why is it so tuff to make a JW women think
Because they are taught not to think by the WTS.
I'll let that inflmmatory statement settle in while I acknowledge what you and others in this thread have said: It's hard for any of us, of either gender, to make this mental change. Patience and persistence are key.
Now back to my statement. Here's why I said that:
1. "Independent thinking" is outlawed for all. What do you have when independent thinking is discouraged as a tool of Satan? Right, all you have left is dependent thinking.
2. Wives are told to be subject to their husband. They are told that if they have to correct their husband, to phrase it in a question, so as not to be seen as rebellious. Under no circumstances are they to correct other brothers.
3. They are not allowed to teach the congregation, but have to face each other in school talks. The message received is: I am not qualified to teach others.
4. They are not supposed to answer certain types of questions in the Watchtower study, questions that only elders (and maybe M.S.) are supposed to raise their hand for.
When you take a culture like this, the message is clear: My thoughts are not as valuable as a man's. From there, it can be a short leap to: Why should I think? Unless they are strong-minded enough to resist the propaganda.
With your wife, I would suggest counteracting the mental programming she has absorbed by encouraging her to think independently. Praise her when she stands on her own. Help her to fight the mental abuse that women experience within the WTS. Help her to see she is of value, her opinions are of value, and her thoughts are of value. Maybe then she will learn to trust her thoughts and not fight them.
Remember, this is not the way I view women, but the way the WTS does. It seems obvious to me that the thoughts of all humans are equally of value. Sadly, the WTS does not agree.