There's a song by Shawn Mullins that has meant a lot to me and there's a part in it that especially touches me:
heard a brillian woman say
she said you know it's crazy
how I want to try to capture mine
I think I love this woman's way
I think I love this woman's
way she shimmers, the way she shines
the way she radiates
the way she lives, the way she loves
the way she never hates
sometimes I think of all of this that can
surround me
I know it all as being mine
but she kisses me and wraps herself
around me
she gives me love, she gives me time
and I feel fine
I feel fine
but time I cannot change
so here's to looking back
you know I drink a whole bottle
of my pride
and I toast to change
to keep these demons off my back
just get these demons off my back
cause I want to shimmer, I want to shine
I want to radiate
I want to live, I want to love
I want to try to learn not to hate
try not to hate
we're born to shimmer
we're born to shine
we're born to radiate
we're born to live, we're born to love
we're born to never hate
I spent my whole twenties being unhappy because I was trying to prove how smart I was and how my way was the right way. I was always looking for someone to do something to me that I didn't like so I could confront them. I almost destroyed my marriage and I was going through a horrible time in my life and I heard this song and just sobbed and sobbed and said I want to be the kind of woman that he's singing about. I want my husband to say things like that about me. So I made a conscious decision to try to "shimmer". And four years later I feel like I'm well on my way, and my thirties are looking pretty good.
Shimmer