a unique situation

stuckinthemiddle

I think I have a unique involvement with JWs. I'm not a baptized member. My mother has been devout for over 20 years. I took never took interest, in fact her complete 180 attitude lead me to run away in my pre-teens. Coincidentally I met someone who was formally involved with JW's. He was forced into baptism way too young he said. His father who is a JW minister or elder (I'm still confused about all the levels of status and hierarchy) had him disfellowshipped for infidelity after being rushed into marriage with another congregation member when he was 19 or 20. My partner had custody of 2 children when I met him, from a relationship after his divorce, he had no family support in any sense whatsoever, and eventually I took on the adoptive mother role with pleasure. At this point, in my mid 30's, I started taking an interest in the faith. Today, I attend some meetings, even study with a pioneer on occasion. My partner has no problem with it but cautions me to be alert to their tricks. As a new student, I found the religion comforting and beautiful really. Although, I find it kind of odd that the people from the congregation I meet with and even my own mother, will clam up, put their hands together and look down at the floor whenever he is in the room. No hello, no nothing. I find it extremely rude, especially when my partner is nothing but super nice, respectful and even helps them out in some small way, and he doesn't even get a simple thank you. Yet, his witness parents have zero problems carrying on conversations with him or constantly telling him what to do, not like he listens. Here is where I'm stuck. There are witnesses I've met who are so humble and genuine, but then there are those who are flat-out pompous and arrogant. My mother is very simple and extremely brave, my partner and I have the utmost respect for her and the service she does. She ministers back on my home indian reservation which is full of destitute and desolate individuals where all kinds of evil live, a small place where murder is not uncommon. Then we have my partners parents, who live in an upscale suburb, with a garage full of classic cars, his father is so neurotic that no one can touch and if some one does it's the end of the world. His mother only lives for dinner and tea parties, waging her tongue with people with money. I've forgiven my mother for all the childhood abuse and neglect, she is a residential school survivor, and I know we are not at fault for the intergenerational trauma. She has changed for the better and devotes all her time to sharing that love and translating in our native language. But I can't help feeling resentment and bitterness towards my partners superficial parents. They spoil our children with lavish gifts all the time that usually end up being thrown out or given away by the girls themselves (our girls have grown up to be very modest and content with simpleness) and then the grandparents get very upset with us about it. They even forced themselves on our property to build a playhouse during a time when we said we were not ready for it, just so they can brag about it. We have a number of mutual acquaintances who inform us of all their boasting. I told my partners father once that if he really wanted to spend money on them, can he contribute to their RESP, to which he replied "is that really whats important?" I wanted to give a smart answer but I respectively bit my tongue. I don't talk to the mother anymore after I was embarrassed after finding out she was telling all our personal matters to people she doesn't know we know and I confronted her on it. She gave a weak apology then ran her mouth for half an hour about how she didn't do anything wrong, slipping in scriptures here and there. The hypocrisy is getting out of hand and I finally expressed as politely as possible their true actions as I see it. Well, now they avoid me like the plaque and bash about me to my partner. I've tried to reach out and even asked for their help in printing and lamenting the bible character cards I've seen on jw.org, but still haven't gotten any acknowledgement. Instead of cards, they get fairy wings and vampire dolls with indecent clothes and too much make-up. It's getting to the point where I want absolutely nothing to do the faith, as much as that will devastate my mother. And not only that, I'm getting pushed over the edge with their ridiculousness, my partner and I are not married, and his parents constant sanctimonious involvement in our lives has been making me think of leaving. It's all so sad and frustrating. I don't know what to do and I don't know who else to talk to. Any words of support or advice would be nice. Thank you.

FayeDunaway

'Mom, I love you, but I don't love your religion and I'm sorry if this lets you down. I'll be there for you no matter what.'....and don't worry about anything else. Your partner's parents, who cares what they think.

OneEyedJoe

It sounds like you're not in much risk of being taken in by this cult, but I would still recommend that you (and your partner) take a look at jwfacts.com to see what JWs won't tell you about the organization, and much of what JWs themselves aren't told about the organization. Things like the religion's history that are hidden from you as you are pushed towards conversion. It's not a healthy religion by a long shot. Please be careful.

Barrold Bonds

what does any of this have to do with Prince's death?

FayeDunaway

Lol @ Barrold

LisaRose

All religions have some crazy people in them, but I truly think the JWs are worse than most. It's an extreme religion, and it doesn't seem to bring out the best in people. If you join it will only get worse for you because you will be in a group of people like that. There are much better religions out there if you feel you must belong to a religion. It sounds like you have good values in your own.

His parents sound like loons, how sad for you all. Limit your association with them set firm boundaries and stick to them.

sowhatnow

oh, the colliding of two economic 'cultures'. yea your absolutely right, you know in your gut its time to leave. If you deny that youll regret it. dont let the fear grip you. its really not all that hard if you can just keep real busy and just fade away. I wish that could be the way for you. get the load of bricks off your back so you can stand up strait and see the sunny road you need to walk on.

yes its difficult. so sorry your feeling so stressed. nothings easy these days.

seems like unfortunately both extended famiiies are is causing needless drama and its frustrating your efforts to raise the children and have a relationship in peace. I guess thats what happends when people are bored, they try to control the lives of others. lol as long as you let them control you, they will.

Its a shame you cant move far enough away so you dont have this influence in your life.

yes, we all have dealt with religious hypocrites . Im my exp,

They 'push out' the undesired ones by causing hurt feelings guilt and ignoring you,

and love bomb the ones they want to keep in 'the fold'.

if your not contributing to thier 'numbers' and meeting thier 'goals' your as good as useless. It has nothing to do with the bible. neither of you will ever meet up to thier standards no matter how hard you try, and you will go crazy. you cannot let these people get to you. your never going to be happy jumping through all those hoops. you just eventually break.

you have first hand experienced how people truly are, despite the claim of a 'true faith'. so many of them are like meddling control freaks, lol

Your not baptised, lucky you, never do it. you can simply stop going to thier meetings, and read a bible in peace if you want. as for your partner, Im wishing he could also break free from he strangle hold his family has on him emotionally. seems to me,

he doesnt feel worthy of them and is hurting himself trying to break down the wall they put up. he wants to prove to them in another way that hes a decent human worthy of Gods attention, and he is.

but in thier eyes, he wont win. he is dealing with co dependant relationships. his parents seem to depend on needing to control his thinking.lol

hes right to warn you,he doesnt want to be like them and boss you around, but hes concerned and wants you to have your own thinking mind, not thiers.

your a family unit, you dont need anyone elses misguided 'love', Id be too busy with my own family to be letting all that nonsense upset me. I wish you peace.

steve2

It is very hard reading one continuous paragraph.

Try breaking up your comments into several

paragraphs to make them more readable.

I dare say that, if you yourself came across one very, very long paragraph, you probably wouldn't be drawn to reading it.

I started reading and got distracted by your one very long paragraph.

Diogenesister

What is RESP please?

You sound like wonderful person, with good ethics - you don't need a cult to tell you how to raise your lovely girls. You have seen their fruits - the cruel shunning of your partner. It will only get worse, if you get baptised they will expect you to leave your partner...and therefore the kids too, because he is disfellowshipped. These people look forward to the horrible deaths of billions of people..including your partner and his kids, how is that loving??? They prey on the lonely, the addicted, the lost and the poor...your mother is recruiting for a publishing company turned property developers. Please read JWfacts.com and find out the TRUTH ABOUT THE TRUTH. Your girls will not be safe as paedophilia is rife amoung the org, check out the ARC online please.

stuckinthemiddle

OneEyedJoe I will set some time aside to look at that page, thank you. sowhatnow, thank you for your words also. Diogenesister an RESP is a registered education savings plan.

I should have mentioned that I never plan on getting baptized. I like my marijuana and I will never give that up. I don't think I will ever marry either so I will always be considered sexually immoral. And also my mother has never been intrusive, controlling or pushy with the religion. I grew up never knowing a single thing about the bible, Jesus or God. Although I grew up knowing catholicism, protestants, anglicans, methodists, and presbyterians, I never found any truth in them and truly dislike them for their involvement with the mistreatment and attempted genocide with my native race, the trauma and intergenerational effects they bred in us. My study with the pioneer is only once every one or two months if that for the past two years But I think that if I had been taught even a little of the bible, some of the experiences of the bible characters (even though I see parts of the bible to be very violent), perhaps the first 3 decades of my life would have been different, but then again maybe not. Regardless, I appreciate what I've been reading and learned how to accept life on a more positive note. It is frustrating having the grandparents involved when they're not supposed to be. The old me was very bold and blunt, not my most attractive qualities I've been told. I'm just trying to find a peaceful resolution before I snap on them. I'll never understand my partners choice to tolerate it. Yeah, I get the whole 'its important thing to have grandparents, girls deserve that opportunity, not growing up alone. they'll learn on their own' thing, but they're his children not mine and at what cost. It seems I have a lot of research to do. I never thought I'd be delving into such madness. Any more information anyone has to give is appreciated. Thanks again.

a unique situation

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