Posts by Phoebe

23

last psychology session tomorrow

by Phoebe in

jw
friends

so tomorrow is my last appointment with my psychologist.

we are going to commemorate it by giving each other a letter.. sept 2016 i sat, a quivering wreck, in her waiting room.

i was terrified.

last psychology session tomorrow

by Phoebe in

jw
friends

so tomorrow is my last appointment with my psychologist.

we are going to commemorate it by giving each other a letter.. sept 2016 i sat, a quivering wreck, in her waiting room.

i was terrified.

Phoebe

So tomorrow is my last appointment with my psychologist. We are going to commemorate it by giving each other a letter.

Sept 2016 I sat, a quivering wreck, in her waiting room. I was terrified. Would she think I was too old to help? I was there despite the disapproval of the elders (one who thought I was going to be made to do yoga and all sorts of things we witnesses didn't approve of!) and an elder's wife who had sternly told me ' if you must go, don't you be saying you're a Jehovah's Witness. It's not for them to know!'

I knew loads of bros & sis who should have sought help but they suffered in silence because they didn't want to bring reproach on God's name. Well, I wasn't one of them. A few weeks prior I'd been taken to hospital with a suspected heart attack...it was the mother of all anxiety attacks...and I'd been told by the doctor, you need to go and see someone or you're going to be in big trouble.

So I did. I was diagnosed with undischarged post traumatic stress. One of the first thing the psychologist asked me was, had I ever considered leaving the JWs?

Hell no! Are you kidding me? No way. I was rock solid sure we had the truth. There's was no way I would ever stop being a JW.

But bit by bit she helped me untangle the mess in my head. Looking back on my life was agonizing at times. Raised in an unhappy and often violent family by super strict (and extremely hypocritical) JW parents. They beat each other up and then went to the hall as if everything was perfect! Sexually assaulted by my much older brother while my parents were on a bible study (he's an elder and refuses acknowledge what he did or apologize to me) No contact with the outside world at all as I grew up. Forced to get baptized at 13. In big trouble when I got home if I didn't answer at least once during the meeting. No education. No fun. Nothing. A traumatizing and awful childhood. Reg pioneer at 16. Managed to escape in my 20s but so locked into the WT that despite everything I was totally convinced it was the real truth.

Married a RG/MS - kids. Hubby burnt out and stopped going to meetings. Kids all chose to go to university. Still I kept going. This was the truth. I wasn't giving up for anything.

But all the time I was haunted by my childhood. As if sexual abuse doesn't already rip you of your self esteem, add that to the WT making me feel that I was never good enough. Even my sister, a spiritual snob if ever there was one, told me I wasn't good enough to be a JW. I believed her and so I kept trying and kept praying. Telling Jehovah I was rubbish but please don't kill me or my kids. I was so screwed up by the WT. I blamed myself for everything. But that trip in the back of an ambulance changed everything.

So I ignored the elders and found a pyscholigist and wow, what a difference it made to my life.

Fast forward a year later...I am no longer attending meetings and am currently fading, although I am considering DA. I do not believe JWs have the truth and am deeply ashamed it took me over 50 years to come to this conclusion. Of course, my world imploded when, with the psychologists help, I started examining my religion and found TTATT! But I'm coming through it now.

I have learnt I am not a bad person after all, in fact, I'm actually quite nice. I did nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed of. I was treated appallingly by people that should have cared for me and that includes the elders in my congregation.

My mind now has clarity and finally, my heart has peace.

I was the one person you would have thought would never have ever given up believing the WT, but I did and I'm writing this to give people hope. You may have loved ones you want to wake up, be patient. If I can wake up...anyone can. Never give up. And for anyone out there suffering, find a psychologist or a counselor. I could not have got through this without one. It is one of the best things I have ever done.

And finally, thank you to everyone on this forum that has helped me, sent me messages of hope and comfort or made comments under my posts. Throughout all of this you have been my safety net and I have been so grateful for your support.

xxx

161

Help! Mike & Kim videos all being deleted by Youtube

by mrmagic in

due to watchtower flagging the mike & kim videos on youtube for copyright, youtube is giving them 6 days before they are shutting down their entire youtube channel.

can you help with a mass downloading program and then reuploading them on a mirror ?

would hate to lose all those good videos!

Phoebe

Sorry Fisherman

I went to click the like button and accidentally clicked the dislike. Ooops. Sorry :(

Btw I Liked your comment very much

161

Help! Mike & Kim videos all being deleted by Youtube

by mrmagic in

due to watchtower flagging the mike & kim videos on youtube for copyright, youtube is giving them 6 days before they are shutting down their entire youtube channel.

can you help with a mass downloading program and then reuploading them on a mirror ?

would hate to lose all those good videos!

Phoebe

steve2

I don't see what they've done wrong. John Cedars uses far more WT stuff than they do.

I watch all their videos and they very rarely show WT articles. Kim said there seemed to be a 'seek and destroy' mentality coming out from Warwick. If that's the case, we may see other channels targeted, I guess.

There's a lot of JW trolls that make nasty comments under exJW videos, I guess they could be stirring up trouble by reporting too.

161

Help! Mike & Kim videos all being deleted by Youtube

by mrmagic in

due to watchtower flagging the mike & kim videos on youtube for copyright, youtube is giving them 6 days before they are shutting down their entire youtube channel.

can you help with a mass downloading program and then reuploading them on a mirror ?

would hate to lose all those good videos!

Phoebe

When I first started fading I didn't watch Kim and Mike, I thought he was too shouty and they were what I imagined apostates to be when I was attending the meetings. BUT, I have started to watch them and I enjoy their videos. They have good hearts. They care about people and they expose the WT. They still believe in God, as I still do, so they suit me.

As Kim said, why are they (WT) bothering with us, we're only a little channel?

I think this shows WT are worried.

21

Being a jobo. It's not the same as it was.

by punkofnice in

i've been hearing this from what i'd call 'dyed in the wool' type jobos.. 'it's not the same as it was a few years ago.....'.

i believe from what comes back to me via my spies -.

the dyed in the woolers are referring to how the gb are now blatantly pontificating threateningly it seems, about wanting money even from children, all the time.

Phoebe

Maybe some are waking up due to the changes but the majority will stay firmly in it, especially the older generation. My friend (she's 69) said the recent WT study about giving up your riches upset her and her husband as they give a lot of money and now they know it's being used for the wrong reasons (ie compensation in court cases) but despite that they will still continue to give anyway.

It doesn't matter what the WT do or what they change, people like my friend will always go along with it.

(I wanted to take issue with the 'used for wrong reasons' because compensating an abuse victim is the least they can do, but thought I'd better shut up and let it go.)

14

Yoga for JWs

by EyesOpenHeartBroken in

i was chatting with my very jw pioneer mother (aged 65) and out of the blue she tells me she is sore from a particular pose she did in yoga class.

"wait, what??

" i say in my mind.

Phoebe

When my COBE heard I was attending counseling, he came to my house and said I'd better be careful or they might start getting me to do YOGA and that isn't allowed. Clearly he has no idea what counseling is!!!

6

family violence

by zeb in

jw
friends

this from the australian broadcasting commission (abc).. the aftershocks of the arc continue.. "thanks for your email, and for sharing some of your personal story.we are absolutely aware that violence exists in jehovah's witnesses families.

as this series is ongoing, we will be continuing to report on this issue for some time.

in the meantime, you might be interested to read the story of "jennifer" in a feature we published a few weeks back (link below).

Phoebe

My so-called devout JW parents violently fought almost every single day. Rows were constant. Screaming, hitting, beating, smashing up stuff, throwing anything they could get their hands on. Both parent as bad as each other. It was a living nightmare leaving me completely traumatized as a child (well, that and the sexual assaults by my brother...but that's another story) Then they went to the meetings as if nothing had happened.

In my congregation a sister left her JW husband because he hit her regularly. Do you know what the COBE said to her? He said: 'You do realise you are now going to die at Armageddon.'

Another sister I know left her JW husband after years of abuse. Her elders tolerated it but she was denied any privileges in the congregation. She wasn't even so much as allowed to make tea at a quick build (when they had them) or give a talk or pioneer - nothing. She could go on the ministry and meetings, that's all.

13

"... climate of disfellowshipping in Hull currently... " - Hull Daily Mail

by Nicholaus Kopernicus in

article from the above news paper... .

http://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/news/hull-east-yorkshire-news/hull-jehovahs-witnesses-speak-out-444185.

maybe boe in north east england having an attack of zealous fervour!

Phoebe

disfellowshipping children as young as 10....that is disgusting! What can that child possibly have done?? They are destroying peoples lives. It makes me sick and ashamed I belonged to them for so long.

26

Prayers ,are they answered ? or is it just self delusion ?

by smiddy3 in

after 33 years as a jw and leaving 25 years ago i think prayer can be summed up with the jews praying at the wailing wall.. all they are doing is talking to a brick wall ,and getting no feed back.

and they expect an answer to their prayers ?!.

christians /other beliefs might find that funny but they are no better off.. prayer is always a one way street you talk either vocally or mentally to god however you never get the same back .. if god " so loved the world that he doesnt want any to be destroyed but have everlasting life " then whats the problem with him audibly answering his servants prayers ?

Phoebe

I always hated it when someone would say they'd prayed for a job or a house and hey presto! they got it.

Or what about the Watchtower who wanted that equipment (cameras?) for the JW Broadcast and the company didn't have any available and so the brothers went out to the car and prayed and hey presto! A man from the company came running out to the car and said a company in south Africa (?) had gone bankrupt and didn't need their order so the brothers could have it...and cheaper, too. The GB said it was Jehovah answering their prayers because he was backing the broadcast.

How does that make sense compared to the child praying for angels to be around her bed to protect her from her JW dad abusing her?

No, I don't believe prayers are answered. It's just coincidences.

I would worry that my prayers were never answered and others seemed to be. I thought it meant Jehovah didn't like me.

There's a sister in my congregation who actually put up her hand and said her family think she has her own angel as ALL her prayers get answered, so if you want something just ask her. How utterly stupid is that??

Or the sister who constantly puts on social media the phrase 'tick...another prayer answered by Jah'