I'm still looking jrjw. I often find I read a whole book and only get one new idea from it. I'm closer to what it's all about than I ever used to be as a JW. I just don't feel the need to spread the word anymore, we all should find our own way.
Lots of reading and thinking have helped, but along the way I've learned to also enjoy the now, enjoy each day at the same time as I look for answers. Life can be so much fun.