I am not comfortable with the term apostate because I am not opposed to God. I question everything I have believed and been taught to believe and knowing the things I know now make me feel like the term better suits the organization.
I am fading and am not able to openly share my thoughts and feelings while being badgered by relatives to return to the meetings and being counseled on letting the actions of others stumble me.
I wish I could just blurt out what I really think but I do not want to hurt my family.