
I know that feeling when you stop going to the meetings, don't do service anymore, and all that... And then when you do visit the Kingdom Hall, you just feel disgusted or whatever the feeling may be. You're just not interested. You just don't want to listen anymore. I've been there.
I will tell you one thing, though. And, of course, I don't know whether it is the right thing to say. I don't know what a 'good advice' would be in this case. But I think you should make it plain and simple that you no longer recognize yourself as a Jehovah's Witness. Tell your husband this. Make it clear. If he asks for reasons, you may tell him that it is not God's organisation and show him the Australia Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse. Whatever you do, I think you should make it clear that you no longer recognize yourself as a Jehovah's Witness. But then again, I don't know your husband. You do.
Anyway, when it comes to leading a double life, it is hard. You may feel like a hypocrite. On the one hand, you continue to visit the Kingdom Hall, pray to God (with your husband), and read JW literature (such as the daily text.) On the other hand, you feel all of this is... well, to be blatantly obvious, bullsh*t. You no longer believe but are forced to believe.
When I was leading a double life such as this—going to the Kingdom Hall but no longer believing any of it—I didn't have any problem with this, so I can't really tell you how to deal with it. In my case, no one in my family was/is a JW, so nobody ever tried to 'encourage' me. But if you can't live a double life—and I imagine most people can't—I would advise you to stop leading a double life. Either be a JW or don't be. It really comes down to that. You have to made a decision and stick to it. Just tell your husband you no longer recognize yourself as one of Jehovah's Witnesses and be very, very firm about this.
From your previous posts, it seems that this is what you are afraid of. You showed signs of fear that your husband would find out. You were really afraid that he'd find out about this forum. And it seems that he now knows. So the question is, "What do you fear now?" Is it that he'd find out that you no longer have any faith in the organisation? Or is it something else?
What I can tell you is this: there is nothing to fear. Nothing. Once you make a firm decision, it's much easier.
Here's a rainbow from my friend SpongeBob SquarePants:
