Posts by staceman

23

JW's Are People Just Like You and Me

by Sentinel in

hello all my new friends here,.

when i disassociated myself back in 1981, there were only just a couple instances afterwards, where the jdubs came to my door in the service of their ministry.

during those times, i would never ever answer the door.

staceman

Good Job Sentinel....

Don't forget to count your time!!

5

Letter to Dateline from WBTS

by staceman in

this may have already been posted, but here is a link to the letter written to dateline rejecting the offer for an on-camera interview.

and the reasons why...... .

http://www.jw-media.org/releases/rgreenberg020702.pdf

staceman

This may have already been posted, but here is a link to the letter written to Dateline rejecting the offer for an on-camera interview
and the reasons why.....

http://www.jw-media.org/releases/rgreenberg020702.pdf

20

Well Finally!

by Sprocket in

i just got this link passed on to me.

unbelievable....i have been looking for some support and validation of my assumptions for a while.

there certainly is a lot to contemplate here.. my story is too long to tell in the amount of time of have before my flight.

First of all, glad you found this place! Too bad you didn't find
it earlier huh?? I've only been out of the "organization" for about a year and a half and I've found great comfort in reading many of the posts here. I need to work on the "giving" part though, so here I go.
You and I have many parallels going in our lives... former elder, loss of family members, divorce, spousal maintenance etc.
If you'd like to chat sometime, drop me an email! I'd love to talk with you... "so that there may be an interchange of encouragement".
Take care and welcome to the board!!
Staceman

33

Well, here's my story... Like it or not.

by staceman in

wow... i feel guilty about even being here, let alone posting my story.

but here goes.... it was back in the late 60's that my dad (actually stepdad who adopted me and my older sister when he married our mother) got witnessed to by a guy that he worked with.

he was invited to our house for dinner along with his wife and that was the beginning of my new life.

staceman

Jason,

It is nice to hear from you...
I wish I could've let you know what I was going thru too, but at the time I had to be "strong".
I know that in many if not most cases, this would be a difficult situation being that you were married to my sister. But I do know that the two of you still talk and are on friendly terms with each other which is very nice and I respect you for that. I have talked with her though and asked her how she felt about you and I being friends and she doesn't have a problem with that at all. I'm sure you know though that had things been different I would've had to side with my sister. But as things are, I would very much like to get together with you and be friends with you again. But this time "real" friends... without putting on a face of strength or doing what others expect of us. Just really being ourselves....
I know that you and sis will probably never be husband and wife again but I also understand how things happen (look at me!) and the fact the you two are still on speaking terms says a lot. I love my sister/s and want her to be happy most of all and it appears that she is on the right track.
So, thanks again for the response and I look forward to getting together with you real soon and just talking and maybe kicking your butt at a little pool.....hehe
Still on for Friday night the 17th?
Take care bud...
Staceman

53

Thoughts about Depression and Anxiety

by flower in

this is mostly directed to others that were born/raised in the cult.

more specifically those raised in the cult who also suffered from severe depression and/or social anxiety disorder or any other mental illness (other than the normal probs that come with being in the borg).

sometimes i wonder if its just me that doesnt feel like a person now.

staceman

Oh My God Flower!! I know EXACTLY how you feel!! I have said to my fiancee' almost word for word your feelings exactly!! This was very shocking to me this morning as I read your story. I wish I wasn't at work right now so I could really sit back and soak it in... but I will when I get home...! UGH!!
I too feel like I never have had real TRUE friends. I have felt that my opinion really meant nothing so I don't have one. I too was asked once what some of my favorite things were, and I didn't know what to say! And when you said that too, I just couldn't believe it! It made me feel in a small way that I wasn't alone and hopefully when you read this you will feel the same way!!
Your story rings true for me too! Sadly, I don't have any advice for you right now because I too am struggling with much the same feelings but maybe we can help each other out some. I posted my story a few days ago and some of the friends have suggested meeting with Adult Children Of Alcoholics which I am going to look into. Was one of your parents an alcoholic too?
Please write to me and we'll talk more...
Don't despair Flower! You are loved and your opinion does matter so start having one, ok??
Talk to ya later....
Love
Staceman

33

Well, here's my story... Like it or not.

by staceman in

wow... i feel guilty about even being here, let alone posting my story.

but here goes.... it was back in the late 60's that my dad (actually stepdad who adopted me and my older sister when he married our mother) got witnessed to by a guy that he worked with.

he was invited to our house for dinner along with his wife and that was the beginning of my new life.

staceman

Wow... I really don't know what to say to all of you! The words
"Thank You" just don't seem to do it, but that is all I can think of right now. Boy, the english language is really limiting isn't it?
Thank you all sooooo much for all of your encouragement. I just stopped by here for a quick minute, so I don't have a lot of time right now, but I WILL respond to those that have asked me too.
Thanks again to all of you! I feel a little better already... Finally people that understand!! Wow....
Staceman

33

Well, here's my story... Like it or not.

by staceman in

wow... i feel guilty about even being here, let alone posting my story.

but here goes.... it was back in the late 60's that my dad (actually stepdad who adopted me and my older sister when he married our mother) got witnessed to by a guy that he worked with.

he was invited to our house for dinner along with his wife and that was the beginning of my new life.

staceman

Thank you all for your comments...
I have never attended a ACOA meeting, but I'm sure it would be helpful. I will look into it.....
Thanks again!!

33

Well, here's my story... Like it or not.

by staceman in

wow... i feel guilty about even being here, let alone posting my story.

but here goes.... it was back in the late 60's that my dad (actually stepdad who adopted me and my older sister when he married our mother) got witnessed to by a guy that he worked with.

he was invited to our house for dinner along with his wife and that was the beginning of my new life.

staceman

Thanks Matthew.... Much appreciated....

33

Well, here's my story... Like it or not.

by staceman in

wow... i feel guilty about even being here, let alone posting my story.

but here goes.... it was back in the late 60's that my dad (actually stepdad who adopted me and my older sister when he married our mother) got witnessed to by a guy that he worked with.

he was invited to our house for dinner along with his wife and that was the beginning of my new life.

staceman

Dungbeetle..
No, I'm not feeling fragile or endangered right now. I'm ok...
I should've mentioned that the attempts on my life were last fall and I won't try that again. I want to make the lives of a couple of people in particular as happy as I can and I can't do that if I'm not here.
Thanks so much for your reply though....

33

Well, here's my story... Like it or not.

by staceman in

wow... i feel guilty about even being here, let alone posting my story.

but here goes.... it was back in the late 60's that my dad (actually stepdad who adopted me and my older sister when he married our mother) got witnessed to by a guy that he worked with.

he was invited to our house for dinner along with his wife and that was the beginning of my new life.

staceman

Wow... I feel guilty about even being here, let alone posting my story. But here goes...
It was back in the late 60's that my dad (actually stepdad who adopted me and my older sister when he married our mother) got witnessed to by a guy that he worked with. He was invited to our house for dinner along with his wife and that was the beginning of my new life. I often wonder as do with my sisters how different things may have been if that dinner never happened... But we will never know.
I was 8 years old, my sister was 13.
Both of my parents were baptized in 1969 and I was baptized in 1974 at the age of 13. I was a very good kid and always wanted my parents to be proud of me so I did everything I could do to please them. Being baptized was one of them. My dad was so proud. It HAD to be the right thing to do! My parents had two more kids, both girls.
My mother was a heavy drinker, unbenounced to the brothers and sisters, and on more than one occasion nearly killed us while driving drunk.
My dad progressed to being an elder and a very devoted one at that. (Despite the drinking problem my mom had, only because she hid it so well.) He made himself available to the brothers whenever he could and never really could say "no" to anything that was asked of him. He truly loved Jehovah and wanted to do all he could. But his family really suffered. Many nights my mom was home alone with us kids, drinking very heavily. And she was an angry drinker which made all of us kids eager to leave home as soon as we could.
Well, my older sister was disfellowshipped and left home. I was disfellowshipped for fornication and I left home. As a result, the girl I was "with" (who was also a Witness) got pregnant. I struggled with what to do. Being barely 17, I really didn't have a clue. I couldn't marry her without my parents permission and my dad certainly wouldn't give it to me! That is unless I started on the road back to the Truth.
Well, the girl (who was two years older than I) and I decided that the Truth was the only way to go and we made the effort to get back in. This was tough because one of the stipulations for us was that we could not see each other. What to do!!??
Well, finally my dad decided to give us his permission to get married and so we did, in a courtroom by a judge. Me 17, her 19 and 9 months pregnant.
We had a son, and we both got reinstated. We were never real strong in the truth but we were regular in the service. In 1982 we moved to Iowa and became part of a real good congregation. We still didn't really progress much, but we stayed active. We made some very good friends there and I was always encouraged to reach out. I just wanted to party...
The next year, my wife unexpectedly got pregnant and we had a daughter. The year after that my mother was disfellowshipped and my parents divorced. She left home and married some guy and we shunned her and eventually lost track of what state she lived in. (I need to insert here somewhere what my younger 2 half-sisters endured living at home with a drunk mother who did some things to them that to this day they won't even talk about.)
My family limped along in the truth until 1989 when we decided to move back to the Twin cities. Again we found a very nice congregation with some very nice people. Again I was encouraged to reach out but this time I took it to heart. I progressed to the point of becoming a Ministerial Servant. I was SO proud. One of the hardest things for me was to speak in front of people, but with Jehovah's help I felt that I could do it. And he did help me and I still love Him for that. I had (and still do for that matter) VERY low self-esteem and a feeling of worthlessness. Not sure why, but I think it was something engrained in me as a child. I was just not worthy, no matter what I did. But now, I was in a position to really help others. I felt that I really could too because I knew where a lot of them were coming from. And a LOT of the brothers and sisters did come to me. Then a couple of years later, I became an elder. Oh My, was my dad going to be proud of me now!!! I became the Theocratic Ministry School overseer and I conducted a book study in my home. Everything was great...
I served on a few committee's which was very tough. One brother in our Hall had a drinking problem and had it for a very long time. It was well known in the congregation and the body felt that something had to be done to help him... We really tried to do everything we could to help this brother (who I loved dearly and still do) but alcoholism had a grip on him as it did my mother. We had to disfellowship him. He appealed the decision which just cut at my heart thinking that we may have made the wrong decision. But the appeal committee agreed with us and he was disfellowshipped. He eventually was reinstated alcohol free and I am SO proud of him. His son even asked me to perform his wedding, which was a highlight of my years as an elder. (choking down some tears...)
In September of 1998 the company I worked for suddenly closed leaving me unemployed! Looking back, this was the beginning of the end of a lot of things for me. We were broke. We had two kids, a mortgage, my wife worked part-time and we really had lived from check to check so had no savings to speak of. We had been in a car accident in May of that year which ruined my back and made it very difficult for me to find another job in a field that required a good back. My wife was slipping into a serious depression. I was fighting it back myself, but I had to be stong for her and the congregation.
The brothers and sisters tried to be encouraging and would tell us that Jehovah provides and that something would come along. One couple gave us a card with $200.00 in it which was much appreciated but so little so late. I decided to go back to school to learn a new career and studied to become a Microsoft Engineer. The week that I received my last unemployment check, I was hired as a network technician with a small company that employed mostly women. I thanked Jehovah for providing the job and still don't doubt that His hand was helping me. Two years later, in the spring of 2000 (this is very hard for me to put down in writing!) I was losing it. I didn't want to be an elder anymore! I was at meeting for all the elders of the circuit (must have been about 150)and I never felt so alone in all my life. I just sat there looking around at all these brothers and had no one to talk to. And no one came up to me to talk to me. I was very depressed and didn't want to admit it. As a perfectionist, it just wasn't acceptable.
Two months later, I stepped down from being an elder. I fell out of love with my wife of 23 years. I had no friends. I really didn't want to live anymore. I wasn't happy and realized that I had not been happy in a very long time, if ever!!
I went out with some friends from work on a Friday night (something I knew that I wasn't supposed to do) and I had a really good time. One young lady, (a divorced mother of one)was really showing interest in me. I just soaked it in!! I was disfellowshipped 8 months later.
I have been divorced now for almost a year. I haven't attended a meeting in a year and a half except for the memorials. I haven't spoken with my dad in over a year and a half. I haven't spoken to my son in a year and a half. He and his wife had a baby about a year ago whom I haven't seen yet except for pictures. I am now engaged to a wonderful lady with a wonderful 3 year old daughter, but she still doesn't quite understand everything about me and my past. She doesn't understand why I am very quiet at times. I've lost all my friends, I've lost my kids, I've lost my dad who I spent most of my life trying to make proud. I have a feeling of total worthlessness. I HAVE gained a mother and an older sister who are still struggling with the same feelings as I.
But here is the deal. I still love Jehovah. I still love the people in his organization. I still feel that they have the truth. But I really don't want to live. I've tried ending my life twice but failed. I've had to attend some serious counseling which helped very little. So, now I live to make my future wife's life better along with her daughter for whatever time that is left before the Great Day of Jehovah. My fiancee' is NOT interested in any religion and would never want to be a part of Jehovah's organization. I've told her that I would never want to go to another church and she is fine with that because she has no desire either. We love each other very much and are planning on getting married in the fall.
I feel that I AM ending my life, just a lot slower and at the same time providing some happiness for someone else along the way. I know that this sounds very stupid to a lot of you, but that is it...
I'm not sure why I wrote this, but I appreciate that any of you took the time to read this. I hope you don't feel that it was a waste of your time...
I'd be glad to hear any of your comments though so feel free to write...
Thanks
Staceman