I think if you have a divorced or separated spouse who is still is an active witness, and you have been cheating, you should just own up to it. You could tell the elders you just aren't ready to change your ways. Getting D'F for adultery or fornication is a lot better in their eyes than apostasy. They always think there is some hope for you, that you just fell prey to a sin they can understand. Apostasy is equated with the unforgivable sin in many witnesses minds.
We who have been JWs know how it goes and the mindset. It's really cruel to let a ex hang there in limbo because you can't manup or womanup and let them go.
I had a cheating ex who was going to play that game for as long as he could. He'd come back just long enough for me to forgive him and then go on his way again. He started getting smart about hiding his activities. Finally the Elders told me I was condoning his bad behavior. So I decided to divorce. Then this smug CO said I still wouldn't be free to remarry because he was home for over a week the last time, and there was no clear cut evidence following that that he was cheating. Craziness. A couple of brothers talked about spying on him for me but I said no.
Anybody here thinking of playing games with your spouse, just stop. Be honest. Let them go. Karma is a bxxxh for everybody.