Posts by Serena

50

I FEEL SO USED

by Serena in

i have been "fooling around" with brother charlie for a couple months.

going to his apartment and spending the night with him.

i am so in love with him, i would do anything for him, anything at all.

Serena

I can't just turn my heart off like a light bulb.

50

I FEEL SO USED

by Serena in

i have been "fooling around" with brother charlie for a couple months.

going to his apartment and spending the night with him.

i am so in love with him, i would do anything for him, anything at all.

Serena

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHY IT IS SO BAD FOR A WITNESS TO DATE SOMEONE WHO IS NOT??????????????????????????????PLEASE EXPLAIN.

50

I FEEL SO USED

by Serena in

i have been "fooling around" with brother charlie for a couple months.

going to his apartment and spending the night with him.

i am so in love with him, i would do anything for him, anything at all.

We spent last night together, and did not have sex, we just watched tv, read, and talked all night long. He told me that I am his best friend and soul mate. He said something that shocked me, "you know, if we got married, nobody could stop us from being together." He then went on that he needs a change in his life, and that I'm the only person that he feels he can be himself with. He is really confusing me, one day he tells me it is wrong for us to be together, the next day he talks about marriage.
We are both in our mid/late 20's. We've gone out on dates to the movies, or dinner, at night. And we've gone on day trips out of town to visit museums and zoo's. I knew his parents before I knew who he was, and they like me, but they don't know the vivid details of our relationship,they think we've just friends. Today he asked me to go to a reptile exhibit later on next month, which would be a weekend trip.
And we don't just get together and get naked, we talk and talk, watch video's, he cooks for me, we go on long car rides, we talk on the phone for hours. I like who he is on the inside more than what he looks like on the outside.
Although, I have to admit, and maybe I'm just a nympho, who should just close my legs and stop being immoral, I like having sex with him, he is excellent. He touches me in places I never knew existed. And their are nights, he calls me and I go over and all we do is make love. I can't say no, I don't want to say no...but their is more here than just great sex. I feel it when I look into his eyes.
But I still feel used, it matters so much to him what the sisters and brothers in his congregation think of him, and his actions, and he doesn't want them to find out that he is involved with me. To be a good role model for them to follow????that hurt me that I come second. Yes, I do feel hysterical, I am hurt, but at the same time trying to hold on to him anyway I can. Tomorrow, I'm gonna tell him that we need to have a long talk about if we have any kind of future. As much as I love him, I can't live on pins and needles anymore. The truth is I have made huge sacrifices for him, what has he done for me?
I'm not 16 yrs old, but being with him, makes me feel that way.

50

I FEEL SO USED

by Serena in

i have been "fooling around" with brother charlie for a couple months.

going to his apartment and spending the night with him.

i am so in love with him, i would do anything for him, anything at all.

Serena

I am in love with him, I am sorry, but I can't dump him and I can't stay away, the only thing I want to do is be with him, any way I can. Deep down I know he cares about me. He's risking a lot by us sneaking around like we are, if we got caught, he'd be in big trouble with the elders. I don't know what this means for a JW guy in his late 20's but he said he was a virgin before he met me. I believe him. I know I am gullible.

50

I FEEL SO USED

by Serena in

i have been "fooling around" with brother charlie for a couple months.

going to his apartment and spending the night with him.

i am so in love with him, i would do anything for him, anything at all.

Serena

Tonight, he called me and asked me to do him a favor, that there's nobody else he can trust...He's going away for 4 days to see his brother in Maryland and wants me to take care of his Gecko. He's giving me the keys to his apartment, and told me I could hang on to them for awhile. Guess what I said--I agreed. I am putty in his hands, all I have to do is hear his voice and I have no control over my actions or responses.

But he did ask me to come over to show me how to take care of his lizard. I told him that I have to work very early tomorrow and for him to write down everything I need to know, that I seen him feed her before and know what has to be done. So.....I guess I did say no!!!!
He also said that he would miss me, and would like to say goodbye. But I resisted! Although now I am thinking about picking up the phone and well, going over. I would love to just lay next to him and hear his heartbeat.

50

I FEEL SO USED

by Serena in

i have been "fooling around" with brother charlie for a couple months.

going to his apartment and spending the night with him.

i am so in love with him, i would do anything for him, anything at all.

Serena

I know he really did or does care about me, he said to me that he has never done something like this before in his life, and I am stupid enough to believe him. But now he's shutting me out of his life, because of the religion that has been embedded in his gulible head. I am not ready yet to try to get over him, actually yeah he is like a drug and I am addicted way out of control. I guess, I lost him to Jehovah, if I dare say that.....
Is it really that bad to be involved with a worldly person in this faith, I mean isn't one of the big things in this religion to "gain converts"?
Yeah, I definitely need a good therapist. But right at this moment I need Charlie more. And I know deep down, he needs me too.

50

I FEEL SO USED

by Serena in

i have been "fooling around" with brother charlie for a couple months.

going to his apartment and spending the night with him.

i am so in love with him, i would do anything for him, anything at all.

Serena

I have been "fooling around" with brother charlie for a couple months. Going to his apartment and spending the night with him. I am so in love with him, I would do anything for him, anything at all. I have never felt this way about anyone before in my life. But he has totally broken my heart. He told me that he couldn't do this anymore, that he has a responsibility to his brothers and sisters and what we've been doing is wrong, blah, blah, blah...I gave all of myself to him, because I thought he cared. I don't know if he ever cared, or if I was just a warm body. He says we can still be friends, but nothing more. I have never felt so used in my life. This isn't the first time he's told me that, he always seemed to call me up in the middle of the night and ask me to come over, stupid me--I can't say no, so I go over, and we have sex. He is really making me crazy, I am so hurt, but if he called me tonight, I would be there in a heartbeat. I don't know what to do. He is really messing with my mind. I would give up everything for him.

28

ARE WE FRIENDS OR ARE WE MORE?

by Serena in

i am so confused about this guy that i have been secretly talking to on the phone and secretly going to his apartment(only at nighttime).

he is a jw, ofcourse--if he wasn't i'm sure i would not have this confusion.

he flirts with me,touches me an chance he gets(on the shoulder or the knee) and i know he likes me more than friendship(or maybe he doesn't, who knows?).

Serena

You are not gonna believe this...I went to his apartment monday night, and he made the move on ME!!!!! It was the most incredible, most passionate night of my life. He touched me in places I never been touched before. It seemed like a fantasy. He said he wanted to wake up beside me in the morning. I was in ecstasy! Then the next day he said that we couldn't do that anymore, that he couldn't live with himself mentally if he allowed it to happen again. Well, he called me that night and asked me to come over that he had a surprise for me, well, me not being able to say no to him, went over for another night of bliss. Then again the next day, guess what he said??????????? That we can't, and if he gets weak for me to resist his temptation. Hello, I can't say no to him, I am in love with him now more than ever.
He still wants to go to that movie with me, and now he's talking about going to malls, book stores, zoo's, so of course I am again confused. What the hell do I think? What do I do? He wants me to come over again tonight, it's 11 pm.
Somebody help me!!!!

28

ARE WE FRIENDS OR ARE WE MORE?

by Serena in

i am so confused about this guy that i have been secretly talking to on the phone and secretly going to his apartment(only at nighttime).

he is a jw, ofcourse--if he wasn't i'm sure i would not have this confusion.

he flirts with me,touches me an chance he gets(on the shoulder or the knee) and i know he likes me more than friendship(or maybe he doesn't, who knows?).

Serena

I asked him today, what if someone sees us when we go out to the movie, he said we'll have to be incognito. Of course I am sure it will be at night, since I know he's scared to be seen with me during the daylight. I should probably be upset that I am being kept a secret from his world, but I'm not, actually it makes it more exciting--right now anyway.
He is such a sweetheart, he is innocent and naive like a little boy, and I really think I might be like some kind of game to him. That should probably bother me too.
I have liked him for a very long time, and it's taken me months to get this close to him. I got into an accident, and missed work and he was the first person to call me AT MIDNIGHT cuz he was worried about me. So, I guess that should be a hint to me that he likes me maybe more than friends, still I am confused.
My aunt is a witness, so maybe he precieves me not so threatening, I don't know. He doesn't attend the meeting very regularly, so I guess he's thought to be spiritual weak, I think that's what they call it...
Thanks for your help, I sure would welcome any more insight, for I need all the help I can get.
Question: next time I go over to his apartment, should I make a move on him? Something subtle, maybe?

28

ARE WE FRIENDS OR ARE WE MORE?

by Serena in

i am so confused about this guy that i have been secretly talking to on the phone and secretly going to his apartment(only at nighttime).

he is a jw, ofcourse--if he wasn't i'm sure i would not have this confusion.

he flirts with me,touches me an chance he gets(on the shoulder or the knee) and i know he likes me more than friendship(or maybe he doesn't, who knows?).

Serena

I am so confused about this guy that I have been secretly talking to on the phone and secretly going to his apartment(only at nighttime). He is a JW, ofcourse--if he wasn't I'm sure I would not have this confusion. He flirts with me,touches me an chance he gets(on the shoulder or the knee) and I know he likes me more than friendship(or maybe he doesn't, who knows?). And we talk on the phone for hours, he calls me a 1:00 am to talk. He always wants me to come over, and now he asked me to go to a movie(I just can't tell anybody about it). He is a sweetheart, and we have more in common than I have ever had with anyone else BUT he is a JW, and he is scared that someone in his congregation would see us in the daylight and tell the elders. My other problem is that I think I am falling in love with him, I am afraid to confront him with his true feelings for me, cuz when he first met he said he doesn't date outside the religion. But now he asked me out to a movie, and dinner, so what the hell do I think? I am so confused. I don't want to loose him in my life and if I have to just remain friends with him, I will take what I can get, but I know if I ask him what is really happening I will loose him, I just know it. How do I know in this strange religion if he really does like me more than just friends, is there some code. I just can't read him, if you know what I mean. Someone please help, I really am lost...