ARE WE FRIENDS OR ARE WE MORE?

Serena

I am so confused about this guy that I have been secretly talking to on the phone and secretly going to his apartment(only at nighttime). He is a JW, ofcourse--if he wasn't I'm sure I would not have this confusion. He flirts with me,touches me an chance he gets(on the shoulder or the knee) and I know he likes me more than friendship(or maybe he doesn't, who knows?). And we talk on the phone for hours, he calls me a 1:00 am to talk. He always wants me to come over, and now he asked me to go to a movie(I just can't tell anybody about it). He is a sweetheart, and we have more in common than I have ever had with anyone else BUT he is a JW, and he is scared that someone in his congregation would see us in the daylight and tell the elders. My other problem is that I think I am falling in love with him, I am afraid to confront him with his true feelings for me, cuz when he first met he said he doesn't date outside the religion. But now he asked me out to a movie, and dinner, so what the hell do I think? I am so confused. I don't want to loose him in my life and if I have to just remain friends with him, I will take what I can get, but I know if I ask him what is really happening I will loose him, I just know it. How do I know in this strange religion if he really does like me more than just friends, is there some code. I just can't read him, if you know what I mean. Someone please help, I really am lost...

butalbee

I wish I could give you some advice, that would honestly help. They confuse the hell out of me too! I just take each day with a grain of salt and see what happens. Just take it slow and just enjoy your friendship with this person. If he is talking to you and inviting you to his place, etc, etc, I would say that that is a good indication that you have definitely gotten his attention, but what his intentions are with you, I doubt he even knows...Ask Jehovah--see what he thinks! I'm joking now....Just take it slow, maybe it will grow into something more, maybe it won't. Only time can tell.

sophie

Hello, im so glad you have written this because im in exactly the same situation . Do you find that he blows hot and cold, sometimes you think that he feels strongly about you and the next you feel your just friends. Because of this im trying to distance myself from him and although its difficult im trying to stay just friends and im making sure that i spend time with lots of different people to take my mind off him.

RedhorseWoman

None of you will like what I have to say, but it's best that you know.

It sounds as if this JW is definitely getting interested. However, if he is a good JW, his first loyalties are to the WTBTS. You may be given an opportunity to become a JW--in which case he will continue the relationship. However, if you decide that you do not wish to be a JW and get baptised, he will most likely drop you.

In any contest between true love and "Mother", "Mother" will always win.

Bridgette

Hello, girls. I'm sorry, but I have to agree with RHW. "Mother", that is what some Jehovah's Witnesses's affectionately call the Watchtower bible and tract society--their parent corporation, will win, if they have to chose.
Yes, Serena, he probably has very strong feelings for you if he's gone so far as to invite you to a movie! But make no mistake, he will eventually have to chose between you or his religion. Likely he will chose his religion, if he cannot get you to convert. And the pressure will be VERY GREAT to get you to convert. On that front, one of 2 things you will encounter: either his congregation will love bomb you and make you feel oh-so-welcome when they meet you in the hope of converting you, or they will treat you with coldness; as a dirty outsider trying to corrupt one of their "sheep" (that's what they call adherants). This "religion" has every mark of a cult, and demands total devotion from its adherants. He's probably so torn right now. The normal person cannot relate to this. They cannot understand the power that this group of people can have over an individual. In fact, he's existing on two levels--an individual who's falling in love, when he's with you (normal, for maybe the first time in his life), and then he is the cog in the collective, when he is with his group. If he grew up this way, it is all he's ever known. He will feel the need to assimilate you into this group in order for you to be acceptable. Believe me, I was once in his very position! My religion won, that time. But I claimed my identity and left the cult, eventually. I am now married to my soulmate and best friend. *sigh*
Good luck to you all.
Love,
Bridgette

Christina77

I think they enjoy confusing us, and welcome to the club of those involved with one in some way or another. Just believe me, the confusion will never end. Confront him NOW! don't let it build up inside you, you will only get hurt more.

Good luck

Serena

I asked him today, what if someone sees us when we go out to the movie, he said we'll have to be incognito. Of course I am sure it will be at night, since I know he's scared to be seen with me during the daylight. I should probably be upset that I am being kept a secret from his world, but I'm not, actually it makes it more exciting--right now anyway.
He is such a sweetheart, he is innocent and naive like a little boy, and I really think I might be like some kind of game to him. That should probably bother me too.
I have liked him for a very long time, and it's taken me months to get this close to him. I got into an accident, and missed work and he was the first person to call me AT MIDNIGHT cuz he was worried about me. So, I guess that should be a hint to me that he likes me maybe more than friends, still I am confused.
My aunt is a witness, so maybe he precieves me not so threatening, I don't know. He doesn't attend the meeting very regularly, so I guess he's thought to be spiritual weak, I think that's what they call it...
Thanks for your help, I sure would welcome any more insight, for I need all the help I can get.
Question: next time I go over to his apartment, should I make a move on him? Something subtle, maybe?

butalbee

Make a move on him? Think really hard before doing that, that could jepardize your friendship. Look deep into his eyes, tell me what you see. You can tell a lot about a person with eye contact. You can see inside their soul, if you really look...

I think he does like you, but is afraid to admit to himself, that he does. Witnesses aren't suppose to date or even think of dating worldly people(you){non-witness}. So for him to ask you to the movies is a step in a positive direction. Just don't get crazy and do something stupid. TAKE IT SLOW.

Christina77

As butalbee said, take it slow. Even though you want to move onto a more involved relationship, you have to leave it up to him to make the first move... even though he has made gestures such as touching your leg, you really have let him.

With my boyfriend I didn't know he was a witness until we had been dating and very intimate for almost a year and a half. And when we were first dating I couldn't wait to "jump" him, and I don't regret it one bit that I made the first move. I had waited 6 months to meet him and we talked every day, if I didn't see him online I missed him. As to the PDA's, he has no problem with that... he is a very affectionate man. When I found out that he was a witness, that was the first thing that popped into my head... "oh my god, what if someone saw us and what would they do to him!" Last summer we were at the mall and someone that I knew from school passed us... I haven't spoken to her in a long time and she was not someone that I wanted to be around anymore so I didn't think twice about it... Well it ends up her family are witnesses and she is a real rebel (she has 3 kids outside of wedlock)so I don't think she follows the rules too much! Well anyway, she passed us, I looked at her and did't say anything, my boyfriend turned around at the same time and the look on her face was quite puzzling. He didn't even recognize her, and I didn't know that they knew eachother. Now I know why she gave us that look. But of course she was in no position to say anything. And we weren't doing anything, we were just standing in the parking lot talking, but he was holding my daughters hand at the time. That would have been great if we were and if she had let someone know... He told me (and I wasn't happy with that) if someone finds out oh well, then that is when we will deal with it. So he is waiting for someone to find out about us, by accident. I have even went with him to get a haircut, and you know how barbers and hairstylists talk when they know you... his father goes to the same place... hmmmmm.

But seriously, stay platonic unless he wants more, and he must tell you and have it out in the open. Please, you really don't want to be in the dark like I am... If you want more info on my situation I started a post about Interfaith Relationship, butalbee has one too and if you open up your browser to all posts there are a few others that I encourage you to read.

Good Luck

Serena

You are not gonna believe this...I went to his apartment monday night, and he made the move on ME!!!!! It was the most incredible, most passionate night of my life. He touched me in places I never been touched before. It seemed like a fantasy. He said he wanted to wake up beside me in the morning. I was in ecstasy! Then the next day he said that we couldn't do that anymore, that he couldn't live with himself mentally if he allowed it to happen again. Well, he called me that night and asked me to come over that he had a surprise for me, well, me not being able to say no to him, went over for another night of bliss. Then again the next day, guess what he said??????????? That we can't, and if he gets weak for me to resist his temptation. Hello, I can't say no to him, I am in love with him now more than ever.
He still wants to go to that movie with me, and now he's talking about going to malls, book stores, zoo's, so of course I am again confused. What the hell do I think? What do I do? He wants me to come over again tonight, it's 11 pm.
Somebody help me!!!!

ARE WE FRIENDS OR ARE WE MORE?

Share this