Posts by Xanthippe

45

What has been your own personal experience of shunning?

by UnshackleTheChains in

i am interested in finding out on a small scale the extent of which shunning has impacted on you personally.. my own experience is that when i faded about 12 years ago.

the woman whose house the book study was held at (and who was virtually a neighbour) walked right past me in my own street.

i remember it so well.

Xanthippe

My mum is gone now but she had nothing to do with us for years and virtually ignored her granddaughter. I saw one sister at my cousin's funeral last year but we didn't speak. My other sister I havn't seen since my dad's funeral in 2004. My brother came to my husband's funeral but dropped me later on again. Sometimes it would be nice to have a 6'2" man around to help me but he told me after I D'aed he's only interested in hearing from me if I'm destitute or desperate.

Yes I've had people walk past me in the street but we moved here twenty years ago and there isn't a JW congregation here, hooray, so we don't see witnesses. The nearest cong. is five miles away and they have us down as a do not call, which suits me.

I didn't see my nephews grow up. We weren't invited to my nephew's wedding and we will never see his son, almost two now I think. Of course my childhood friend, my pioneer partner and everyone I knew from childhood to thirty years shun us.

It's their loss. I have a beautiful, intelligent daughter they will never know. People in my life like me and have been there for me so who needs them.

52

My families shunning has gone to a whole new level

by pale.emperor in

8 months df'd.

loving a life of freedom.

however, my family are all shunning me.

Xanthippe

The only way I found to turn this crap into something positive, is that it steeled my resolve to provide my children with a WT-Free childhood. This poison ends here. - Hybridous

This is exactly what I decided too. My dysfunctional mother joined a cult because she grew up in a dysfunctional family with an alcoholic father. Now my siblings have become dysfunctional to the point they can't leave this crazy cult and they shun me and my daughter.

Misery in families can go on for generations due to events years ago and long forgotten. I have always said the pain stops here with me, I refuse to pass it on to my daughter. Which means keeping her away from that cult and my crazy shunning family.

Pale.emperor your mother is very mentally ill in my opinion to wipe you out of her life like that. You are so right wanting to protect your daughter. Your mother will start preaching at her soon, Bible story book, and turning her against you. If she stays strong and rejects the cult she will be shunned too. I know this is hard, I feel your pain.

I'm glad you've made friends outside of the cult. Your daughter will make her own friends at school. Kids choose their own friends you don't need to worry about that. She'll have a great life with you as her dad.

28

Birthday Wishes Welcome!

by LifesNotOver in

jw
friends

many of you don't know me or won't remember me.

i left the jw's and my husband and my home last september - forging a new life in a new town.

i haven't posted here for many months, but have been reading most days.

Xanthippe

19

Conditional Love

by Saethydd in

i've noticed several posts recently claiming that jw friends and family members give out conditional love.

well, i'm not so sure that is entirely accurate, in fact, i would say they tend to be very steadfast in their love.

the issue is this, they have been taught a poor form of love.

Xanthippe

but I would rather not get so wrapped up in my own pain that I start assuming motives that paint the people around me as cruel and vindictive.....Where possible I like to believe the best about people until proven wrong, and all I'm trying to do here is offer another point of view.

l appreciate that and many here have had good results from patiently waiting for their loved ones to leave. I agree we shouldn't assume people are doing things for bad motives but I think you have to realise that some people have been badly warped by staying in that cult for many years. Possibly even staying when they know in their hearts that it is not true.

Sadly I sometimes think that a big problem for people like my relatives is they actually may refuse to see the reality about that cult because it would mean admitting their exJW relative was right and having to apologise for their treatment of them. Some stubborn personality types actually cut off their noses to spite their faces.

19

Conditional Love

by Saethydd in

i've noticed several posts recently claiming that jw friends and family members give out conditional love.

well, i'm not so sure that is entirely accurate, in fact, i would say they tend to be very steadfast in their love.

the issue is this, they have been taught a poor form of love.

Xanthippe

But what about those of us who've been out thirty or forty years? Our families know wild horses won't drag us back to that cult. Still they shun us. You can't tell me it's still about love. For some of our relatives it's about fear that we may shake their faith, for others it's about revenge for the pain we caused them. Love to help save our lives by bringing us back? No not after all this time.

8

What if I'm attracted to the association of xJW's but not interested in JW topics?

by IveBeenBitten in

what if i'm attracted to the association of xjw's but not interested in jw topics?.

i'm interested in talking with people that are xjw's but i'm not interested in talking about jw stuff.

maybe sometimes, but is there a place to go where "jehovah's witnesses" don't have a topic?.

Xanthippe

You can start a new thread about politics, world events, entertainment, dating, marriage, children, humour and so on. Have a look at the topics under ' new topic '.

I've been out a very long time and occasionally get bored with JW subjects. Some of us like to talk about what we've been doing with our lives since leaving the religion. Sometimes people talk about travel, hobbies, what books, music or movies they like or even how to make friends.

Start a new topic, I'll look forward to it.

42

New here..help greatly appreciated

by Confusedandangry in

hi everyone i don't even know where to begin.

i recently saw leah remini's series on scientology thanks to my husband (semi-active jw) and i felt like my eyes were being opened for the 1st time in my adult life.

i felt shaken almost sick to my stomach with each episode i watched.

Xanthippe

Hi and welcome Confusedandangry. Yes I went a bit crazy too when I realised it was all false. Just take it slowly, ask your questions and we'll all try and help.

Think of it this way about your loss of years, people make mistakes all over the world or are born into horrible circumstance and regret their past. We're not the only ones. Just move on from now and look forward to all the freedom and fun you will have 🌷

41

Witnesses really hate it when you appear to leave.

by schnell in

i have a certain customer, whom we will call sally.

i know sally only by face and only through work.

i am a truck driver on a local dedicated route, and i often deliver to her work.

Xanthippe

The reaction I get from my brother whenever I try and be normal like handing him coffees and sandwiches at my uncles funeral is absolute blazing anger. He seems so angry with me and yet I don't even try to phone him anymore and I certainly don't 'apostate' at him. I am doing nothing to him at all yet all this rage.

My feeling is they get really angry because we've got away and they haven't. We're free and happy, they hate that. We should be miserable, living in poverty and having a terrible life.

3

Another JW factoid.

by DATA-DOG in

i went to visit my parents recently, and my mom went for the kh.

well...she told me that the visiting speaker from "po-dunk" usa, related a factoid.

of course it was "da troof" to her, but my demonic, critical-thinking mind started dissecting the account.

Xanthippe

Air Pollution Control Act was 1955 in the US. Clean Air Act followed in 1963 with various amendments in that decade.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clean_Air_Act_(United_States)

47

What did you regrettably not do because you were a Jehovah's Witness ?

by minimus in

jw
friends

jehovah's witnesses cannot do a lot of things.

i remember pioneers having to quit their jobs because they could not work in a convenience store and sell cigarettes.

i know of a young man who was offered a scholarship to any college or university if he wanted to go to because of his football abilities.

Xanthippe

I always wanted to go to Egypt and hoped the monuments would still be there after Armaggedon. 🙄 Now it's not safe and I may never see them. I wish I'd gone to university then for free (in the UK) got a job and travelled the world. Trying to catch up but not enough time and the world is less safe.