Hi rathernotsay
a also have a zealous JW wife trying to indoctrinate our kids. I also have never been a JW.
My first comment is that you seem to be mixing JW issues with other issues you are having.
It would seem to me that the first decision you have to make is whether you are going to stick with this girl. If you are going to break up, it would be better to get that part over with a.s.a.p., rather than let it drag out. In making that decision, remember that it is unlikely she will ever change the way she is; it is either cope with that, or leave.
If you are going to stick it out, I would suggest that you tell her that she can do as much pioneering as she wants, as long as she continues looking after the kids. Try to make it her job to take the kids to any sport or after school activities. Ie don't challenge her religious beliefs, but don't let her avoid her responsibilities either. Make sure you keep control of the finances, as well.
In relation to the non JW issues (throwing out your stuff, kid in bed etc), I have the impression from what you write (and I could be completely wrong) that you are calm and level headed, and try reasoning to persuade others of your point of view. Sometimes the only way to get the message through is to get (or feign) vocal anger to communicate something is not okay. It shouldn't be like that in the real world, but it is.
The other thing to do is to "know the enemy", by reading sites such as this and jwfacts and learn as much about this religion as possible. It helps for dealing with your wife's friends and also in bringing up your kids.
Finally, you would have read that the majority of kids brought up in this religion drop it as an adult. I have a suspicion that the drop out rate is much higher, if one of the parents is worldly, involved in bringing up the kids and is demonstrably a good person.
I hope that helps.