to any meetings any more. It is another big step away from this high control and uncaring group. What have I got to lose? Not much really, but I will have drawn a line in the sand that will make people leave us in peace.

The plan is to email my letter to the COBE, and at the same time send a personal message to all my JW friends on Facebook that contains an opening line and then a copy of the letter I sent to the COBE. This way they can all see the letter and there is none of the mysterious “I wonder what it was all about” chit chat that goes on when people just hear an announcement.

But before that happens, we need to tell mum and my sister. We also feel like we should tell Sister T.

Back in those comments I made back when we were thinking of DAing I said this:

“As we see it, the hardest part is going to be breaking the news to my Mum, my sister, and Sister T. My Mum and I have always had a good and open relationship and I honestly think that if I take the time to explain to her my reasons she would be okay with it…Of course we are not so naive as to think that the cult shutters might slam down too. Mum is a very reasonable and logical person and I have mentioned in emails to her that some recent decisions and actions by the organisation and elders have left me 'uncomfortable' (I referred to but did not specifically mention the child abuse policies). My sister as you know has recently had some awful experiences with her local elders. Who knows, maybe me taking this step will help her grow the balls she needs to stand up to them and her prick of a husband and begin to lead her own life. Sister T has said on more than one occasion that "she doesn't know what she would do without us" and "the only reason I'm in the truth is because of you" By having just me disassociate, Mrs Smith can remain in contact and ease the blow while also continuing to help Sister T (and maybe others) wake up.”

Our big long conversation with mum about how we feel about the organisation has happened since I wrote the above comment. The chat that we had and mum’s reaction to it gave us some hope that we may be able to explain to her that I was going to DA, and that she might be okay with it.

So this was our next challenge. Explaining to mum that things had progressed to the point where we both did not want anything to do with the JWs anymore, and what we had planned to do about it.

336

The New Diary of Winston Smith

by WinstonSmith in

we had to go off grid for a time, time and half a time as we thought we had been outed.

fortunately it was a false alarm, but it was a stressful time.

i asked for my original diary thread to be deleted in case there could be anything on there to identlfy mrs smith and i. i am always very careful when posting, and am sure there was nothing on there, but felt it best to have it removed in order to be as cautious as a dove.

WinstonSmith

Hello Giordano, I appreciate your comments! I think too that just coming out and saying these things may not always be the best course. It pays to lay some groudwork first to ease people into the idea of what you are saying.

336

The New Diary of Winston Smith

by WinstonSmith in

we had to go off grid for a time, time and half a time as we thought we had been outed.

fortunately it was a false alarm, but it was a stressful time.

i asked for my original diary thread to be deleted in case there could be anything on there to identlfy mrs smith and i. i am always very careful when posting, and am sure there was nothing on there, but felt it best to have it removed in order to be as cautious as a dove.

WinstonSmith

So, having just finished talking in a general sense about how sexual abuse is handled in the organisation, and giving the specific example of Candace Conti, I decided to make it even more real for mum, and bring it close to home. I also began to explain more about how all this had made me feel.

I started by telling her that in my city, there are no less than four elders currently in prison or before the courts for child sexual abuse, and that there is a government enquiry in to sex abuse in churches in Australia and that JWs were part of the investigation. Mum says “So how does this make you feel?” I had to be honest so I said “As a result of my experiences, the Conti case, and now these cases in Australia, I no longer believe that elders are appointed by holy spirit.”

Here again, I thought that this might be the moment where she throws me off the nearest bridge. But the interesting thing was that due to the line of reasoning I had been using up this point, and the unaccusing way I was speaking, she was actually all ears and the cult shields were not in their automatic upright position. She was genuinely interested and I could see that what we had been talking about had made sense to her. If I had just come out and said “blah blah blah child abuse, blah blah blah Conti, blah blah blah no holy spirit she would have burst into tears over losing her baby to the dark side. Mum is very smart and since she could see that I was relaying all this in a calm but confident way, I think she realised it was not a knee jerk reaction, but something we had thought long and hard about.

One of the things I had said earlier in the conversation was that the constant use of the Shepherd book was not fair to the sheep. The elders have the rule book, and only tell you when you mess up. Continuing this thought I said “Let me tell you something else that is not known to the general populace of the congregation, and the reason why I can’t believe that elders are appointed by holy spirit.”

“Each of the four elders that are currently in prison or before the courts for sex abuse committed these acts before they were appointed as elders. Note carefully that this happened BEFORE they were appointed. Yes they raped kids some time before they were appointed by holy spirit as elders in the congregation.”

I gave mum some background on how things happen when the CO comes. How before he comes the elders get together and discuss all the brothers in the congregation. Those that are publishers who might be ready to step up to MS are named and discussed. Likewise, MSs who might be ready to step up to being an elder are named and discussed. Those that the body agree on have their names put forward to the CO and are discussed with him at the Friday night meeting. The CO asks questions about them, the elders make their recommendations, and the CO notes it down. At the end of the visit, the CO gives the elders a visit report which notes all sorts of things including that the recommendations have been sent to the Society. A couple of weeks later the body of elders get a letter from the Branch saying thanks for your recommendation, we are pleased to advise that Brother X has been appointed as a MS and Brother Y as an elder. At the very next midweek meeting, before the meeting starts, two elders pull the recommended one into the back room and say hey bro, the Society agreed with our recommendation to appoint you as an elder. But before we do that we have to ask you a couple of questions. Question one: Is there anything from your past that might prevent you from being appointed as an elder? Question two: Are you currently, or have you ever been involved in the sexual abuse of children?

“So here is my point” I said to mum, “For these four elders one of two things must have happened. Either they answered ‘yes’ to question two (in other words they confirm that they have been involved in sex abuse in the past) and the elders let the appointment go ahead anyway. Or they lied by answering ‘no’ and....” Mum finished for me “And the holy spirit allowed them to get appointed despite a history of child sex abuse.” She got my point.

“If the holy spirit had anything to do with this, there is no way that this these guys would ever be considered for being an elder. The holy spirit would have seen to it that they were low hour publishers, or put some other block in the way of him ever even being considered.” Mum said she saw my point and understood my reasoning on the matter.

Mum asked again “So how does this make you feel?” but wanting her to come to her own conclusion and not state anything outright, I said “how would YOU feel?” She replied “I would be very uncomfortable with everything that I had seen and experienced.”

Her next question was “So knowing this, how can you go witnessing?” but again, wanting her to come to her own conclusion I said “What would YOU do?” Her reply was “Well I would feel I would still have to preach as this is in the scriptures.” The preaching thing, and the lack of evidence for it in the scriptures is a whole ‘nother can of worms that I didn’t want to get into at that time. So I just said what we had done when we first started waking up, that when we go out we just use the bible, and use scriptures that have meaning for us like Revelation 21:3, 4.

She said she understood and then asked “So how can you stand to sit at the meetings listening to what is being said?” Again I asked her how it would make HER feel. “Well I would go along because the scriptures say to, but I would be sitting there bored and miserable.” I just looked at her, shrugged my shoulders and said “Yup, that’s pretty much it.” At that point in time we were still going to the meetings.

Mum asked if I had talked to anyone about my questions. I replied by saying that having served as an elder there is no way that I would ever ask anyone about my questions. The elders will try and reason with you to bring you back in to alignment, but if you stand firm, the next thing you will get is a registered post letter inviting you to a judicial committee.

And that was where we left it. For the rest of the time that we were together it never came up again. She acted exactly the same toward us as she always has. In the ensuing months, it never came up, and we never raised it or pushed it. We thought the best thing was to be there and ready to answer any question when she felt the time was right.

But wait, there’s more...

336

The New Diary of Winston Smith

by WinstonSmith in

we had to go off grid for a time, time and half a time as we thought we had been outed.

fortunately it was a false alarm, but it was a stressful time.

i asked for my original diary thread to be deleted in case there could be anything on there to identlfy mrs smith and i. i am always very careful when posting, and am sure there was nothing on there, but felt it best to have it removed in order to be as cautious as a dove.

WinstonSmith

Thanks for the bump Ray, and thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read through. It is quite long winded, but necessary so you can see just how it has all played out. I hope too, that someone might be able to pick up on the reasoning and use it their own conversation with a loved one.

There's more to come. I've shared about two thirds of the conversation so far, and since then, there have been a couple more. And then I have to cover Sister T.

Oubliette, as usual you are bang on with you observations. The utter stupidity of the rules is mind boggling now that we can view them from an outside vantage point. You make a great point about the assumption of sex when a JW stays with another JW of the opposite sex. I wish I had thought of that when I was talking with mum. As it is stated in black and white in the Shepherd book, I'm sure it would have made an impact.

May you all have a fabulous day. I'll write some more tonight :-)

336

The New Diary of Winston Smith

by WinstonSmith in

we had to go off grid for a time, time and half a time as we thought we had been outed.

fortunately it was a false alarm, but it was a stressful time.

i asked for my original diary thread to be deleted in case there could be anything on there to identlfy mrs smith and i. i am always very careful when posting, and am sure there was nothing on there, but felt it best to have it removed in order to be as cautious as a dove.

WinstonSmith

So by this point in the conversation, I’m thinking that at any moment mum is going to leap up and throw herself under the nearest bus, or perhaps, throw ME under the nearest bus. But no, this did not happen. She said “You know somehow I knew you were going to say that it was the two witness thing, because Sister J (a very good family friend) had this thrown at her once before.”

My turn to be intrigued.

I asked her to explain. “Well before she was going to be married to Brother J, the elders asked her if she was scripturally free to marry. Sister J was shocked as it is well known that her previous husband from before she was a JW has since been married another two times (and divorced another two times). The elders asked Sister J if her ex had any kids with any of his other wives. When she replied ‘No’ the elder said ‘So there is no proof that he has had sex with either of them making you scripturally free to marry. Are there witnesses to them having sex?”

My turn for my jaw to hit the ground.

Sister J (always one to tell it like it is) says to the elder “Are you telling me that since my ex husband doesn’t have any kids that I might not be scripturally free to get married? Are you seriously suggesting that this man and his wives have never had sex?” The reply from the elder was “Well, there is no proof.” So of course Sister J and her about-to-be husband were gobsmacked, and were now thinking that maybe the brothers wouldn’t let them get married. So Sister J felt she had to write a letter to her ex husband and ask him if he had sex with either of his wives!

Mum went on to explain that the ex husband never replied so Sister J went back to the elder and said that she had contacted him and asked him, but had not received a reply so they were not sure what to do. The elder replied “Why did you do that? You didn’t have to do that.”

I kid you not. You cannot make this stuff up. I was shocked. I have seen some things when I was serving as an elder, but this kind of thing is just prying too far! And then for the elder to just fob it off? Man if I was Sister J, my foot would be setting up camp in his groin area.

So with that said, I said to mum that the more I read the scriptures on their own, the more I realise that it is up to us as individuals to render our account to Jehovah. Not for some congregational police force to investigate and pass judgement on. I pointed out that whenever the word ‘elder’ was used in the scriptures it had a small e at the front indicating that it was a level of maturity, not a rank. She agreed, again we are aware of these things as JWs, but it never occurs for us to question why they are used against us. The scriptures are blurred out by the rules and regulations.

The WTS preys on the vulnerable. Think about who makes up a large part of the numbers in a congregation. Single mums, poor people, and uneducated middle class. Easy prey. The others who might have full families in are generally second or third generation and are well set up financially. And of course these are often the ones who are the elders and wield control over the sheep.

Anyway, I digress! So after she had related the story of Sister J, and explaining that she is cognisant of the stupidity of the two witness rule, I said that after I stepped down I thought that maybe I had been too harsh, too critical, too quick to judge (I didn’t really think that, but I was segueing into what I wanted to say to her next). “But then” I said, “I heard about a sexual abuse case in America about a young lady called Candace Conti. Up until her case the WTS had managed to settle abuse claims out of court, but this lady took them on, and won. She got awarded $21,000,000. Do you know why the WTS lost the case Mum?” She didn’t of course so I explained “Because the first time the guy touched a girl, he denied it and because there weren’t two witnesses to it, he just lost his privileges. He then moved and some years later committed the sexual abuse against Candace Conti.”

Mum had a :-/ kind of look on her face. She knew I was not making this up. I said “After hearing this I felt like I had made the right decision to step down. The exact reason I chose to step down is the exact reason the WTS lost the case.” Mum gave a really honest reply: “That is awful. This is what happens when people start using a guidebook to tell them what to do instead of the scriptures or just plain common sense.” I asked “What would Jesus have done? Would he have asked the little girl if anyone else had seen the bad man touch her?” “No” she replied, “He would have picked up that little girl, held her in his arms and told her everything was gonna be okay.”

So you can imagine, at this point, my mind is going a million miles an hour. Here I am having a well reasoned ‘normal’ conversation with mum. My fear all along was that when the time came to share with her how I was really feeling she would turn on her heel and run for the hills. But no, here she was looking like a truck had run over her as she worked through the logic in her head. I was trying hard to not say anything that would be considered ‘apostate’ but rather show her the stupidity of the WTS rules and procedures, to use questioning and reasoning to help her draw her own conclusions.

And then we went deeper...

336

The New Diary of Winston Smith

by WinstonSmith in

we had to go off grid for a time, time and half a time as we thought we had been outed.

fortunately it was a false alarm, but it was a stressful time.

i asked for my original diary thread to be deleted in case there could be anything on there to identlfy mrs smith and i. i am always very careful when posting, and am sure there was nothing on there, but felt it best to have it removed in order to be as cautious as a dove.

WinstonSmith

Oubliette, Listener, thank you for bearing with me as I share it. For all her faults, my sister is a smart woman I love the heck out of her, no matter what. As you will see, I think I may have another opportunity to 'check in' with her about her feelings. But you will have to wait until I get to that part of the story...

Alrighty, so I mentioned earlier what the current situation is with my sister. Here is a rundown of the recent events with mum.

A few months ago Mrs Smith and I had the opportunity to catch up with mum. While we were chatting mum said that a couple of things I had said about the elders had her worried. She asked what in particular had annoyed me. I thought perhaps now is the time to start laying it all out for mum, and begin to get her used to the idea that we may not be around JWs in the future.

So I gave her a few examples from here in Australia and from back in New Zealand where the secret elder’s book and procedure have taken precedent over the scriptures and Christian love. Each example I gave was real, and based on something I had witnessed firsthand. After hearing these, she agreed that we were right to be annoyed and upset. The good thing is, this was around the time all the crap went down with my sister and brother in law, and during that episode, mum had seen on several occasions that the elder’s book was referred to for instructions rather than the scriptures. When the elder’s were talking about whether or not they could keep their privileges, of course since ‘pioneering’ and ‘privileges’ are mentioned nowhere in the bible, they had to use the Shepherd book.

I wondered out loud to mum “I wonder what scripture they based their decision on” knowing full well that there ain’t one. There is no scripture saying that pioneering is a thing. There is no scripture saying that privileges are a thing. There is no scripture saying that the removal of privileges can be used as a form of punishment. She of course agreed that the scriptures don’t mention these things. It strikes me as odd that when we are a JW, we know these things aren’t in the scriptures, yet we never think about how these things are used to goad people.

As we talked more, I said to her that one of the reasons I stepped down as an elder was because of one thing in the Shepherd book that I never ever wanted to be a party to. You could see from her face that she was thinking “What could possibly be so bad, bad enough to make you want to remove yourself from being an elder?”

So I told her.

Well, I didn’t exactly tell her, I used some questions to draw her out so I could concrete this in her mind, and see and gauge her reaction at each step of the way. I started with “If you were an elder and a little girl came up to you and said ‘Brother X touched me’ what would you do?” She replied that she would talk with the girl and with her parents and learn more. I asked “Would you call the police?” She said she would talk to Brother X and get his side of things.

Then I asked “So if Brother X admits that he did touch her, what would you do?” She said “Well, we would need to ensure that he never gets the chance to be alone with kids ever again.” Interesting answer I thought, so I continued “Would you tell the police?” To this she said that she was not sure, so I rephrased the question: “Would you call the police and report this crime?”

Her reply to this was that she was not sure what she would do and that she would hate to be in that situation. I agreed that it would be an awful position to be in. Next I asked “So what if, when you talked to Brother X and if you met with him and the elders he denied that he had touched the little girl. What would you do?”

I said “You don’t have to answer that, I’ll tell you what the elder’s book says on this matter.” I said “Can you guess what the first course of action is? The very first thing in the very first paragraph after mentioning this scenario?” She shook her head so I answered “It says, not to call the police, but says that you have to call the branch, and they will advise you what to do. And do you know what they advise you to do if you are in a state that has mandatory reporting of child abuse? They advise you to go to a telephone box and call the police, then give them the information anonymously.”

Now of course, the phone box thing is not in the Shepherd book, I shared this with mum based on what I have read from many experiences posted on JWN and elsewhere. Mum’s response was “Well, that’s weird. I guess this is so at least it is reported, and it does not bring reproach on Jehovah’s name.” All I could say back was “This has nothing to do with protecting Jehovah’s name, the reputation of the congregation, or most importantly, the kid. This is entirely to protect the society legally.”

At this point she was sitting there with a wide mouthed :-O look on her face, so I used the lull in the conversation to explain and show to her what the Shepherd book goes on to advise. “The book says that after speaking with the little one you should talk to the accused. If they confess, they get punished by losing their privileges. If they deny it, the elders have to meet with the accuser and the accused (yes, together in the same room) and ask again what happened. If the accused still denies it, mum do you know what the book says should be done?”

She just shook her head and I continued “It says that as there were not two witnesses to the incident, wrongdoing can’t be established. A note should be made in the congregation file, and the matter should be left up to Jehovah.” I got goosebumps as I related this because this completely creeps me out. I said to mum that even saying that gave me goosebumps and all she said was “That is so wrong! What about that little girl? Kids don’t just make this stuff up!” Poor mum, she looked like she had been punched in the chest.

“This,” I said “Is my issue. I could not in good conscience put myself in a position to have to follow that procedure, because it is just plain rubbish. We are not talking about a ‘sin’ here (two witnesses required) we are talking about a crime.” It was clear that I had made an impact.

And then it got more interesting....

336

The New Diary of Winston Smith

by WinstonSmith in

we had to go off grid for a time, time and half a time as we thought we had been outed.

fortunately it was a false alarm, but it was a stressful time.

i asked for my original diary thread to be deleted in case there could be anything on there to identlfy mrs smith and i. i am always very careful when posting, and am sure there was nothing on there, but felt it best to have it removed in order to be as cautious as a dove.

WinstonSmith

Well, let's start with my sister. You might remember a while back I started this thread: http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/members/private/242866/1/Some-assistance-and-suggestions-please-Email-with-my-sister about an email / chat exchange I had with her. The email exchange ended with her asking :

“Can I ask if you don’t mind, and don’t feel you have to answer me, do you think that Jehovah ’ s Witnesses have the truth?”

Included in that thread is a copy of the email that I had planned to send in reply to that question. It was quite long winded, but hit on the key points, and was written in such a way that I thought I might be able to get her to open up. In the end I sent a much shorter message (see page two of the thread above) as she had some friends come and stay. I thought that if she had been at a low point when all that shite was going down, maybe having friends around would put her in a frame of mind that was less receptive to opening up. Looking back now, I think it was a wise decision.

Quite a while passed, and I got no reply, despite leaving it open for her to safely answer. When she did finally get in touch, she never mentioned what we talked about, and has not since. She and her husband have now separated and are living in different parts of the city and attending different congregations – but that’s a whole ‘nother story.

So that is where things are at with my sister. We almost went ‘there’ but nothing has been said about it for a long time.

Next, mum - and this is where things get interesting...