I want to be clear. I am not JW, nor is my intention to be disrespectful to JW, or make any opinion towards it. I respect all religions and believe nobody has a right to disrespect another's beliefs. I will be respectful and hope in my honesty I don't offend.
I searched for an answer to, how JW, view, or react, or handle infidelity. There is a reason, and it's one that I guess I'm looking for b/c the topic touched my life, and I can only stay connected by asking questions.
"The heart wants what the heart wants."
I became involved with a young lady that I later found out was/is JW. We meet at work. She was/is married (this I knew). I was attracted to her, and flirted. When I saw she was married (ring), I retreated with with my advances respectfully and we became friends. We'd talk at work liked, and commented on fb stuff. We shared videos, music, etc. and we would sometimes talk via message apps.
It was innocent enough. I never asked if her husband knew anything about us being friends, I didn't hide anything from anyone. Too me there was nothing to hide. We're both adults and I never would have thought to ask if he knew who I was. To me we were friends. It wasn't like flirty or dirty in any way. We spoke as much as I spoke w/ any of my friends.
I'll cut this down some.
Over time, it did turn into flirty and she'd tell me things about her marriage being a unhappy one. Stories of him being unfaithful and how they hadn'tt slept together for more than 6 months. She was afraid of him and she didn't see it laying much longer.
Ok, I know that red flags should have been popping up and they were. To understand more you'd really need to know more about me.
We began an affair that, I thought and believed 100% , that had a future. (I know, I know) Looking back, I'd have done things different. I wanted us to come clean, and help her get out of what I believed to be a dangerous situation.
Another shortcut...
It lasted about 5 months, and she broke my heart. I'd never been with anyone I could feel like as I did with her. .
Just short of a year and a half passed(1.4 months) and we finally began to actually look at one another again. I missed her terribly. I had a train wreck of another short relationship that left me weary and broken down. Then, she asked if we could talk. She apologized, said she couldn't bare to not have me in her life.
What can I say? I jumped at the chance. I needed...... Idk. I just needed her. No promises of her having a divorce. She was still completely unhappy but couldn't bare the thought of putting her children through that. I know how wrong it was. I know I'm to blame every bit as much this time. I am well aware, trust me.
Anyway.... 4 months, and gone.
I have no place for forgiveness any longer. I only wish I didn't have to see her at work. I have a good job that I've worked hard to get to.
I'm sorry about telling that here now that I see there is not any question or answer in my writing.
Once again it's the searching that keeps me connected to the memories of how I feel when I was together with her. Believe me when I say that, "It wasn't the sex". It was all the other stuff. Honesty (atleast in my part), trust, calmness, it's like everything slowed down when I was involved with her. There was much more, than just, what everyone thinks. IDK...
Anyway, she's JW, which is just another thing I knew about her and asking the searching the question I did and writing all this somehow makes me feel....