Posts by Phoebe

My husband has only just recently found JWSurvey but he's been telling me there's something wrong with it for years. Then, not too long ago, he said he'd discovered, and been listening to, John Cedars and I must admit I was quite alarmed and told him he mustn't go on apostate web sites. But he kept telling me about JWSurvey and Critical Thinker and the things he was telling me made sense so I...reluctantly....had a peek.

I was terrified to look. But then I realised that these people weren't monsters, they were decent human beings trying to help. So the more I looked the more I wanted to know and John Cedars said 'research, research, research' so I did.

58

baptised nearly 51 years

by Phoebe in

jw
friends

been reading this site for awhile now.

i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.

my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.

Phoebe

Hi LevelThePlayingField, Millie210, smiddy and everyone.

Thank you. Virtual hugs coming your way :)

I must admit I was scared of joining and posting! Obviously I changed my name etc. There is such a climate of fear in the organization these days. It keeps getting rammed home to us we have to be loyal and the WT study this week was no exception. I want to be loyal to the God I believe in. Not to men. I have lost all trust in the organization. There are some truly wonderful brothers and sisters but there are also a whole bunch of theocratic snobs who look down on people who are not doing what they perceive as enough.

When I was a child I remember so much kindness from some of the older brothers and sisters and to be fair, in many ways it saved me. My parents put on a great show of being the perfect JW family. I would get into trouble if I didn't answer at the meetings. But behind close doors was a different story. My parents fought violently almost every day. My earliest memory is of being curled up under the bed, fingers in ears trying to blot out their screams and praying over and over again to God to make them stop. Plus my brother sexually assaulting me on several occasions. It was hell. As I grew up I went into the religion a scared, timid person - easily manipulated, easily frightened. Years of stress has built up to mammoth proportions. Thank goodness, I sought help. I advise anyone, like me, find a good counselor/therapist and don't be afraid to tell them you are a JW. I was told by a sister not to tell my psychologist I was a JW. But I told her anyway, how could I not? That is where the root of the problem lay.

It's taken over 50 years to be brave enough to say' enough' I'm not putting up with this anymore.

My husband told my kids (none of my kids are JWs) This religion is going to kill your mum.

I'm so glad I plucked up the courage to join you. What lovely people you are. x

58

baptised nearly 51 years

by Phoebe in

jw
friends

been reading this site for awhile now.

i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.

my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.

Phoebe

Dear Gorbatchov,

That is so awful. I feel for you. It's all so unkind and unloving. What is wrong with people?? Would Jesus behave like that to a person coming into the hall? How can they justify ignoring someone?

XX

58

baptised nearly 51 years

by Phoebe in

jw
friends

been reading this site for awhile now.

i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.

my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.

Phoebe

Hi Freddo,

Sorry for the late reply - time difference??

In answer to your question. I really don't know. I haven't seen him for a very long time and he lives far from me, thank goodness. His son (my nephew) has left the organization and he said one of the reasons he left was because he felt his father (my brother) was covering up for a pedophile in the congregation. He didn't molest my nephew, he suffered mentally and emotionally, though. My brother has a temper. Apparently, he would smash up the house in a rage and the next morning take the group as if nothing had happened. An elder of fine standing, huh?? Don't think so.

58

baptised nearly 51 years

by Phoebe in

jw
friends

been reading this site for awhile now.

i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.

my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.

Phoebe

Dear Giordano,

Thank you so much. My husband say hello back :)

It is true to say I have made more friends today than I have in all the years in my congregation.

Until I discovered this site, I really thought it was just me that was wrong. That all these feelings I had...the way people ignored me at the hall, I really thought it was because I was essentially a bad JW. That it was because I wasn't as good as the others. Then I read others peoples experiences and it was such a comfort to know it just wasn't me!

Thank you for such a wonderful welcome. x

58

baptised nearly 51 years

by Phoebe in

jw
friends

been reading this site for awhile now.

i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.

my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.

Phoebe

Dear HappyGal, Half banana, James Mxon, Finkelstein, Mr Flipper and everyone,

Thank you for making me so very welcome. It makes me so very happy that I plucked up the courage today to join you. You have made me so welcome. Love to you all. x

58

baptised nearly 51 years

by Phoebe in

jw
friends

been reading this site for awhile now.

i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.

my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.

Phoebe

Iown Mylife

Thank you for the welcome! I'v been on here for weeks...reading...I too, have found great comfort on these pages.

58

baptised nearly 51 years

by Phoebe in

jw
friends

been reading this site for awhile now.

i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.

my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.

Phoebe

life is to short,

You cannot know how it feels to know someone understands how I feel.Thank you so much.

You too, have suffered the lack of love and care. I can only imagine how you felt taking your husband to the hospital.

I was taken to hospital last July with chest pains and high BP. They thought it was a heart attack (turned out it was a massive anxiety attack) Most of the congregation knew. I walked back into the hall a month later and no one said a word. Nothing.

58

baptised nearly 51 years

by Phoebe in

jw
friends

been reading this site for awhile now.

i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.

my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.

Phoebe

Hi Xanthippe,

Yes, I'm glad, too. My husband left the truth about 18 years ago. He gave 110% to it and basically burnt out. He had zero help from anyone. We once watched two elders writing not-at-homes right outside our door but no one ever came to see him. He only had one visit and that was to tell him they were taking him off as a MS. You would not believe how much he gave to the brothers. Even after he left the truth he was giving/helping all the time.

He kept saying 'there's something wrong with it' and then he started reading JWSurvey and I was telling him to stay away from 'those sites' they were dangerous and then, well, curiosity got the better of me and I started reading and researching and wow! I was shocked.

But mostly, it's been the lack of love among the brothers that has really made me question everything. There is no compassion, no empathy, no love. They love those in their little cliques but no one else.