Posts by stuckinthemiddle

15

a unique situation

by stuckinthemiddle in

jw
friends

i think i have a unique involvement with jws.

i'm not a baptized member.

my mother has been devout for over 20 years.

stuckinthemiddle

Thank you Diogenesister. It is always valued when a person respects and acknowledges our pain.

I am of Odawa nation, although I was never raised traditional, never taught our language, my mother was taken away at the age of 9 up until she was 18 and her upbringing in the institution greatly affected her way of life which resulted in my diminished sense of being. I had to seek out traditions and language on my own. My mother did stay after 18 for a few more years to earn a degree within the same sect, but at the cost of her culture and self-identity. She hadn't recovered completely, and slowly started speaking the language that was beat out of her not until her 40's or 50's. I used to think her situation made her easy prey for JW's but I see all she wishes to do is give hope to people who never had a chance in life, those who never knew hope. She doesn't push people to believe or get baptized, but the study of hope is better than nothing at all. There were a few people who came up to me, gave me a hug, and told me my mom made them rethink suicide. She never showed affection when I was a child and I was already a degenerate kid when I ran away. When we later reconciled is when I noticed the huge change in her psychological state and I finally had a mother. To this day she doesn't judge me, she doesn't preach, she is so accepting even after knowing of all atrocities I've done or caused. I had not met any other jw's outside her congregation until I met my partner, so I never had a biased thought of its members. It was only until I met his parents, that changed. He's not whipped or controlled as some may think. Rather he will treat his family his respect even though they don't deserve it, because that is just who he is. He honors and shows reverence to my mother even though she has never said more than 5 words to him in 6 years, because that is just who he is.

The Truth and Reconciliation Commission of Canada spent 6 long emotional years gathering evidence and testimonies of survivors of indian residential schools all across canada. The government along with the churches spent over 100 years physically, psychologically and sexually abusing native children as young as 5, sometimes killing them. They were forcibly taken from their parents to assimilate them to 'kill the indian' within. The commission ended up with a 10 volume final report with over 6000 pages within them. You like to read it seems, but I must warn you, it is extremely graphic and powerful. A very sad dark hidden reality in this country's history.

15

a unique situation

by stuckinthemiddle in

jw
friends

i think i have a unique involvement with jws.

i'm not a baptized member.

my mother has been devout for over 20 years.

stuckinthemiddle

OneEyedJoe I will set some time aside to look at that page, thank you. sowhatnow, thank you for your words also. Diogenesister an RESP is a registered education savings plan.

I should have mentioned that I never plan on getting baptized. I like my marijuana and I will never give that up. I don't think I will ever marry either so I will always be considered sexually immoral. And also my mother has never been intrusive, controlling or pushy with the religion. I grew up never knowing a single thing about the bible, Jesus or God. Although I grew up knowing catholicism, protestants, anglicans, methodists, and presbyterians, I never found any truth in them and truly dislike them for their involvement with the mistreatment and attempted genocide with my native race, the trauma and intergenerational effects they bred in us. My study with the pioneer is only once every one or two months if that for the past two years But I think that if I had been taught even a little of the bible, some of the experiences of the bible characters (even though I see parts of the bible to be very violent), perhaps the first 3 decades of my life would have been different, but then again maybe not. Regardless, I appreciate what I've been reading and learned how to accept life on a more positive note. It is frustrating having the grandparents involved when they're not supposed to be. The old me was very bold and blunt, not my most attractive qualities I've been told. I'm just trying to find a peaceful resolution before I snap on them. I'll never understand my partners choice to tolerate it. Yeah, I get the whole 'its important thing to have grandparents, girls deserve that opportunity, not growing up alone. they'll learn on their own' thing, but they're his children not mine and at what cost. It seems I have a lot of research to do. I never thought I'd be delving into such madness. Any more information anyone has to give is appreciated. Thanks again.

15

a unique situation

by stuckinthemiddle in

jw
friends

i think i have a unique involvement with jws.

i'm not a baptized member.

my mother has been devout for over 20 years.

stuckinthemiddle

I think I have a unique involvement with JWs. I'm not a baptized member. My mother has been devout for over 20 years. I took never took interest, in fact her complete 180 attitude lead me to run away in my pre-teens. Coincidentally I met someone who was formally involved with JW's. He was forced into baptism way too young he said. His father who is a JW minister or elder (I'm still confused about all the levels of status and hierarchy) had him disfellowshipped for infidelity after being rushed into marriage with another congregation member when he was 19 or 20. My partner had custody of 2 children when I met him, from a relationship after his divorce, he had no family support in any sense whatsoever, and eventually I took on the adoptive mother role with pleasure. At this point, in my mid 30's, I started taking an interest in the faith. Today, I attend some meetings, even study with a pioneer on occasion. My partner has no problem with it but cautions me to be alert to their tricks. As a new student, I found the religion comforting and beautiful really. Although, I find it kind of odd that the people from the congregation I meet with and even my own mother, will clam up, put their hands together and look down at the floor whenever he is in the room. No hello, no nothing. I find it extremely rude, especially when my partner is nothing but super nice, respectful and even helps them out in some small way, and he doesn't even get a simple thank you. Yet, his witness parents have zero problems carrying on conversations with him or constantly telling him what to do, not like he listens. Here is where I'm stuck. There are witnesses I've met who are so humble and genuine, but then there are those who are flat-out pompous and arrogant. My mother is very simple and extremely brave, my partner and I have the utmost respect for her and the service she does. She ministers back on my home indian reservation which is full of destitute and desolate individuals where all kinds of evil live, a small place where murder is not uncommon. Then we have my partners parents, who live in an upscale suburb, with a garage full of classic cars, his father is so neurotic that no one can touch and if some one does it's the end of the world. His mother only lives for dinner and tea parties, waging her tongue with people with money. I've forgiven my mother for all the childhood abuse and neglect, she is a residential school survivor, and I know we are not at fault for the intergenerational trauma. She has changed for the better and devotes all her time to sharing that love and translating in our native language. But I can't help feeling resentment and bitterness towards my partners superficial parents. They spoil our children with lavish gifts all the time that usually end up being thrown out or given away by the girls themselves (our girls have grown up to be very modest and content with simpleness) and then the grandparents get very upset with us about it. They even forced themselves on our property to build a playhouse during a time when we said we were not ready for it, just so they can brag about it. We have a number of mutual acquaintances who inform us of all their boasting. I told my partners father once that if he really wanted to spend money on them, can he contribute to their RESP, to which he replied "is that really whats important?" I wanted to give a smart answer but I respectively bit my tongue. I don't talk to the mother anymore after I was embarrassed after finding out she was telling all our personal matters to people she doesn't know we know and I confronted her on it. She gave a weak apology then ran her mouth for half an hour about how she didn't do anything wrong, slipping in scriptures here and there. The hypocrisy is getting out of hand and I finally expressed as politely as possible their true actions as I see it. Well, now they avoid me like the plaque and bash about me to my partner. I've tried to reach out and even asked for their help in printing and lamenting the bible character cards I've seen on jw.org, but still haven't gotten any acknowledgement. Instead of cards, they get fairy wings and vampire dolls with indecent clothes and too much make-up. It's getting to the point where I want absolutely nothing to do the faith, as much as that will devastate my mother. And not only that, I'm getting pushed over the edge with their ridiculousness, my partner and I are not married, and his parents constant sanctimonious involvement in our lives has been making me think of leaving. It's all so sad and frustrating. I don't know what to do and I don't know who else to talk to. Any words of support or advice would be nice. Thank you.