Posts by EyesOpenHeartBroken

121

Hey ya'll! My first post. Please help. In need of advice/comfort.

by Stepford Wife in

jw
friends

hey ya'll!

i have been lurking for years on this site and others but never had the courage to post anything.

actually i was afraid of posting on an apostate site in the event i was wrong.

EyesOpenHeartBroken

I think the big question you need to ask is if your husband's priority is staying an elder. If that is the case, I have seen many elder's wives join what has been coined "the sick wives club". They usually "contract" a nebulous, chronic issue (i.e. Fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, panic disorders, anxiety, headaches, bad back). Your husband can stay an elder and you'll still get invited to social activities. And you'll not be questioned again. Your husband will probably know you're faking it, but maybe it won't bother him because the brothers will get off his back. I have seen this scenario more times than I can count and it has seemed to me that the elder husband was fully aware of the wife's true health situation. Just sayin!

I am very surprised that your husband agreed to this shepherding visit for you; it violates the headship principle and in all congregations I have been in, elders immediate families are not "shepherded" by the BOE.

In your case, fading will be a challenge that will require a bit of acting on your part.

BTW, I am not dismissing the above conditions as true health problems, but those are good ones to pick because they are chronic, incurable, and not terminal.

53

Finally posting and I'm FRUSTRATED!!!

by stephanie61092 in

okay, i'm about to engage in a major word vomit.

just giving you fair warning as your time may be better spent somewhere else.. so, i'm sitting on my lunch break, bawling my eyes out, and writing on this forum to people i don't know yet probably have a great deal in common with but at the same time, used to scare the daylights out of me.

for years, i would come across this forum and 'lurk' awhile if you will, or see things on youtube.

EyesOpenHeartBroken

Hello Stephanie! Thank you for sharing your story. So much of your upbringing resonates with me, and probably many others, too. I had such a weird mix of feelings when I finally realized that my warm memories of a happy childhood in "the truth" were actually warm memories of a happy childhood because I was raised by good and loving parents who were good and loving because that's who they are/were. But, of course, all credit for my parents hard work and love in raising us is given to the Org. When I finally had this revelation, it was a huge relief to embrace what I already knew was true. On the flip side, I was incredibly pissed that our family was used as an advertisement for the Org, like the poster child for doing it the WT way. I guess I always knew that was flawed, when I looked around the circuit and saw that the real "WT way " that 90% of the witness kids experienced. I always felt a little guilty, but also grateful. I also think that makes it harder to scrap being a JW. (I'm still in physically, not mentally). I'm married to a still JW believing wonderful man, as well my immediate family. I have never been df'd, but I totally relate to not being able to walk away from a really wonderful family. I wish you all the best with the choices you make and the therapy. I hope it helps.

73

Witnesses killed my friend today.

by WasOnceBlind in

today has been a horrible day.

what began as a day of joy finding out that one of my lifelong friends had her baby, turned into a nightmare when her brother called me to let me know she had passed away after birth.

i was in shock and didn't ask how.

EyesOpenHeartBroken

I am so sorry for your loss. What a tragedy!

6

The revolting morality underpinning martyrdom.

by Island Man in

the three hebrew boys chose death over bowing down to lifeless idols.

early christians refused to sacrifice to the emperor's genious.

jws in nazi germany refused to sign a document that will result in their release or spare them from execution.

EyesOpenHeartBroken

Islandman-

Excellent line of reasoning. I could see this being very helpful in speaking with still trapped in loved ones. Thanks for your post.

157

What Was The Silliest "Offense" That You Were Counseled For?

by minimus in

jw
friends

when i was a teenager, i was told by an elder that because i smiled a lot and was known for my good sense of humor, that i should come across as "more serious".

so before i was appointed a ms, while in my late teens, i transformed myself into a much more "serious" brother.. were you ever told that you needed to work on something that you knew was stoopid?.

EyesOpenHeartBroken

This thread is hilarious! Made me think of so many ridiculous things over the years. What a petty, petty bunch these "counsellors" are.

So here's mine:

I got counseled for not counseling someone else. What?! So here's the situation. I was a 20 year single pioneer sister. The 4 pioneers consisted of me, my younger sister, and 2 elders wives. Well, the 2 elders wives both had typical middle-age elder wife, queen bee issues. And so the rivalry between them began. The one was a true loud mouth bossy bully and the other was awesome at quiet sniper moves, slamming (my) car doors, unending silent treatment. This went on for at least a year and continued to escalate to the point that most other publishers would not come in service during the week because it was so miserable to be around these 2 women. My sister and I also started just going out in service on our own or with nearby cong about half the time. So one day before the meeting, an elder tells me that he and another elder need to meet with me after the meeting, but doesn't tell me what about. So through the whole meeting I was freaking out trying to figure out what I'd done and why I was in trouble (funny to me now😉). When they sit me down in the "doom room" they start with "We have to talk to you about a very sensitive issue...", then they bust out some scripture about keeping peace. At this point, I'm still thinking this meeting is about something I had done, so I'm racking my brain and totally baffled (I am a "live and let live person", so I rarely have interpersonal conflict). Then they start to talk about the situation with 2 rival women. They talk about how discouraging it has been to other people in the cong, and that people avoid service because of it. And then I agree that it has gotten really out of hand...so why am in this meeting? Well, they next tell me they want me to mediate and manage the situation, and they have told those 2 sisters that I would be doing all the meetings for service (no brothers went out during the week), and I would be in charge and they would have listen to my direction. These brothers then complimented me on my maturity and easy going nature. I then nicely told them, I would not be doing this and they should talk to these sisters. They said they met with the sisters and their elder husbands and no resolution was achieved. I told them I doubted I would be key in resolving this and I was floored grown, "spiritual" women could act like this. They just shook their heads and begged me to get in the middle. So I get home (still lived with parents) and tell my parents about my "meeting". My elder dad was livid, he called both these women and their elder husbands. He said, "When my kids were little, they learned that if you don't play nice, you don't get to play. Same principle applies. This ends now or a time out will ensue." The next Sunday, the one couple (the passive aggressive one) announced that they bought a house on the other side of the city. They moved away 2 weeks later. And within a couple months the bully sister had a new arch nemesis....

ugh!

35

Does being a "born in" blur parental vs JW issues?

by obfuscatetheobvious in

thank you to the many people who have posted their experiences and advice on this site!

i have browsed a few topics but the threads that i seem to gravitate to the most deal with family.

there is certainly a lot that i can relate to in many of the anecdotes i have read.

EyesOpenHeartBroken

Its funny but I was just thinking about this very thing....only in reverse.

My parents were baptized the year before I was born, and no other relatives JWs. We always kept a good relationship with nonJW family, my childhood was great, and I was close with my parents. My dad was inactive for a couple years when I was young, but later returned to JW activity. We always did a lot of fun things as a family and my parents organized lots of social events. They really did give us presents throughout the year and even made up our own family traditions and celebrations. They always encouraged us with school and even higher education. My parents were very much partners in marriage and child rearing, so I never really saw the nasty side of headship. Though my father became an elder, he was one of the "mercy" guys. I feel like my parents put their own spin and moderation on some of the crazier and more polarizing aspects of the"truth". We were also very insulated from any negative things with other witnesses.

So I came to the conclusion that the only reason for my "warm fuzzy feelings" about the JWs, was actually just family love and good parenting. There is no doubt in my mind that my parents would have been the same good and loving parents regardless of being JWs.

Living life as an adult JW has been eye opening and truly saddening....so to the OP I would say in my experience, yes, parenting blurred the lines...but in a different way.

82

INSPIRED ERROR: new phrase among JW CO

by wannaexit in

jw
friends

there is no end to their madness.

the co gave a talk on inspired error.

i have never heard of it.

EyesOpenHeartBroken

We had this talk about a month ago with a new circuit overseer. Youngish guy, his 3rd circuit, never in Bethel.

Strangely, he soft pedaled the whole thing. He mostly talked about not becoming so caught up in the day to day that we lose track of our personal spirituality. He specifically said "the teaching committee put together this outline regarding inspired error" then he read the scripture. Then he listed them as bullet points:

1)The media--He said just to realize that sometimes reports may be embellished or sensationalized

2)Higher Education--He said higher education can be beneficial in this system, bear in mind,though, higher education will only get you to the end of this system, but make sure you have what it takes to get beyond...yes, friends, please keep a balanced view of education.

3) sorry can't remember what he said about the end being not far off, but it wasn't very strong whatever he said

Anyway, I was sort of disappointed because I thought this talk would be a good opener for talking to my spouse about ttatt, because education is a hot button for him.

But the talk came off as way too "balanced" for me to say anything. Bummer.

13

Don't fall through the "cracks"

by mrsObfuscate in

being able to understand and identify the "cracks" (i.e.

unintended consequences) in the many systems we are surrounded by had a profound influence on my ultimate decision to step away from the org.

i mentioned in my first post there were many nuanced details that added up to help me to finally take the steps i needed to exit, and this was a fairly big one.

EyesOpenHeartBroken

Thank you so much for this post and your previous post regarding your awakening. It has been strenghthening for me read. I wish I was where you are with things. Someday I may be able to put words to my pain and share here or more importantly with my spouse. Again thanks for your insight into your own psychology. I really do appreciate it.

10

A New Year and a New Start For Lurkers

by The Searcher in

what better time of the year (than hogmanay) to encourage lurkers to examine black & white examples of org teachings which are false, and for them to rebelliously examine what is presented as "truth?

" (km september 2007 - question box) .

here are some previous examples for those who have yet to read them: .

EyesOpenHeartBroken

Hey Searcher- Thanks for the nice list. I'll put that in my back pocket.

22

Blood Cards on File with the Elders?

by EyesOpenHeartBroken in

i have a question for elders here or recent elders.

were the elders, in the last 10 years, given instruction to keep a copy of every publishers blood card on file at the kh?.

we moved to our current cong 6 years ago, and shortly after we moved in, the boe requested everyone update and give a copy of card to the kh.

EyesOpenHeartBroken

Ttdtt- this is what happened in our hall, that's where I got it from.

I was taken aback, that's why posed the question in the OP, wondering if it was a global or local initiative.