James jack, you are at the beginning of the healing process , one day when it finally dawns on you that you were Jw clergy class who religiously misled sheep with JW doctrine, it will scare you to the core knowing that some will waste their whole life on a religious lie . It's this conscience that turns people into avid apostates .
There is no justice in the Jw judicial process, kids have killed themselves after JC . I can hear the pain as to the injustices toward you , but think of the lowly publishers that got shafted in various ways , told to marry only in the lord which meant sisters never having children, male bread winners convinced not to further education , children not enjoying competitive sports , the list is endless.
As to Christian love, don't attend meetings for a while and tell me how many friends you have, you will find solace on this forum welcome.