been reading this site for awhile now.
i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.
my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.
Thank you everyone for your wonderful welcome, your kind words and encouragement.
It's a huge comfort to know others have been through similar things.
One day, I'll try and write a brief history of all that's happened to me. It might be of some help to anyone who has had a similar experience. To know they are not alone.
Meanwhile, love to you all.
xx
been reading this site for awhile now.
i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.
my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.
3rdgen,
I just wanted to reply to you and say I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. I share your pain with the PTSD. Are you getting help? My COBE warned me off counseling and then I was told not to mention JWs. They said my psychologist 'had no reason to know anything about that.'
A lot of your younger life seems to mirror mine. Your father a servant under the old arrangement - mine, too. Especially when you said how you prayed to Jehovah to help you when your parents fought. That was me, too.
I found it very sad that our parents were receiving all this counsel about how to lead a good life, how to have a happy family...and then not applying one word of it. What was the point of it?
I was also never allowed any contact with the 'world' If a schoolmate so much has telephoned me at home by father would go mad. School was unbearable.
Thank you so much for your lovely kind words. It means everything to me to know that I'm not alone.
xx
been reading this site for awhile now.
i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.
my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.
Thank you Alive , for your lovely kind words. xxxxx
Stan livedeath
54 Years? that's amazing. xx
when i was in, we all used to claim us jw's were "one big family" all around the world, and how we're the happiest people on the earth.
except that isnt true is it?
i knew that when i was in, but i've just had some news which shows me how unloving, uncaring and un-family like they really are.. my ex-best friend (he has to shun me doesn't he?
They should be entitled to some state benefits to tie them over until they find work.
We've just been through this, only we're much, much older. Two years ago my husband got very sick and he had to give up work. We only had a cleaning business (yes, that's the work he took on when he began to RP, which in hindsight was stupid but we didn't know better then) But it provided albeit not a lot.
So, he got sick and I was doing anything and everything to earn money for food/bills. I'm older so it was really hard going out cleaning on my own. I'd often sit on the stairs of one house I cleaned and have a good cry because I was so exhausted. The whole congregation knew. All I ever got from them, if they lowered themselves to speak to me, was: 'I'll pray for you.'
I didn't want charity. We'd always been the kind of people that helped others. My husband helped brothers after he left. But now we were really up against the wall. We had so little to live on. I thought the brothers would show they at least they cared. Nope.
I worked 24/7 setting up a new business and somehow we clawed our way back to being able to look after ourselves. Even now I have to work every day. Never had so much as 'are you okay?' from anyone.
My husband says' there's no brownie points for being kind and loving'. He says if they could write it on a report card, we'd have had a line at the door :D
been reading this site for awhile now.
i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.
my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.
Thank you, sparky 1.
I spent quite awhile choosing a name!
been reading this site for awhile now.
i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.
my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.
Hi never a jw,
My husband has only just recently found JWSurvey but he's been telling me there's something wrong with it for years. Then, not too long ago, he said he'd discovered, and been listening to, John Cedars and I must admit I was quite alarmed and told him he mustn't go on apostate web sites. But he kept telling me about JWSurvey and Critical Thinker and the things he was telling me made sense so I...reluctantly....had a peek.
I was terrified to look. But then I realised that these people weren't monsters, they were decent human beings trying to help. So the more I looked the more I wanted to know and John Cedars said 'research, research, research' so I did.
been reading this site for awhile now.
i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.
my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.
Hi LevelThePlayingField, Millie210, smiddy and everyone.
Thank you. Virtual hugs coming your way :)
I must admit I was scared of joining and posting! Obviously I changed my name etc. There is such a climate of fear in the organization these days. It keeps getting rammed home to us we have to be loyal and the WT study this week was no exception. I want to be loyal to the God I believe in. Not to men. I have lost all trust in the organization. There are some truly wonderful brothers and sisters but there are also a whole bunch of theocratic snobs who look down on people who are not doing what they perceive as enough.
When I was a child I remember so much kindness from some of the older brothers and sisters and to be fair, in many ways it saved me. My parents put on a great show of being the perfect JW family. I would get into trouble if I didn't answer at the meetings. But behind close doors was a different story. My parents fought violently almost every day. My earliest memory is of being curled up under the bed, fingers in ears trying to blot out their screams and praying over and over again to God to make them stop. Plus my brother sexually assaulting me on several occasions. It was hell. As I grew up I went into the religion a scared, timid person - easily manipulated, easily frightened. Years of stress has built up to mammoth proportions. Thank goodness, I sought help. I advise anyone, like me, find a good counselor/therapist and don't be afraid to tell them you are a JW. I was told by a sister not to tell my psychologist I was a JW. But I told her anyway, how could I not? That is where the root of the problem lay.
It's taken over 50 years to be brave enough to say' enough' I'm not putting up with this anymore.
My husband told my kids (none of my kids are JWs) This religion is going to kill your mum.
I'm so glad I plucked up the courage to join you. What lovely people you are. x
been reading this site for awhile now.
i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.
my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.
Dear Gorbatchov,
That is so awful. I feel for you. It's all so unkind and unloving. What is wrong with people?? Would Jesus behave like that to a person coming into the hall? How can they justify ignoring someone?
XX
been reading this site for awhile now.
i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.
my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.
Hi Freddo,
Sorry for the late reply - time difference??
In answer to your question. I really don't know. I haven't seen him for a very long time and he lives far from me, thank goodness. His son (my nephew) has left the organization and he said one of the reasons he left was because he felt his father (my brother) was covering up for a pedophile in the congregation. He didn't molest my nephew, he suffered mentally and emotionally, though. My brother has a temper. Apparently, he would smash up the house in a rage and the next morning take the group as if nothing had happened. An elder of fine standing, huh?? Don't think so.
been reading this site for awhile now.
i have had a long and often tragic life as a jw.
my story is so long because i'm pretty old :) i feel sad i've been locked in fear and guilt for my entire life.
Dear Giordano,
Thank you so much. My husband say hello back :)
It is true to say I have made more friends today than I have in all the years in my congregation.
Until I discovered this site, I really thought it was just me that was wrong. That all these feelings I had...the way people ignored me at the hall, I really thought it was because I was essentially a bad JW. That it was because I wasn't as good as the others. Then I read others peoples experiences and it was such a comfort to know it just wasn't me!
Thank you for such a wonderful welcome. x
