This is also my first post here. I have had a bit of a rough week. I have not attended the memorial in about 10 years....if not more. I have " a lineage" as my pioneer mother calls it of high ranking witnesses. Let's just say every grandparent was of the "annointed" and I wouldn't be surprised if any day now my 58 year old mother receives the "calling" to take someone's place. This would certainly give this "generation" a few more years.
I have recently had a renewed battle with my mother about my 7 year old daughter. She knows the rules about not witnessing to her but recently my daughter was there for spring break & asked to take my daughter to the KH.Of course my no answer led to all holy hell breaking loose. Mom told me she couldn't believe as smart as I was I could not believe her religion. I told her as smart as she was I couldn't believe she believed as she did. This was basically a heart wrenching tit for tat that hurt me emotionally to the core to a point that I haven't been at in years.I am 30 years old with a wonderful daughter, a good marriage, a nice home, and a good job but I get the emotional abuse of being told I hurt my mother more than any of her other children ever could. I get told that I have disappointed her in a way that no one else ever has. I am told that i have broken her heart. It is a hard struggle to overcome this emotional abuse with the knowledge that it all stems from a person who I should feel sorry for because they have been so deeply ingrained back so many years from a cult that they can't think for themselves. I have to cry the tears of pain from her words but I have to excuse her behavior because she is blinded and brainwashed.I just wish I could have a normal parent relationship. It almost happens sometimes...when religion is not the subject. But this always seems to come back up. I go to church sometimes and I do not see any of this type of strain or judgment. I see people who pray for their families who are not in church to come to know God and Jesus.
I didn't go to the memorial and I will not step foot in a kh again. It is too strange and bizarre for me. Quite frankly, I find it a bit scary. I pray for all to have the strength to move on with their lives and do not be influenced by emotional to abuse to backstep into an organization that preaches good on the outside but once you're in causes such pain.
