Posts by qwerty

66

Introducing Myself...

by kyria in

jw
friends

i just wanted to introduce myself and share my verbose story.

my name is kyria, i'm 29 years old, originally from the pawtucket/lincoln rhode island congregation in the states.

i found this board yesterday, and am completely blown away by what an amazing place it is.

qwerty

Hi Kyria

Welcome to the forum.

I enjoyed your story and look forward to you on TV.

Qwerty

11

The Bible according to Spike Milligan.....

by Gadget in

.

in the beginning god created the heavens and the earth.. 2. and darkness was upon the face of the deep; this was due to a malfunction at the lots road power station.. 3. and god said, let there be light; and there was light, but eastern electricity board said he would have to wait until thursday to be connected.. 4. and god saw the light and it was good; he saw the quarterly bill and it was not good.. 5. and god called the light day, and the darkness he called night, and so passed his gcse.. 6. and god said, let there be a firmament and god called the firmament heaven, freephone 999.. 7. and god said, let the waters be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear, and in london it went on sale at six hundred pounds a square foot.. 8. and god said, let the earth bring forth grass, and the earth brought forth grass and the rastafarians smoked it.. 9. and god said, let there be lights in heaven to give light to the earth, and it was so, except over england where there was heavy cloud and snow over high ground.. 10. and god said, let the seas bring forth that that hath life, flooding the market with fish fingers, fishburgers and grade-three salmon.. 11. and god blessed them, saying, be fruitful, multiply, and fill the sea, and let fowl multiply on earth where prince charles and prince philip would shoot them.. 12. and god said, let the earth bring forth cattle and creeping things, and there came cows, and the bbc board of governors.. 13. and god said, let us make man in our own image, but woe many came out like spitting image.. 14. and he said, let man have dominion over fish, fowl, cattle and every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.. 15. and god said, behold, i have given you the first of the free yielding seed, to you this shall be meat, but to the ec it will be a beef mountain.

qwerty

11. And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, multiply, and fill the sea, and let fowl multiply on earth where Prince Charles and Prince Philip would shoot them.

LOL!

45

Have You Ever Served as an Attendant? Share Your Stories!

by Funchback in

i remember being a jw lad (about 10 or 11 years old).

i would be at the circuit assembly and, at around 10:45 am, about 8 brothers would get up, walk slowly up the aisle, glancing at each row of their "section", their lips quivering as they silently count each person, trying to maintain focus as nearly each jw makes eye contact them (even though everyone knew what the attendants were doing!

did i want to grow up to be the president of the united states?

qwerty

I was an attendant at every "ass"embly. At the district convention I became the assistant captain. I felt a wee bit stupid in the bright red tabard, which stood out from the other attendants in yellow.

One year we had a bomb evacuation. You wouldn't believe how hard it was to get people off their butts. Later it was found that the device the bomb squad almost blew up was a recording device rigged up by some ASS~~embly~~ witness! It look very bomb like too, with a little wire hanging out the side the box.

I was taken off has assistant to the Captain overseer and replace by some Elder. The reason? I was "only" a MS and not in a position to tell other elder what to do! From then on it was back to standing still for hours, looking for nonspiritual ones.

Qwerty

90

What Was Your Reputation In The Congregation?

by minimus in

jw
friends

were you considered a "troublemaker", a "complainer", a "fine" brother or sister?

were you always being called before the elders for one thing or another?

is your reputation the same here as it was in the congregation??

qwerty

Mr. Reliable, Spiritual, up and coming Elder.

Qwerty

96

What's Your Opinion of the Opposite Sex?

by minimus in

jw
friends

are you of the mind that all men and all women are basically the same?

you know---all men just have one thing on their mind or all women are just users?

there's so much stereotyping when it comes to males and females...typical man, typical woman.

qwerty

They are cute and soft.............Well mostly!

28

Belief-o-matic test

by qwerty in

i know i know this as been done before , i fink!

http://beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html

if you haven't taken the test before, give it a go see how far down the list if at all jw is.

qwerty

CanI call you Tink?

28

Belief-o-matic test

by qwerty in

i know i know this as been done before , i fink!

http://beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html

if you haven't taken the test before, give it a go see how far down the list if at all jw is.

qwerty

Don't tell the wife, but I have fallen in love with Tinkerbell!

Q.

28

Belief-o-matic test

by qwerty in

i know i know this as been done before , i fink!

http://beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html

if you haven't taken the test before, give it a go see how far down the list if at all jw is.

qwerty

Oh dear oh dear!

Seems we can't completely get the JW beliefs out totally! LOL

Q

15

Did Jesus disassociate from Judaism? Do we need to DA from the borg?

by BLISSISIGNORANCE in

jw
friends

is 'formal' disassociation from the borg a scriptural prerequisite?.

do we have scriptural examples of written statements for disassociation?.

or is it all a jw concept?.

qwerty

"Get out of her my people and stop touching the unclean thing"

No seriously, I think DA does not really matter. It's a personal choice and one we have to way up the pros and cons for, cause and effect. God knows where we stand and who we are.

Qwerty

28

Belief-o-matic test

by qwerty in

i know i know this as been done before , i fink!

http://beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html

if you haven't taken the test before, give it a go see how far down the list if at all jw is.

qwerty

I know I know this as been done before , I fink! http://beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html

If you haven't taken the test before, give it a go see how far down the list if at all JW is.

If you have done the test in the past, see if your beliefs are any differant.

Below are my results. Number 4 is more near to what I believe I guess.

Your Results:
The top score on the list below represents the faith that Belief-O-Matic, in its less than infinite wisdom, thinks most closely matches your beliefs. However, even a score of 100% does not mean that your views are all shared by this faith, or vice versa.

Belief-O-Matic then lists another 26 faiths in order of how much they have in common with your professed beliefs. The higher a faith appears on this list, the more closely it aligns with your thinking.

How did the Belief-O-Matic do? Discuss your results on our message boards.

1.	Orthodox Judaism (100%)

2. Sikhism (99%) 3. Reform Judaism (91%) 4. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (88%) 5. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (85%) 6. Orthodox Quaker (84%) 7. Islam (84%) 8. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (82%) 9. Eastern Orthodox (82%) 10. Roman Catholic (82%) 11. Bahá'í Faith (75%) 12. Seventh Day Adventist (73%) 13. Liberal Quakers (69%) 14. Hinduism (67%) 15. Unitarian Universalism (60%) 16. Jehovah's Witness (59%) 17. Neo-Pagan (55%) 18. Jainism (49%) 19. Mahayana Buddhism (48%) 20. Theravada Buddhism (46%) 21. New Age (46%) 22. New Thought (42%) 23. Scientology (40%) 24. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (37%) 25. Secular Humanism (27%) 26. Taoism (26%) 27. Nontheist (22%)