Yes, I had entertained thoughts of suicide while trying to cope with depression on my own. A combination of therapy and meds rid me of those thoughts while the depression still comes and goes. A helpful quote I copied in my journal several years back.
We are born with the desire to stay alive. It is the most basic thing about us; we share it with all living beings. At each moment, millions of events take place inside our bodies and inside our minds that are designed to help us stay alive. Until the present, at least, the forces that are life-preserving have been stronger than the forces that are life-destroying. Many of us endured bleak periods during which inner voices cried out, "Kill yourself. Your life is nothing but pain and misery. You might as well end it all." Yet we did not die. The desire for life is pre-conscious, pre-verbal. It keeps us going even when the voices tell us to die.
We must be, at bottom, fundamentally healthy or we would not have stayed alive this long. Like all living creatures, we can heal from our injuries and our suffering. If we have a healthy environment, healthy behaviors, healthy relationships, we will recover. We need to identify our histories of trauma, abuse, neglect, grief, and loss. We need to overcome denial on all of our addictive behaviors. We need to provide ourselves with good health care. We need a safe place where we can be who we are, and be welcome. We need quiet, respectful attention as we tell our stories in as much detail and as many times as we need to.
If we get these things we will not just stay alive, but we will have good lives. Lives that are free of the curse of depression and suicidal ideation, lives that are productive and creative, lives that are filled with friendship and love.By David L. Conroy, PhD
