Dozy.
Your post resonated with me so much.
I had that moment too and I blew it. 1977 I had a one way train ticket to start a new life in London and leave my abusive family and the WT behind. In those days moving to the bright lights of London was something no one in my provincial town did. I had a nice job line up, a flat, friends waiting for me.
My opportunity to disappear from WT and everyone that had caused me pain (family)
And what did I do?? After about a month, the fear of Armageddon and my family got to me and I not only walked straight back into a K.H but got in contact with my family. Why?? I could have totally changed my life for the better but the GUILT got to me.
My psychologist asked me, if there was anything I could change what would it be? And immediately told her the exact day in my life when I totally blew an opportunity to have a better life.
40 years later I finally did it. But the regret is real.