EyesOpenHeartBroken

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Posts by EyesOpenHeartBroken

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  26

  Observations from an Ex-Elder Part 1

  by doubtfull1799 in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  i was thinking about the fog model this morning, particularly about the "obligation" part.

  my mind went back to the last elders school i went to.

  one of the parts in the section on appointments was discussing how we should not place too high a bar (human standards) for brothers to try and jump over when we are considering them for appointment as a ministerial servant.

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  EyesOpenHeartBroken

  True enough. The field service hours are the bottom line to defining someone's spirituality, goodness, and worth in the org. (And money is a close second).

  I know of two kind-hearted, truly "spiritual" young pioneer sisters who decided to incorporate into their ministry looking in on the elderly. Their idea was that they kept a list and systematically visited once a week with a hot meal and encouraging words and offered to do a chore or two. These elderly ones were truly touched and appreciative. In fact, one widow mentioned that she was visited by these sisters more than her only son (he was an elder in a neighboring congregation, 10 minute drive to mom's house).

  As you might expect, a short time later the 2 pioneer sisters were reprimanded by the elders for "running a Meals on Wheels". No more looking after widows. Back to only recruiting for the org. I'm guessing the elder son from the other congregation had something to do with it.

  So, yes, I wholeheartedly agree with the OPs observations.
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  27

  A Beard Maverick

  by EyesOpenHeartBroken in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  so i went to the kh for the first time in a month, and the first brother in our congregation has grown a full beard.

  i am in a western u.s. semi-rural area in a cong with an extremely conservative and controlling elder body.

  oddly enough, it seemed like people were going out of their way to converse with him and act like they didn't notice the beard or they complimented the beard.

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  EyesOpenHeartBroken

  Thanks for all the great responses! Only surrounding JW land could there be so much discussion on men's facial hair styling. Funny how much judgement beards have brought in over the years--always a sign of a rebellious heart, LOL!
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  27

  A Beard Maverick

  by EyesOpenHeartBroken in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  so i went to the kh for the first time in a month, and the first brother in our congregation has grown a full beard.

  i am in a western u.s. semi-rural area in a cong with an extremely conservative and controlling elder body.

  oddly enough, it seemed like people were going out of their way to converse with him and act like they didn't notice the beard or they complimented the beard.

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  EyesOpenHeartBroken

  So I went to the KH for the first time in a month, and the first brother in our congregation has grown a full beard. I am in a western U.S. semi-rural area in a cong with an extremely conservative and controlling elder body. Oddly enough, it seemed like people were going out of their way to converse with him and act like they didn't notice the beard or they complimented the beard. No negative feedback, but certainly a lot of interest in it.

  Curious to see how it will develop...

  If the point of the infamous "Beard article" was to confuse and distract the rank and file, then I think WT may get some distance out of this.

  Meantime, back at headquarters....
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  40

  Wife is Awake

  by freemindfade in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  following the news of stuckinarut2, over the past few months my wife has completely mentally woken up.

  i've been meaning to post but haven't had the time.

  i saw stuckins post and i figured i'd add my news too.

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  EyesOpenHeartBroken

  So happy for you! I hope my hubby's story ends up this way too. We are wasting too much precious life on the WT illusion.
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  32

  Finally, after almost 3 years, they want to visit with me

  by StarTrekAngel in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  so i ended up going to the meeting yesterday.

  i have been absent for almost 2 months.

  my wife was also absent as long but mostly out of chance.

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  EyesOpenHeartBroken

  Just beat them at their game and take back the control. If you have conceded to the couple inviting themselves to your home "socially", then you need to own the evening.

  Insist that they come for dinner. I then would invite another family (non elder with kids) over. Pizza (or whatever sounds good) and board game or a movie. Keep it casual, fun, and kid centric. Be as gracious as ever and act oblivious to the reason they asked to come over. The key to this working is DO NOT tell the original couple you invited the other family or they may bail and try to reschedule.

  As nice as they seem, they are pulling a power play on you. Many JWs employ this tactic on bible students, return visits, and inactives and are clueless how to extremely rude this is. If the tables were turned and you invited your family to THEIR house on YOUR timetable, I guarantee they would be taken aback. If they really just missed your company and wanted to "socialize", they would invite you to their home or to go out to eat.

  They want the upper hand in the uncomfortable "encouragement" they are going to offer you. They probably have a vision of you and your wife having a heart to heart with them, breaking down in tears, and expressing your extreme appreciation for their care. Then in this touching moment, you pledge your allegiance to the Org and they pledge to continue helping (pestering) you.

  Don't offer any excuse/reason for your absence in JW stuff. The best is if you act like you don't even notice you are inactive. Keep it super light hearted and fun--and don't let the kids go off into another room--keeps things chaotic and not too deep. You will derail their plans.

  Remember--it's YOUR home. Don't give over your power. Just keep telling yourself everything is AWESOME!
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  22

  So.....Blended VS Single Malt

  by ctrwtf in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  just wondering.

  for you scotch lovers, i've been partial to singles for a long time, but was recently given a bottle of johnnie walker green.

  i think i've fallen in love.

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  EyesOpenHeartBroken

  Ooooh yummy, wifi! Love Glenlivet.
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  8

  couples therapy

  by zeb in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have often wished i knew better words to give here when i see couples 'bleeding'.

  1. avoid letting the children take over your lives.

  although you need to love and care for your children in the very best ways that you can, it’s also important that they don’t dominate your entire relationship.. children are an important part of your relationship.

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  EyesOpenHeartBroken

  Thanks for this well thought out post and helpful advice. Right off, I see a few that I definitely could do some work with in my marriage.
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  63

  I've had enough..

  by raven in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  so last night, after thinking "wow those pesky elders have finally left me alone, maybe since i skipped out on their jc invitation back on august 1st they've given up" wrong.. i go to check the mail and there's an envelope at my front door- lo and behold, another letter from from these elders.. why won't they leave me alone already?

  i'll attach a picture of the letter.. again, same letter as the first one inviting me to a judicial committee on august 15th - and signed by all three elders.. should i just continue to ignore?

  quite frankly i don't give a rats arse i've been enjoying life free from the mind control of the organization, and i just wish they would drop it and let me live life.. like i mentioned before, i am moving to a new home next week, the only reason these elders have my current address ( which happens to be over 100 miles away from the cong ) is because my mother gave it to them, after i gave it to her in confidence to forward me my mail.. so lets just say she won't be getting my new address... i don't have any contact with ones from this congregation (i'm an ex pioneer, so i'm sure if they've gotten word on what i'm doing, i must be satan himself!

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  EyesOpenHeartBroken

  Get a PO box
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  8

  Interracial Relationships and JWs

  by HiddlesWife in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i've noticed that within the past couple of decades, i don't see a lot of interracial relationships (ir, for short) in the org.. i, myself, was involved in an ir over 2-3 decades ago and was engaged to get married [my ethnicity is: african-american and latina; my ex-fiance's ethnicity is: scottish and italian].

  he broke off the engagement, after three years of friendship and two years of dating, because his uncle and another brother (who was a temporary volunteer at bethel) pressured him to end our relationship [p.s.

  : his mother was quite close to my mother, one of my sisters and one of my close cousins.

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  EyesOpenHeartBroken

  I am in one and I have seen a lot of IR marriages in JW land and it has not been an issue. Of course, we are west of the Mississippi....

  Almost 2 decades ago, I visited the Deep South (USA) and I was shocked by the undercurrent of racial prejudice. So I'm sure geography plays a part.
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  10

  Wife having lunch with her nosey Mother.

  by Darkknight757 in

  1. social
  2. family

  so my wife is really nervous about having lunch with her mother today.

  she is an über-dub who is always asking probing questions as to our spirituality.

  i think she knows that we are fading out.

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  EyesOpenHeartBroken

  @ Dark Knight

  So how did lunch with Mother go for your wife?