I remember he gave a talk at one of our assemblies and said, "parents, allowing your child to attend college is facilitating spiritual suicide." I still secretly applied and was out their house before the next assembly.
Cimarrona
JoinedPosts by Cimarrona
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18
Did anyone here ever meet Stephen Lett?
by The Real Edward Gentry inwhat is he like in person?
he seems deranged.
do people get irritated at being spoken to like a 3 year old when they hear him speak?.
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AGM - Are they now teaching predestination?
by Doubting Bro inanother agm thought.
in tight pants tony's part, he mentioned several times that jehovah draws those he chooses and only those rightly disposed would come in.
and individuals that liked the literature but made no progress towards becoming jw were a "waste of time".. was he setting the stage for them introducing the thought of predestination?
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Cimarrona
In my lifetime, they've always maintained both ideas - that Jehovah "calls" those with the right heart condition to him but simultaneously (and contradictingly) that witnesses have to seek out sheep and, for themselves, constantly reaffirm their faith. I once asked my father: "Why am I being punished for Jehovah not calling me?" The man always has an answer for everything, but this time: silence.
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The First Young People Ask VHS
by Cimarrona indo y'all remember the young people ask tape that came out in the late 90s about "bad association"?
i was a fairly small child with teenage siblings and watched it often (with family and alone cause i thought it was the inside scoop on older kids).
that was back when worldly was still very much so a part of dubspeak (i think they started encouraging people to stop saying it in the mid to late 2000s).
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Cimarrona
Do y'all remember the young people ask tape that came out in the late 90s about "bad association"? I was a fairly small child with teenage siblings and watched it often (with family and alone cause I thought it was the inside scoop on older kids). That was back when worldly was still very much so a part of dubspeak (I think they started encouraging people to stop saying it in the mid to late 2000s). Anyway, I've had JWs treat me a million times worse than any of the "bad" kids in that movie, before and after I faded. There was a convention right after I left and my absence was noted; you wouldn't believe how many ministerial servants and regular pioneers, single/dating/married, propositioned me via text! As if being a woman outside of their religion meant I was just open to having sex with whomever whenever whatever. IT WAS WILD. But that VHS was hilarious.
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The Ever-Changing Song Book
by Cimarrona inthe songs in the old brown song book were way better than these new ones.
had they not changed the songs, i may never have left (halfway joking).
they gave no feeling, no soul (but of course there's no such thing as soul or whatever)!
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Cimarrona
BUT DO YALL REMEMBER WHEN PRINCE DID THAT CD OF KINGDOM MELODY COVERS THOUGH??? They were all the rage. At least amongst black witnesses. That was until the GB sent out a letter ordering that we not listen to them anymore.
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It's about progress, not perfection...
by scratchme1010 ini guess at this point in time and space i'm ok if there's an indication of things going in the right direction.. my jw father, who joined the jws in 1973 when i was 8, has always had all the characteristics of the stereotypical brainwashed born again weirdo.
as a jw he always felt the need to show that he was more devoted than the rest of the crop.
to him, life became very easy from that point on: "the bible", interpreted by the millions of wt publications, along with the information in the meetings and getting involved in all jw activities, were the answer to everything and anything in his life".
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Cimarrona
Very late to the game.. but thank you for this post. I too have watched my parents age. My aunt died last week, two of my uncles a couple years before that. I asked my mother how she's feeling and her response was, "I know she's not in pain." Which I don't disagree with. I know it's hard on them. I know that they live an anxiety filled life under the surveillance of people half their age who, like all witnesses, are constantly looking for flaws in others. It makes me sad. They're both so brilliant. They could've accomplished so much had they chosen other paths (preferably after I was conceived lol). I'm still learning how to navigate our relationship. But one of the most healing parts is no longer having to lie to them. I lied soooooo much growing up. I never felt like I could tell them the truth about anything, even minor things that in retrospect shouldn't have mattered. Now it's all out there in the open. No shame.
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Your worst convention experience.
by zeb inby a split second rescuing our handicapped son from being pushed down the stairs by a flood of sisters rushing out to see as the drama had started.. the main offender being a special pioneer..
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Cimarrona
Being an awkward adolescent then teenager from 2003-2010, walking the hallways during intermission, often alone or with my childhood best friend who,dumb as a doorknob, was much more attractive to JW boys.
Oh! And the assembly when my menstrual blood leaked and I had a huge stain on black and white dress but my parents refused to bring me home even though we were only 30 minutes away. My dad was one of the assembly overseer people so we were like the last to leave after the whole place had been cleaned and everything.
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The Ever-Changing Song Book
by Cimarrona inthe songs in the old brown song book were way better than these new ones.
had they not changed the songs, i may never have left (halfway joking).
they gave no feeling, no soul (but of course there's no such thing as soul or whatever)!
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Cimarrona
The songs in the old brown song book were way better than these new ones. Had they not changed the songs, I may never have left (halfway joking). They gave no feeling, no soul (but of course there's no such thing as soul or whatever)! Now they also have these like Christian pop rock cds they listen to. It's all so strange. What a weird set of people - and yet, we were all once one of them. What a life! -
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Being Disfellowshipped + On-Going Cycle of Depression
by Cimarrona ini've been disfellowshipped for six years, since i was 18. i struggle with depression and self-destructive habits (minor in comparison to the suicides, substance abuse, risky sexual behavior of others i've grown up with who have left or were too afraid to leave).
i'm fairly successful for my age - respected in my field, i have an extensive curriculum vitae of published writing, presentations, and other projects.
yet, i often feel worthless and unloveable.
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Cimarrona
@steve2 I think we're finally past that expectation that I'll 'come to my senses.' I've made my stance very clear. I do agree that I need to be independent of them, which is why I'm asking for advice re: breaking the grip of depression that sometimes hinders my ability to stay on top of my work to do so. To be clear, they are not paying my bills. The last time I sought their support was maaaaaybe winter 15-16. I honestly don't remember. They continue to offer in-kind support that I haven't asked for in the form of childcare but that's it. And yes, in spite of my occasional dependency on my parents, I would consider myself fairly successful professionally for a 24 year old - I mean having my writing in publications with international readership, having presented or facilitated panels at academic conferences in the U.S, Latin America, Canada, and Europe, producing critically acclaimed visual art exhibitions sounds pretty impressive to me. Statustically, most college educated people in their mid-20s, particularly in the arts and humanities, are pushing coffee/waiting tables or not even that.
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Being Disfellowshipped + On-Going Cycle of Depression
by Cimarrona ini've been disfellowshipped for six years, since i was 18. i struggle with depression and self-destructive habits (minor in comparison to the suicides, substance abuse, risky sexual behavior of others i've grown up with who have left or were too afraid to leave).
i'm fairly successful for my age - respected in my field, i have an extensive curriculum vitae of published writing, presentations, and other projects.
yet, i often feel worthless and unloveable.
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Cimarrona
@freddo thank you for the kind words :) I think they are proud, though they'd never admit it. Both of my parents would've been leaders in some way or another had they not been similarly brainwashed as children into baptism (their parents were JWs too - my mother's father didn't become one until she was an adult though). I think, for my father, being a black American southerner born in the 1940s, JWs offered a position of leadership/respect from a fairly young age that he may not have attained elsewhere. Because of literacy rates and racial segregation, he was appointed an elder at 18 (he and my grandfather were the only men in their congregation who could read). For my mom, I don't know - I guess my mom, as a woman, didn't have many options that wouldn't have been a steep uphill battle so why not settle for the cute upwardly mobile witness boy and become a special pioneer as a result? Sigh. In spite of their JWness, they definitely cultivated a sense of adventure and critical thinking skills into me - which, my father has said to me, they feel backfired lol. We'd "serve where the need is greater" on Native American resevations that no one else would go into, they'd send me alone to spend summers with missionary relatives abroad as a teenager, I traveled alone to visit friends I'd made abroad and stay with their families for months at a time. I suppose if I was another type of person (like some of my siblings) these adventures would have made me feel more attached to the "Society," but they really just taught me how to make the most of the little I have, have fun, connect with people who don't think/look/believe like me, build community wherever I go, and speak multiple languages (two fluently, three conversationally). important things that I didn't note: our relationship has shifted over the last several months as I have a five-month old son. We're cordial, they watch the baby sometimes when I have a deadline to meet or need to rest or clean. Sometimes my mother will linger in conversation with me (the previous years she didn't talk to me at all), a lot of times I can sense her guilt for wanting to do so. I ask her how she's feeling about life - she's getting older and she often mentions that while "the wages of sin is death" nonsense. I listen to her because I know she doesn't get that often. One of my professional struggles is that anytime I even remotely acknowledge my religious background in my writing, I immediately get angry emails and phone calls from family calling me an apostate. The reality is that my experience of being shunned is a major part of my everyday life. I feel stifled. Even if I'm not writing specifically about that or even planning to broach the subject, the fact that I in any way have to censor myself presents a creative block. And they say they're not a cult *eye roll*
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18
Being Disfellowshipped + On-Going Cycle of Depression
by Cimarrona ini've been disfellowshipped for six years, since i was 18. i struggle with depression and self-destructive habits (minor in comparison to the suicides, substance abuse, risky sexual behavior of others i've grown up with who have left or were too afraid to leave).
i'm fairly successful for my age - respected in my field, i have an extensive curriculum vitae of published writing, presentations, and other projects.
yet, i often feel worthless and unloveable.
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Cimarrona
I've been disfellowshipped for six years, since I was 18. I struggle with depression and self-destructive habits (minor in comparison to the suicides, substance abuse, risky sexual behavior of others I've grown up with who have left or were too afraid to leave). I'm fairly successful for my age - respected in my field, I have an extensive curriculum vitae of published writing, presentations, and other projects. Yet, I often feel worthless and unloveable. I have life-long difficulty maintaining friendships and the tendency to chase romantic partners who either reject me or are emotionally abusive. Anyway, when I'm feeling down, it's almost impossible to get work done and if I don't get work done I can't pay my bills and if I have to ask my parents for assistance (which to their credit, they'll extend if I ask) then I have to accept what they offer with their comments about how this is what happens when one rejects Jehovah's organization. I really want to get out of this loop, but I feel stuck. I'm currently in search of a therapist. In the meantime... What has helped you guys?