Why are JW women so loyal to the Borg?

beroea

During the last ½ year I have been doing a lot of research about mainly the chronology of JW about the year 1914. My family are still in and very active and I serve still as elder. My research has make me dropped the whole chronology about the year 1914 and also the authorities of DFS/GB. So today only basis Christians values are intact.

I have been discussing this research with my wife many times. She is very clever and also high educated at the university so her brain is OK. But it has shown to be very difficult to make her use it concerning JW doctrine. It seems that she forget all the things she has learned about to let facts speak for it self. Sometimes she seems to get to some conclusions but the next day she flip flop back to normal JW thinking and become angry. It seems that she doesn’t hear my words for what they are.

I try to go gentle forward without making any kind of statement about leaving because I want my family to be intact and love my wife and kids very much. I have been inside the Borg for almost 25 year so a little times more or les doesn't borrow me. But its still very hard for me to accept my wife not using her brain when I do know she has a very good one.

Have some of you have similar experience and why is it so tuff to make a JW women think (of course it can be hard to make a man think as well). So what’s the way to make a wife (or husband) use the brain and face reality and facts? I don’t expect an easy way - just a way.

Beroea

AuSet

It doesn't matter what sex a person is, the loyalty will still exist.
The fact is that some people have a deeply driven need to be within the security of a "mothering" organization which answers all the questions for them.
I have tried several times to raise the same questions with my family, and in particular, my sister, who is also college educated. However, she will continue on without questioning things, and will ignore my views as "apostate." Why? Because if she were to believe the evidence about the organization that I present to her, that would threaten the very existence of her being. She does not know her identity apart from the Borg and has no wish to seperate from the organization that gives her this identity.
My advice is to think about your wife's past family history and come up with an explanation for this behavior. Does your wife tend to deal with problems as they arise, or does she cover over them? Perhaps making her realize her identity outside of the organization will help. Don't push your views on her, just leave an open door, so that if she has a question, she can come to you.

OrangeBlossom

It is a very slow process to help someone see things differently. But, my personal opinion is that women are by nature, more loyal than men. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule but in most cases, I think women will stick by someone or something even if it is flawed. Men are more practical and logical, therefore, when they see something wrong, they are more apt to change.

Be patient with your wife. My husband started doubting long before I did. I used to get so upset with him for missing a meeting, resorting to not speaking to him for days. Finally, little bits and pieces of things he said, as well as things my father had said in the past, began to sink in. Our brains are like computers that store these bits of information. Eventually, it links together and causes us to stop and think about things. In my case, too many things just did not add up anymore.

As I said before, it is a very slow process. Be patient. Just keep dropping pieces of information to her. If she is as smart as you say, it will all fit together someday and she will hopefully come around to your way of thinking.

Another thing about women...they like to put down roots. She has devoted a lot of time, energy and emotion to this religion. She probably is not ready to dig them up and start over with making new friends.

OB

DB

OB, I must agree. For women, it seems that, in general, the puting down of roots and feeling of security may indeed be a major factor.

Also, what you said about being angry at your husband for missing a meeting struck a cord with me. Lately, I find myself going to some meetings without my wife (long story), but I noticed that it was easy to get irritated at her if she did not wish to go. And I began thinking, why? Why should I be irritated? That attitude is not Christian, and yet, because I was afraid of what others would say/think, I found myself getting irritated.

OrangeBlossom

"Because if she were to believe the evidence about the organization that I present to her, that would threaten the very existence of her being. She does not know her identity apart from the Borg and has no wish to seperate from the organization that gives her this identity."

That is soooooo true of so many people I know. Being a witness means isolating yourself from anyone not a witness. That is why it is important for anyone considering leaving to start making friends on the outside and gradually get involved in other things besides the witnesses.

For Bereoa, maybe you can find some kind of activity for you and your wife to get involved in where you can meet nice non-witness people. If she sees others outside the congregation as being Christian, perhaps she will open up to what you are sharing.

Growing up in the borg, and even those that come in at a later age, are all conditioned to believe that anyone not a witness is evil. I work for a couple that are Southern Baptists and they have better morals and genuine kindness than most of the witnesses I have ever known. They are always looking for ways to help others in need.

outnfree

Beroea,

Your wife is hearing you. But I think she is also feeling, "Say it ain't so!"

How long have you been researching and sharing? Only 6 months? It took me much longer than that to come to grips with the big one: that the Organization which claimed to be God's just wasn't. (I am an ex-JW woman, btw.) And you must remember that it was YOU that was motivated to search, not her. It's almost like being an addict (I was a smoker before becoming a witness): you have to WANT -- on your own -- to quit, otherwise despite knowing rationally that your drug of choice is ruining your health, making others around you miserable, etc., etc., nothing anybody else says can make you quit.
The Borg has been her/your/my "drug" of choice for years. It made us feel good -- we had a high that few others did.

I think AuSet made a very important point, too. After so much invested in the Organization, who are we apart from it? Scary thought for many. The way we isolate ourselves from society as Witnesses, thinking of ourselves as so special because of our "Witnessness", what happens to our identities when we voluntarily let that go? WHO ARE WE if we are not Jehovah's people? And, unfortunately, all the brainwashing that goes into making the average Witness equate the Organization with Jehovah God himself, makes the thought of leaving the Organization equal to leaving Jehovah God! Indeed, that's what they will tell anyone exiting voluntarily -- you are leaving Jehovah. Which needn't be the case at all. Serving God has nothing to do with serving the Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society.

I think by now that you are clear on that. Unless/until your wife wants to know things will be trying for you. At this point she doesn't want to 'hear your words for what they are!'

Have you read Amazing's paper on how to extract your family from the Borg? You can find it through www.freeminds.org. That might be a gentle way to extract her, while you continue your regular routine as a Witness (and being the spiritual head, you get to lead the family studies!).

If your children are good little Witnesses with only other Witness children for friends, that is a real problem, too. Their social world will collapse. Now when they come to you with requests to join Little League, or dance, or the school play, you might wish to allow them to do so -- so that they can build a world outside the Tower.

This is also something you might wish to do with your wife. Spending time together on non-JW pursuits. Is there a social cause that you both agree on where you could become [low-key, you ARE JW's after all!] activists? Or serving on the PTA at school? So that the two of you can 'widen out' into the general populace? (There are SO many GENUINELY NICE, caring people out there!)

I don't have any miracle advice for you, Beroea, but with love, PATIENCE, and kindness, I DO think you have hope...

I wish you and yours the very best,

outnfree

I obviously hadn't seen OrangeBlossom's and DB's posts when I composed the above.

outnfree

beroea

Doesn't matter. Your comments were very good. Thanks

Beroea

beroea

I still think there are different between man and women. Women seem to be more loyal and stick to their basis even it shows to be evil and false. Wife very often stays with her man beating them and handle them in a bad way. I think we have the same reaction inside JW. Some stay no matter what.

Men very often if things turns the bad way just react: I don’t care and go my own way – they are all stupid. Women are more loyal but sometimes too much.

It’s not to say women are naive just to say they are more loyal.

beroea

Thanks for your post. I’ll try to be patience

beroea

Why are JW women so loyal to the Borg?

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