Posts by usedtobenotanymore

59

A Little Direction Please

by Brian J in

i'm an active elder, cobe, just got home from the meeting where i handled the treasures part and concluded by announcing a friend of mine has been d/f,.....blah blah blah...and over the last year have woken up.

i simply cannot spill my guts to my wife and children as it would be family suicide.

i have zero desire to bash, spread my feelings, or become an "apostate".

usedtobenotanymore

First off if you have kids start allowing the friends outside of the congregation, and you and wife should start that too. When you leave you need a social network other than JW's. That's one way they keep people in. Obviously with kids you still want to make sure their friends are good influences. But start teaching them that they need to judge people on their character-not just their religious affiliation.

Probably your family is ready for a break from the busy life of being JW's, meetings twice a week, service on the weekends, family worship, etc, more if you're an elder/pioneer etc. So let them enjoy a weekend off, take a vacation and don't go to meetings, start missing stuff subtly more often. At first they'll just be relieved to sleep in on the weekend! Honestly, one of the biggest things I love about not being a JW is having my time to do with as I please. Not as I'm told to by the society.

SLOW, SLOW, SLOW. Like everyone else said. If you say too much your wife will jump and then she'll be on that righteous defense mode. "Get behind me Satan!" With everything you say.

Hang in there bud

9

How the Governing Body breaks people

by krismalone in

we all have likely heard the expression "to break a person" and usually it's in relation to kidnappers, bullies, pimps, human traffickers and cult leaders.. when a person is broken, their spirit, goals, aspirations, pursuits, self esteem, critical thinking and dreams are taken away.

what fills that vacuum is despair, depression, low self esteem, lack of self confidence and individuality.

the victim now believes that they are not worthy of enjoying life and following their dreams and personal satisfaction through personal achievements.

usedtobenotanymore

I agree with Wasanelder Once and Scratchme1010. Perhaps it effects people differently. I was born in and always made to feel like we were "special", look at all those poor lost people out there in the world, they're not happy and the ones that seem happy, it's not real happiness, just surface empty pursuit of instant gratification. Or if they seem deeply genuinely happy it's just based on their false beliefs and not really founded.

I excelled at ministry work, talks in the hall, was very social in the congregation. I was kind of a golden witness child, turning down academic opportunities to pioneer right out of high school, put on a pedestal by my parents and friends as someone serving Jehovah wholeheartedly. Of course, I was doing it for the accolades and backpatting, not for God.

19

They have nowhere else to go!

by Crazyguy in

i think the overwhelming problem with trying to wake up friends and family is they have nowhere else to go.

i mean these people all their friends are jws a lot of them their family is jws.

if they wake up or agree with you in anyway they know instantly that they loose all this, many will even loose jobs.

usedtobenotanymore

I faded about two years ago, had been losing faith for some time, was lesser in attendance in ministry and meetings but like you said-had nowhere to go. My family, (now ex) husband and his family were JWs, all my friends. It was out of the question to imagine my life separated from all the people I knew and loved. Fortunately I found the courage through a friend at work and have built a network of friends who are now as close as family.

Since I'm not disfellowshipped I still have contact with my parents. They are devout, convinced that I'm just "lost and searching" but that I'll eventually find my way back to "the truth". So on my visits with them every few months the conversation inevitably leads to debating the truth. And as much as I want to wake them up, want to win the debate and for them to recognize it's all lies....I also know that it means they would have to leave everything they know too. And being older and in a small town I don't know that they could handle it. They are incredibly social people and are kind of a social lynchpin in the congregation so leaving would be devastating to them not having friends and get togethers. I almost am glad they stay in the organization just because they'd be so desperately lonely if they left. :(