Hi BettyBoop,
Here's a thought. You miss your family & friends...that's a good thing...but what kind of family and friends are they really, would you call them conditional friends...think about how would Jesus handle this....The does scripture that mentions no natural affection come to mind ? So if you return they are your family and friends again...but as of now, they aren't. These are real questions to ask yourself. If you were not a witness, would you be friends with someone who only walked, talked or thought like you, would you be friends/family of someone(s) who only talked to you when they felt like it or only if you did something for them....What is the definition of a real friend or a family member?
Remember too, if you get re-instated, one day, you will have to shun someone, & will you remember when you were shunned, & you will remember those feelings you had...Don't do to people what you don't want done to you.
NO organization can keep you away from GOD...& if you want to come back write a letter & say, You have repented & would like to know would like to return....but being out, I've found out that even though I was DF'd I could still talk to God, because no one can keep me away from Jehovah, he still loves me...if he could forgive Manesseh, David, etc, I know he sees my heart even if you don't. So if you feel that I should not be re-instated as of yet, that's ok, I'll still worship and praise Jehovah from wherever I go...just like some of our brothers & sisters who in in prison, nothing stops them from Jehovah, not even prison walls. So I will wait on Jehovah to move your hearts to re-instate me. & My closing statement is this...With Jehovah, what can MAN, do to me.
Now Bettyboop, don't be afraid of people, people that are not JW's are nice folks...you are on this site & you must have noticed, none on here are what the org. describes. None of the folks outside the org. are bad either. If folks were so bad, we would be stepping on dead bodies all over the place....I know many witnesses are shy or introverted, but trust in God & he'll give you more than you'll ever ask for.
I'm a witness, haven't been one for a long time & I know TTATT, I've made some great friends, love them, but I know they only love me because I'm a witness...if I wasn't...you know the rest...Guess what ? I'm ok with that..I have kept my friends that are not witnesses, & they love me, we have been friends for years, no they are not perfect, nor am I, but we have been there for each other through thick & thin. Their love is unconditional...What I'm trying to get you to see is heart of the people you are trying to get back with...do they truly have love in their heart? In Psalms, there is a scripture that says, even if Mother or father leave me, he still has Jehovah...Don't be afraid to come out of your comfort zone & meet new people....
You can volunteer, there is so much to do so you won't feel isolated...go to the hospital & hold a baby that their mother was on drugs, go talk to an elderly person in a nursing home. Be a mentor to a young person who needs someone...so many ways you can give of yourself, that witnesses would never do, because they can't count the hours...The world as we know it may one day come to an end...but in the meantime, we are all still here & folks still need help...don't stick your head in the sand & act like the only way to help folks is being a witness, that's just kool-aide.
Boyfriend, well, that's up to you. Learn to like yourself, so others will like you too..
Tor