Hurting, thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I think you are very brave. I do understand exactly what it feels like to have a parent, a mother, take away your siblings. The pain is exactly as you described. I want you to know that your pain has shaped something very special within you, it has given you compassion and a deep understanding of what it feels like to be treated badly. These qualities I am sure has helped you become an exceptional mother. Pain has a way of shaping inner beauty. You express those qualities very clearly.
Your Mom And The Other Witness Abusers: Like you, I am new to this forum but I can tell you that it is a very caring group of people. This is what support should be. Generally speaking unless a person has a mother who is cruel and abusive it is very hard to capture that reality because it is so outside the norm. Dr. Judith Herman wrote a book on this very issue. But, it is also true that persons who are compassionate are always willing to place themselves in a victim's situation.
Your mother's cruelty is both criminal and the opposite of bible standards. The fact that your mother attracted other abusive persons who also abused you shows that she sought validation and approval from persons she respected, as crazy as that sounds. It is all about validation, control, and power.This is one of the reasons she took your siblings away. She needed to separate you from the people you loved the most in the world, to force you to yield to her. But now you have your children and a new source of love. As one person suggested to me on this forum, it is best to change all your information and cut ties.
Abusive mothers have a way of leaking into your existence. They use others to make contact. In addition to that these mothers are much more calculated and cruel in their approach to control and power because they hide behind their femininity and "motherhood." Like you, my siblings and I also experienced poly-victimization. We experienced multiple forms of abuse, from different sources, some of those people were witnesses, and yes, they helped slander us too.
The smear campaign is meant to silence you. None of these tactics are original, this is what cruel persons do. And on a much larger scale it is what happens to anyone who reports abuse in KH around the world. This is what we are learning in news stories from respected international and U.S. journalist, thousands of children, thousands of situations, and not one word about it in the magazines. Instead victims are being blamed for being participatory in the crimes against them. It's sickening.
When your mom blamed you for her depression, that served to create sympathy for her among other witnesses because the one thing witness (in general) love to do is rally around the martyr. Your mom knew this and presented herself as the victim.
What does any of this has to do with God? Absolutely nothing!!!!! These are the behavioral traditions of men and women, and those who are false followers of christ are trying to push it down the throats of victims like bad medicine. I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself against so many forces of evil. By continuing to be strong your children will follow your pattern of strength and integrity. You recognized that and took the necessary action to protect yourself and your children. How could you stay in a toxic situation with so many forces beating down on you? You acted responsibly.
In terms of writing the letter to your family, you might want to first write a very encouraging letter to yourself and in it fully acknowledge your strengths, be compassionate, loving, and kind, and supportive to you. Keep that letter with you all the time in your purse. Read it when you feel badly, doubtful, or overwhelmed. The letter replaces all the nasty things said with beautiful thoughts your brain and heart build on. I did this and it has been very helpful to me because like you I have a lot to overcome.
There are also two books I am using to help me work through my challenges. The first is Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy, and Writing To Heal.
You may find that seeking out a good therapist can be very helpful. But if you cannot afford it right now there are still other free options. Basically you have experienced so much trauma that it is not fair to yourself to go through it alone. It is very brave though and inspiring to learn how hard you have worked on your challenges. I don't want to load down this comment with information but I can comment again with some links to resources you can use now. Just let me know if you are interested.
Remember to eat to support your brain. Depression can take over and ruin your mental health but if your physical brain is healthiest it can be you can reduce the depression. This free resource from the UK has helped me use food to reduce the sadness. It is called the Mind Guide To Food.
Wishing you the very best.
