Same age and timeline (apart from the MS and Elder bit –
females not allowed!). I pioneered, travelled and opened my home to countless
JW’s from all over the world. Constantly on assembly programs and on speed dial
for last minute talks on the Ministry School. I had ‘friends’ everywhere and was
‘loved’.
Now, 16 years after leaving I too am a non-entity in JW land
BUT have pursued a life that is mine – without controlling men guilting me into
obedience. Those men who would take me on shepherding calls, who would ask my
advice on problems within the body of elders – those men who claim to be my
friends (a few who were closet gays).
Have I lost anything? Yes. I lost that same feeling of
security knowing what the future held. I lost deeply loved friends – many of
whom I think about often. I lost a fantastic social network.
Have I gained anything? Yes. I have gained freedom from an
organisation that does not resemble the one I grew up in. I have gained freedom
from having to accept that which was obviously not true or reasonable. I have
gained the relief of not being a hypocrite.
It is not easy starting a new life with no friends around.
Having grown up in the ‘Truth’ that was all I had. It is not easy when one has
avoided further education because it was frowned upon (and then being perplexed
by having friends in Bethel who were career lawyers – paid for by the society).
It’s not east having your life’s history now viewed, personally, as an empty
sham. How many hours in field serving, how many miles walked (my knees can tell
you).
I am sad that in many ways I wasted my JW life. It could
have been so different if I had taken a different path and walked away sooner –
but I was full ‘in’.
However, “better late than never”