Phoebe

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Posts by Phoebe

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  12

  One Big Family... Except For When You Need Them

  by pale.emperor in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  when i was in, we all used to claim us jw's were "one big family" all around the world, and how we're the happiest people on the earth.

  except that isnt true is it?

  i knew that when i was in, but i've just had some news which shows me how unloving, uncaring and un-family like they really are.. my ex-best friend (he has to shun me doesn't he?

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  Phoebe

  They should be entitled to some state benefits to tie them over until they find work.

  We've just been through this, only we're much, much older. Two years ago my husband got very sick and he had to give up work. We only had a cleaning business (yes, that's the work he took on when he began to RP, which in hindsight was stupid but we didn't know better then) But it provided albeit not a lot.

  So, he got sick and I was doing anything and everything to earn money for food/bills. I'm older so it was really hard going out cleaning on my own. I'd often sit on the stairs of one house I cleaned and have a good cry because I was so exhausted. The whole congregation knew. All I ever got from them, if they lowered themselves to speak to me, was: 'I'll pray for you.'

  I didn't want charity. We'd always been the kind of people that helped others. My husband helped brothers after he left. But now we were really up against the wall. We had so little to live on. I thought the brothers would show they at least they cared. Nope.

  I worked 24/7 setting up a new business and somehow we clawed our way back to being able to look after ourselves. Even now I have to work every day. Never had so much as 'are you okay?' from anyone.

  My husband says' there's no brownie points for being kind and loving'. He says if they could write it on a report card, we'd have had a line at the door :D
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  58

  baptised nearly 51 years

  by Phoebe in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  been reading this site for awhile now.

  i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.

  my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.

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  Phoebe

  Thank you, sparky 1.

  I spent quite awhile choosing a name!
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  58

  baptised nearly 51 years

  by Phoebe in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  been reading this site for awhile now.

  i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.

  my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.

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  Phoebe

  Hi never a jw,

  My husband has only just recently found JWSurvey but he's been telling me there's something wrong with it for years. Then, not too long ago, he said he'd discovered, and been listening to, John Cedars and I must admit I was quite alarmed and told him he mustn't go on apostate web sites. But he kept telling me about JWSurvey and Critical Thinker and the things he was telling me made sense so I...reluctantly....had a peek.

  I was terrified to look. But then I realised that these people weren't monsters, they were decent human beings trying to help. So the more I looked the more I wanted to know and John Cedars said 'research, research, research' so I did.
• 
  58

  baptised nearly 51 years

  by Phoebe in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  been reading this site for awhile now.

  i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.

  my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.

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  Phoebe

  Hi LevelThePlayingField, Millie210, smiddy and everyone.

  Thank you. Virtual hugs coming your way :)

  I must admit I was scared of joining and posting! Obviously I changed my name etc. There is such a climate of fear in the organization these days. It keeps getting rammed home to us we have to be loyal and the WT study this week was no exception. I want to be loyal to the God I believe in. Not to men. I have lost all trust in the organization. There are some truly wonderful brothers and sisters but there are also a whole bunch of theocratic snobs who look down on people who are not doing what they perceive as enough.

  When I was a child I remember so much kindness from some of the older brothers and sisters and to be fair, in many ways it saved me. My parents put on a great show of being the perfect JW family. I would get into trouble if I didn't answer at the meetings. But behind close doors was a different story. My parents fought violently almost every day. My earliest memory is of being curled up under the bed, fingers in ears trying to blot out their screams and praying over and over again to God to make them stop. Plus my brother sexually assaulting me on several occasions. It was hell. As I grew up I went into the religion a scared, timid person - easily manipulated, easily frightened. Years of stress has built up to mammoth proportions. Thank goodness, I sought help. I advise anyone, like me, find a good counselor/therapist and don't be afraid to tell them you are a JW. I was told by a sister not to tell my psychologist I was a JW. But I told her anyway, how could I not? That is where the root of the problem lay.

  It's taken over 50 years to be brave enough to say' enough' I'm not putting up with this anymore.

  My husband told my kids (none of my kids are JWs) This religion is going to kill your mum.

  I'm so glad I plucked up the courage to join you. What lovely people you are. x
• 
  58

  baptised nearly 51 years

  by Phoebe in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  been reading this site for awhile now.

  i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.

  my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.

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• 

  Phoebe

  Dear Gorbatchov,

  That is so awful. I feel for you. It's all so unkind and unloving. What is wrong with people?? Would Jesus behave like that to a person coming into the hall? How can they justify ignoring someone?

  XX
• 
  58

  baptised nearly 51 years

  by Phoebe in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  been reading this site for awhile now.

  i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.

  my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Phoebe

  Hi Freddo,

  Sorry for the late reply - time difference??

  In answer to your question. I really don't know. I haven't seen him for a very long time and he lives far from me, thank goodness. His son (my nephew) has left the organization and he said one of the reasons he left was because he felt his father (my brother) was covering up for a pedophile in the congregation. He didn't molest my nephew, he suffered mentally and emotionally, though. My brother has a temper. Apparently, he would smash up the house in a rage and the next morning take the group as if nothing had happened. An elder of fine standing, huh?? Don't think so.
• 
  58

  baptised nearly 51 years

  by Phoebe in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  been reading this site for awhile now.

  i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.

  my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.

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• 

  Phoebe

  Dear Giordano,

  Thank you so much. My husband say hello back :)

  It is true to say I have made more friends today than I have in all the years in my congregation.

  Until I discovered this site, I really thought it was just me that was wrong. That all these feelings I had...the way people ignored me at the hall, I really thought it was because I was essentially a bad JW. That it was because I wasn't as good as the others. Then I read others peoples experiences and it was such a comfort to know it just wasn't me!

  Thank you for such a wonderful welcome. x
  
• 
  58

  baptised nearly 51 years

  by Phoebe in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  been reading this site for awhile now.

  i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.

  my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.

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  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Phoebe

  Dear HappyGal, Half banana, James Mxon, Finkelstein, Mr Flipper and everyone,

  Thank you for making me so very welcome. It makes me so very happy that I plucked up the courage today to join you. You have made me so welcome. Love to you all. x
  
• 
  58

  baptised nearly 51 years

  by Phoebe in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  been reading this site for awhile now.

  i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.

  my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Phoebe

  Iown Mylife

  Thank you for the welcome! I'v been on here for weeks...reading...I too, have found great comfort on these pages.
• 
  58

  baptised nearly 51 years

  by Phoebe in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  been reading this site for awhile now.

  i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.

  my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Phoebe

  life is to short,

  You cannot know how it feels to know someone understands how I feel.Thank you so much.

  You too, have suffered the lack of love and care. I can only imagine how you felt taking your husband to the hospital.

  I was taken to hospital last July with chest pains and high BP. They thought it was a heart attack (turned out it was a massive anxiety attack) Most of the congregation knew. I walked back into the hall a month later and no one said a word. Nothing.