Posts by WinstonSmith

i asked for my original diary thread to be deleted in case there could be anything on there to identlfy mrs smith and i. i am always very careful when posting, and am sure there was nothing on there, but felt it best to have it removed in order to be as cautious as a dove.

WinstonSmith

November 15, 2005, Watchtower, paragraph 16:

God also fulfilled this promise: “I shall certainly conclude a covenant in that day in connection with the wild beast of the field and with the flying creature of the heavens and the creeping thing of the ground, and the bow and the sword and war I shall break out of the land, and I will make them lie down in security.” (Hosea 2:18) The Jewish remnant who returned to their homeland lived in security, with nothing to fear from animals. This prophecy also had a fulfillment in 1919 C.E., when the remnant of spiritual Israel was freed from “Babylon the Great,” the world empire of false religion. They now dwell in security and enjoy life in a spiritual paradise with their companions, who hope to live forever on earth. Animalistic traits do not exist among these true Christians.

Notice this? "Animalistic traits do not exist among these true Christians"

**Winston laughs out loud**

1

Jennifer LoveGrove: On Jehovahs Witnesses and writing

by WinstonSmith in

http://arts.nationalpost.com/2013/10/08/jennifer-lovegrove-on-jehovahs-witnesses-and-writing/.

jennifer lovegrove is the author of two poetry collections, the dagger between her teeth and i should never have fired the sentinel.

and remember, you werent allowed to have meaningful contact outside of your community before then, so youre left with no one.. is watch how we walk autobiographical?

WinstonSmith

http://arts.nationalpost.com/2013/10/08/jennifer-lovegrove-on-jehovahs-witnesses-and-writing/

Jennifer LoveGrove is the author of two poetry collections, The Dagger Between Her Teeth and I Should Never Have Fired the Sentinel. Her debut novel, Watch How We Walk, was recently published by ECW Press. LoveGrove, who divides her time between Toronto and Haliburton, will be guest editing The Afterword all this week.

I grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness. Not a lot of people know this about me. I’ve now been an atheist longer than I was a Jehovah’s Witness, and once I reached my thirties, my unusual, isolated upbringing seemed distant enough to examine and write about. Since doing so, I’ve encountered a lot of misconceptions, myths, and curiosities about this insular sect of Christianity, about this religion’s effect on my evolution as a writer, and about the circumstances of my own presumed loss of faith. Since most “worldy” people (non-Jehovah’s Witnesses) are reluctant to ask JWs about their beliefs directly because they assume – rightfully so – that it puts them at risk for a conversion effort, I will answer some of these FAQs for you. My answers will be solely through the skewed lens of my childhood and unreliable memory; they are not to be taken as well-researched and carefully cited sociological facts.

Jehovah’s Witnesses believe that the end of the world is approaching, right? And that they’re the only ones who will go to heaven?

Not quite. Armageddon is indeed a driving force in the doctrine, and has always been characterized as imminent in this relatively young religion. God (Jehovah) is gearing up to unleash destruction upon the world at any moment, sparing the lives of the faithful (JWs) and resurrecting deserving dead JWs. These faithful would then live forever in paradise on earth, free of disease, war, and worldly people. They do not believe, as other Christians do, that the pious will ascend to heaven after death (with the exception of 144,000 specially-chosen, primarily male JWs). The catch however, is that the surviving benefactors of eternal life actually have to spend hundreds of years cleaning up the post-Armageddon planet and converting it into paradise themselves, which always struck me as a) really hard and b) a pretty significant loophole in the whole deal.

So it’s a doomsday cult, then?

Jehovah’s Witnesses discourage association outside of their membership. A significant amount of time is devoted to attending meetings and actively ministering to non-JWs. Dissent and questioning beliefs is forbidden and punished with ostracism. Elders counsel members on dating, relationships, jobs, money and similarly private matters. Persecution is assumed, and an us-versus-them attitude pervades. Elders and overseers are not accountable outside of the Watchtower Society (watch the CBC W5 episode on JW sexual abuse as an example). Monetary donations are expected. Education and commitment to career is discouraged. Conversion efforts are central. Inside the organization, they refer to their religion as “The Truth.” I could go on; most ex-JWs I know have consulted any number of “cult checklists” and can check most off most characteristics.

What’s the deal with you knocking on our doors on Saturday mornings? When I was a kid, my parents made me turn the TV off and be quiet until you went away.

We were there to tell you about everlasting life in paradise on earth, and offer you the chance to survive Armageddon. If there was a kid with the adults at the door, that kid had rehearsed his speech for hours the night before, and was probably so nervous she puked up her Cheerios on the sidewalk. If you pretended you weren’t home, thank you. Even though the moving curtains, the hastily shushed thuds that less-than-subtly emanated from your open windows gave you away, I was grateful. And sorry you missed the climax of Super Friends or whatever.

Why didn’t you celebrate Christmas or birthdays? How did it make you feel to not be able to celebrate these holidays?

Many people believe that Jehovah’s Witnesses are forbidden from celebrating Christmas because it is a distraction from worshipping God, that it would detract from His honour, which is not entirely inaccurate. Birthday celebrations were perceived as a form of idolatry, akin to worshipping a human rather than God, and Christmas is basically a big old birthday bash for Jesus, so no Christmas either. Not only that, but the current version of Christmas is rooted in the pagan celebration of Saturnalia, and anything pagan was definitely forbidden.

I didn’t grow up with birthday parties and Christmas trees as a regular part of my life, so I didn’t really feel like I was missing out. From a material perspective, I didn’t feel deprived in January when other kids came back to school with new clothes and toys because I had a worldly grandmother who spoiled us and made sure we got turkey and presents.

More awkward was all the Christmas-themed school activities leading up to the holidays. I would have to remind my teachers that I wasn’t allowed to draw the Christmas tree or sing carols and my face would redden and some teachers would get exasperated. This conflict – pleasing your parents and not pissing off God, versus pleasing your teacher and fitting in with classmates – creates a lot of pressure that kids internalize. A kindergarten teacher recently told me that one of her students, a Jehovah’s Witness, was terrified to break the rules of her faith and was very stressed. She would slap her hands over her ears if anyone mentioned Christmas or Halloween, and she wouldn’t go near a treat that someone had brought in for a birthday. She was four years old.

What do JWs get out of this religion? What’s the incentive?

The goal is to get through The Great Tribulation and Armageddon, and then achieve everlasting life in paradise on earth. That’s the reward, on an abstract level. On a more tangible level, the incentive for obedience is avoiding ostracism. If you’re “disfellowshipped,” you can have no contact whatsoever with your community, and this includes your family. They must shun you. And remember, you weren’t allowed to have meaningful contact outside of your community before then, so you’re left with no one.

Is Watch How We Walk autobiographical? Why didn’t you just write a memoir?

Watch How We Walk is not autobiographical, though I get why you’d think so. Truth is, my own story is boring. I’m sure no one would publish it. There was very little tension or resonant conflict in my departure from the religion. Neither the story nor the characters in Watch How We Walk are autobiographical, but the context, the setting – the stylized language used by Jehovah’s Witnesses, the lifestyle – is familiar to me.

As for questions of autobiography in fiction, what matters is whether a text works, if the world of the book is convincing. A writer can base fiction on “a true story” but that in itself doesn’t make it any more believable or captivate the reader more fully. The “truth” or successfulness of the text is in the writing, not whether or not it “really happened.”

But questions around autobiographical fiction are interesting. There’s an implied hierarchy of creativity in that line of interrogation, like a narrative that is entirely imagined is somehow inherently “better” than a text that attempts to transform a lived experience. Does it matter? It does to many writers. It matters to me, but I don’t trust that, so I’m ambivalent.

As for memoir, it’s a genre that rarely interests me. I prefer well-written fiction to poorly structured or weakly written memoir, and much of it is rushed in order to be topical and current, and rushed writing and editing leads to weak books. Excellent writing interests me; “the truth” is less relevant to me. Real truths come more from fiction and from poetry than from anyone professing a “true story.”

Why did you stop being a Jehovah’s Witness? How did you lose your religion?

I was 14. My parents’ marriage was in the latter stages of slow dissolution. After a gradual decline in attendance, my mom stopped attending meetings. My father – a keener, a Ministerial Servant who strived, unsuccessfully, to become an elder – kept going. I didn’t get along particularly well with either one of them at the time, so I felt no allegiance either way. The deciding factor, as influences many teenagers, was my best friend. She was still a Jehovah’s Witness, and if I left, we couldn’t be friends anymore. So I stayed, sitting with her family during the meetings as often as possible. Then we had a falling out. I don’t remember the details anymore, but it ended the friendship. And as such, it unceremoniously ended my piousness. If I didn’t have her anymore, what incentive did I have to attend three meetings a week? Who would I pass notes and giggle with? Who would I chase boys with at the summer conventions at Copps Coliseum?

I wasn’t baptized, so leaving was relatively easy. For many, the loss of faith is much more profound. Informed, bold questioning of doctrine was construed as apostasy and while brave, led to rigid ostracism. My departure was nothing; there wasn’t much at stake. I felt relief, and some exhilaration at having made a choice for myself, and my integration into worldly teenage life was as awkward and messy as for most, but not much more so.

But what if you’re an adult, maybe 40-years-old, and disfellowshipped for some serious transgression, like smoking, or sex with someone you aren’t married to? Suddenly you’re cut off from your family, your friends, your community – no one you’re close to is allowed to speak to you. You have no career, no education beyond high school, and no other friends outside the congregation. But you have doubts, you know this religion doesn’t stand up to vigorous (or even flimsy) analysis. Yet you leave, and enter the terrifying world you’ve been isolated from. These are the truly brave ex-JWs: strong and smart and traumatized, people who risked everything, and lost, and still held on to their belief in their own critical thinking, their own independence.

I was a kid who had her feelings hurt and so excised her best friend. The loss of religion was just collateral damage.

Did you have to avoid the national anthem in school? Stand out in the hallway during morning announcements, segregated from the other students?

Yes, from grade one through nine. With each September, it never felt less awkward. In primary school, there was the national anthem (sung, not recorded), followed by the Lord’s Prayer, and then a bible reading. I hovered patiently in the hallway until they were finished and the teacher opened the door to let me back in. Sometimes they forgot about me, which was awkward.

The teachers I remember with the most fondness are the ones who had some empathy and tried to make this experience a little smoother. One teacher, when I was about eleven, let me wait in the art supply room across the hall so as to be less conspicuous. He didn’t want me to be idle though, so he tasked me with sorting and tidying the art materials. He was obsessed with legal-sized paper in dozens of colours, and for much of the year, my job was to sort out the damaged sheets from the perfect ones. I hid all the slightly torn or bent pages in a drawer and used my morning half hour in the supply room (for an atheist, he took way longer for Bible story than the other teachers) to secretly write stories and plays.

How did you cope with the restrictions? Did you like the feeling of being different, or hate it?

I often felt awkward or embarrassed. Terms like “insular” and “weird” and “other” are often used to describe JWs even now, and while I grew to value being perceived as different in my teens, I may have been more proud when I was a kid if I felt I had a choice.

A high school English teacher relayed how his JW student requested that she read something other than Macbeth because the witch content was against her religion. He wondered if she wished she could read it, was it a sacrifice on her part, or was she proud to denounce it? It’s impossible to answer. I don’t know what I would have done. I’m grateful that I was free to read all the Shakespeare I wanted by high school. Even in my JW days, my parents never tried to keep me from reading worldly books, as long as I stopped sneaking them into meetings and reading them between the pages of myWatchtower magazines.

How has being an ex-JW helped you as a writer?

First, it equipped me with a built-in persecution complex. Adversity is assumed, and thereby met with stoicism. I grew up clutching a dowdy handbag full of Watchtowers, getting doors slammed in my face – an experience particularly useful for a future as a poet. Similarly, I grew accustomed to being perceived as an inconvenient outsider at a young age. This is useful for artists of all kinds.

I read a lot, both for the religion and because I liked to, so like many writers’ childhoods, my life consisted largely of escaping into imagined worlds full of imagery and drama. The elders actively quashed any sign of critical thinking, so when this combined with my intrinsic distrust of authority, I rebelled by having existential dilemmas. An insular, isolationist, gossipy community is also pretty fertile ground for growing writers, so that probably didn’t hurt either.

Did all of this help me become a writer? I’ll never know. But when you’re expected to get up before a room full of adults with a microphone in your hand and talk about the bible at age ten or twelve, it can’t help but prepare you for your first open mic reading in front of the literary community. At least the latter includes the option of downing a beer first.

336

The New Diary of Winston Smith

by WinstonSmith in

we had to go off grid for a time, time and half a time as we thought we had been outed.

fortunately it was a false alarm, but it was a stressful time.

i asked for my original diary thread to be deleted in case there could be anything on there to identlfy mrs smith and i. i am always very careful when posting, and am sure there was nothing on there, but felt it best to have it removed in order to be as cautious as a dove.

WinstonSmith

Hello everyone,

Thanks so much for your kind comments. It came as a bit of a surprise, but also didn't if you get what I mean. I haven't replied yet, am thinking over what I will say. I want to make it clear that her decision is not based on the bible. I also want to make it clear that it is her decision to cut me off, not the other way round.

Whatever and however it turns out I will still keep in touch with an email here and there, a text message now and then. No-one will ever be able to say it was me that walked away from my family. I know it is probably a lose-lose situation, but I have to say what I feel I have to say so that I know in my heart that I did the best I could.

Hope you all had a lovely day :-)

Thanks again.

WS

336

The New Diary of Winston Smith

by WinstonSmith in

we had to go off grid for a time, time and half a time as we thought we had been outed.

fortunately it was a false alarm, but it was a stressful time.

i asked for my original diary thread to be deleted in case there could be anything on there to identlfy mrs smith and i. i am always very careful when posting, and am sure there was nothing on there, but felt it best to have it removed in order to be as cautious as a dove.

WinstonSmith

Hello everyone,

Thank you for your comments and ongoing interest in how things have been going with Mrs Smith and I. Sorry for the lack of updates recently, it has been a rather hectic month. Unfortunately I was laid off from my job, but thankfully, within a week I was back working, this time at a better job, with better people, better location, and better pay. If I was still a JW I would no doubt be thanking Jehovah for looking after me.

Sadly, even though things have been going great with the new job, I had noticed that some of my text messages to my mum were going unanswered, or at best I was getting one or two word replies back. The cloud darkened when Mrs Smith told me that in an online chat with mum she had said that she was thinking long and hard about whether "I should obey Jehovah or...." she never articulated what the "or..." meant, but I think we all know.

In fact we do know.

I got this last night:

My very dear Winston and Mrs Smith

I have done an awful lot of thinking, research, spoken to an ex elder, asked him heaps of questions, prayed, cried, worried, got angry, and a million other emotions have flooded through me since your decision. I wish I had been able to discuss it further with you but then it was too late. I am glad you stuck up for your own beliefs and were true to yourselves but how I wish you had just let it all ride and become inactive. However I realise that to live with yourself you had to do what you felt was best for you. So now we both live with the consequences of your decision.

Thank you for sharing all that you were able to as it made it "easier" for me to see where you were coming from. For me, this is the truth, despite the imperfections of humans. Many things I feel upset about at times but it comes down to the fact that there are many many other things I do agree with in the Bible and within the organisation. We are in the last days and I am content to wait on Jehovah to sort things out in his time.

So with heavy heart I am going to have to do what you did not want and discontinue contact. It breaks my heart in little pieces to do it but like you, I have to be true to my own beliefs. And my conscience and loyalty to Jehovah bothers me to do otherwise.

Having Mrs Smith stay inactive so as to keep contact seems hypocritical to me, knowing that she feels the same as you, so knowing that, having contact with her seems wrong to me.

This is so hard to write so forgive me if I have not explained things as well as I would like. Have no doubt whatsoever that I love you both and never dreamed I would have to face this situation. I am always here in case you ever need me in an emergency.

I love you my boy Mum xxxxxx

While I must be honest and say I am not totally surprised, I nonetheless gutted.

Foxtrot

Uniform

Charlie

Kilo

9

Rockville Jehovahs Witnesses at Odds With Neighbors Over Expansion

by WinstonSmith in

video ---> http://bcove.me/ngpt1k0f.

rockville, md.

(wjla) - a rockville church is at odds with its neighbors.

WinstonSmith

That comment by the architect at the end was so full of irony. "We preach love" yeah, but when you decide that the JW life is not for you, we'll cut you out like cancer.

9

Rockville Jehovahs Witnesses at Odds With Neighbors Over Expansion

by WinstonSmith in

video ---> http://bcove.me/ngpt1k0f.

rockville, md.

(wjla) - a rockville church is at odds with its neighbors.

WinstonSmith

Video ---> http://bcove.me/ngpt1k0f

ROCKVILLE, Md. (WJLA) - A Rockville church is at odds with its neighbors. The dispute centers on a project to expand the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witness along Great Falls Road near Maryland Avenue.

The controversy lies within a 1920’s home, which the church bought five years ago. The congregation wants to add a worship hall onto the structure to lessen the burden on its main facility next door. But some residents would rather preserve the property.

Historians say the modest two-story house was owned by freed slaves during the 1880's.

“So this is a very important property and area to preserve and we want to get more history documented as we go forward,” says Jim Coyle, president of the Rose Hill Falls Homeowner's Association.

But the Kingdom Hall, which owns the land, wants to build a 135-seat worship hall onto the back of the house.

Church elder Rod Escobar says his parish bought the home in 2008 after it sat abandoned for two years.

“It was in ill repair,” he says. “It needed a lot of work. It was full of rodents, overgrown, no one could see the house.”

The church poured $40,000 into renovations and collected $500,000 for construction.

“We knew it was going to be an effort, but not like this, not five years.”

“It looks like an appendage that doesn’t belong,” says Marsha Douma.

Douma is against the addition, requesting Rockville add the house to its historic registry.

“We will no longer have a house that can function as a reminder of the historic value and history of our community," Douma says.

“We want to have good relations with our neighbors. You know, we don’t want to fight with them because that’s not what we preach. We preach love, like Jesus did," says Jackson Jimenez.

The Rockville City Council is accepting public input through Monday with a final vote expected by Oct. 14.

20

This WT book allows one raised as a JW to do a critical review of the religion and elders can't go against it.

by EndofMysteries in

i love this gem, it was taken off the jw.org website, it seems only material after 1990 is up now, but it's here, http://www.scribd.com/doc/5472988/the-time-for-true-submission-to-god .

page 6, "the need to search for the truth".

says this....and i couldn't agree with it more!

WinstonSmith

Great post! They hate it when you use their own words against them. It means they can't give a smug and arrogant answer but have to fluff and fumble with their cognitive dissonance.

336

The New Diary of Winston Smith

by WinstonSmith in

we had to go off grid for a time, time and half a time as we thought we had been outed.

fortunately it was a false alarm, but it was a stressful time.

i asked for my original diary thread to be deleted in case there could be anything on there to identlfy mrs smith and i. i am always very careful when posting, and am sure there was nothing on there, but felt it best to have it removed in order to be as cautious as a dove.

WinstonSmith

Yeah not sure what is up with the whole no contact thing. I was tempted to reply to the COBE and say "Oh and by the way your sheep that lives with me is fine, thanks for checking on her" but held back. It is entirely logical that the first person they spoke to was Sister T as she was the one that was closest to us. I have no doubt that she would have happily mentioned that Mrs Smith was of the same mind as me. Perhaps that is what has happened. Time will tell. Their lack of genuine care for their sheep is abundantly obvious.

As for destroying my records, I just threw that in the letter not really thinking that they would do it. I know when people come in to the WTS they are encouraged to contact any churches they were part of and request that their records be destroyed. I only asked because of that (whats good for the goose...). As far as I am aware it is not a legal requirement. It wouldn't even surprise me if they don't destroy them, but only say they have.

When someone DA's, the bethel is advised, so I am guessing that I have been moved from the shiny filing cabinet in to the one with the busted hinges and dents on the side.