Tenacious, to me it is obvious that no one is in charge of this planet. Disease, natural disasters, prey animals that kill humans etc., etc. You've heard it all before. What religions have done is try and give reasons why God actually is in charge but he just appears to be doing nothing. For example the Christian religions site Genesis and the Fall as the reason. The Devil, sin and Jesus' sacrifice are given as explanations of what has gone wrong and what God is doing about it.
The reality is there is no proof that God is doing anything. It's rather like someone allowing something terrible to happen to your family, then saying it's OK because they've made a huge anonymous cash donation to charity to make up for it. This is both impossible to prove and does nothing for the suffering your family members have endured.
Religions expect us to do what God commands, through whatever holy book we are raised with, without any proof that a supreme being exists at all. We will get proof, we are told, when we die or at the end of the world. That's just no proof at all is it? Especially annoying if we are expected to obey rules to be around to receive that proof eventually.
All religious explanations that God cares and is actually in charge and looking after us are all empty stories to me. They can't be proved and if you set those stories to one side all you are actually left with is a planet that shouts life got here by 'accident' rather than design and we have to make life as fair as we can by relieving suffering ourselves.
So although you have asked for references to support why I no longer believe in God I think rather you need to provide support for a belief because none has been given to satisfy me and my explanation fits the evidence.
To answer your other questions. If your life is unfulfilling in a spiritual way and you feel the need for something bigger than your current life then perhaps you need to do something to make your life more fulfilling? There are lots of ideas on Joliette's thread about spirituality. Is there a higher consciousness you ask? I don't know but perhaps we will discover the answer one day, it is a very big universe. I just don't think the answer lies in the ancient books of primitive humans.